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Firstly want to apologise as I'm a mum but thought this forum might have better advice than a "mums" forum being dads yourselves.
Me and my ex have a 7 month old son. We are on good terms, he wasn't planned and we separated before his birth. His dad has always been quite on and off with contact, disappearing for weeks at a time, and seeming to find it quite hard interacting with our son. He doesn't seem to really view him as a person yet, talking about "showing him off", and getting very impatient and frustrated with him. He seems to take any crying or him wanting to come back to me as an insult, and doesn't really speak to him or look at him for large parts of contact.
He has just told me he thinks he is depressed, I tried to talk to him about it and it seems to be a build up of everything (in the nicest way possible, very everyday things) rather than one specific problem. He is talking about moving few hours away within the next few months to get a change of scenery, but that he wants to stay close enough to be able to see our son.
I have said to do what he feels is best at the moment as regards moving, and told him not to feel pressured to visit if he's not feeling up to it as our son won't remember this age. I have tried showing him me playing with him/reading books to encourage him to, told him his favourite toys etc, told him our son seems a lot happier playing with him than other people, and explained about separation anxiety and that it will pass, but it doesn't really seem to be helping.
I am just looking for any advice or insight really. What can I say to help with the depression? What can I say to help his confidence or feelings towards our son? What can I do to encourage their bond? And if anyone else felt a bit like this early on, what helped/changed your feelings towards your children for you?
Firstly, welcome on here, and no problem at all with you being a mum, you are not alone on here.
Secondly, I think a lot of separated dads on here would love to have an ex with your positive attitude to encouraging contact - what you are doing is absolutely brilliant for everyone concerned, including your son.
Has your ex spoken to his GP about his depression, or had any councelling at all? It may be a 'man' thing that he's reluctant to admit it to anyone else - would you be prepared to go with him initially to help him to get support? It depends on how good your relationship is or whether that's a step too far - only you can decide that. I would worry that him moving away would make matters worse - the change of scenery would might isolate him more and it would certainly make contact more difficult - there's nothing to stop him from changing his current routine without moving away.
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