[Solved] Someone please help me with a breakup

hi bristoldad

Wow, that is difficult. However all though you say your running out of or run out of love with your current partner, it could be a dangerous
move to break up and move on with another women.

My reason is more than an opinion, I have personally experienced this with family members and all though you may want to have a mutual, good
relationship with your current parter after moving on. It's very unlikely that it will be on good terms through out. As you said

she is still very much in love with me and hang off my every word

However bristoldad from past personal experience this is a scenario that ive seen played out when one laves his partner when kids are involved......
she could take it the wrong way feeling very hurt internally and it's not that it might effect the children it will, and they could be used to get at you
as she wants you to feel the same pain, she feels you pout her through.

The best way to try and solve your problem is talk to your current partner tell her how you feel, and see how the relationship could be changed, also
try doing some family activities, e.g. cinema, or anything that could involve all four of you, because when children are involved it's also best to think
of them as well everything else and who knows you say you havn't had a physical relationship with your current partner, this could be a good thing
try being friends.

Thanks for the point of view.

What about if I do stay, and Um veyr unhappy for the next 18 years, sureley that woudl impact the children more?

Hi BristolDad,
There are always ups and downs in relationships - some of them lasting longer than others. One thing for sure is that you have both invested a lot of time and energy in your relationship so its probably worth giving it some extra energy.
Your young children will already know Mum and Dad really well and be putting a lot of demands on you both as you each take care of them 24 hours a day.
If I think back to when my children were that young I quickly remeber how tough that time was for us as a couple. Both of our worlds had changed more than we ever thought possible. By a couple of years we stopped going to the cinema or meals out and were constantly in every baby shop possible. We had little energy to 'enjoy' eachother. But that changed as I got used to being a father and having less attention from my wife.
By staying with your partner you children will learn that relationships are long term. They will also gain realistic experience of the different ideas, strengths and characters that make a relationship last. This will help equip your children to have long lasting relationships because they learnt about it from both of you.

I wonder whether you have relatives and/or friends who live locally who might babysit in evenings. You might find it helpful to start to protect some time for yourselves and add a little romance and time to chat without the pressures of children.

I don't know if you have managed to look around the Dad Talk site...
There are some helpful links and this page has those for Relationship Support
Here's a link to the section on Families and Relationships

Do keep posting.

Hi

I can't see how living with someone you don't love can be beneficial to you, your partner or the kids. You may not argue now but there must be some kind of atmosphere?? The children will grow up in this atmosphere and may not recognise it now but they soon will!

I am a strong beleiver in Marriage and working hard as a couple to overcome these difficulties life throws at us so I would firstly advise you to do everything in your power to mend this situation and remember why you originally fell in love with this woman. You need to talk to her, tell her your feelings and get it out in the open - it may actually change things for the better for you.

I think you need to forget about the other woman being right for you, you are not happy in your relationship and you may think the grass is greener but it never normally is! If she is the right woman for you and you are destined to be together forever then what will be will be but for now remember the mother of your children will always be in your life no matter what so even if you do eventually part ways you need to remain close for the childrens best interest.

I wish you lots of luck.

hiya,
One thing Stargazer's post highlighted for me: there is a difference between 'being in love' and 'loving' a partner.
For me, 'being in love' was something which faded away after a couple of years of being married.
But the 'loving' has grown as we passed through fun, shared experience and difficulties.
I don't know whether this helps you think a bit differently about your situation.
/orange

I'm really sorry to hear about this situation.

It's scary feeling that you are no longer in love with your partner but often this is a sign that communication has broken down between you or there are problems in your [censored] life (sorry, I really don't mean to pry). With two little ones to look after, your relationship may not feel as close as it once was but I would urge you to do everything to try to make it work. Your children will be the ones who suffer if you and your partner split up and although you may think that they are not aware of the problems at home, children have very sensitive antennae and will be picking up on the tension between you both.

You could consider going to see a counsellor at Relate, someone sympathetic, outside the situation who can help you get your relationship back on an even keel. It's worth considering, even if it is just for your children's sake to start with. You can go alone to Relate if you wish. Their website http://www.relate.org.uk

If after that you feel there is no way back, then Relate can also help you to end the relationship, at least that way you will know that you have done all you can.

I hope this is helpful.