Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I left my ex wife nearly 2 years ago as the relationship was dead......
.....was probably dead 3-4 years before I actually left but never had the guts to leave, she was very controlling when we were together and nothing I did was ever good enough.
When I left I was offered a friends flat as a retreat for a long weekend as he was away and wasn't using it, thought a change of scene would be good so jumped at it.
While staying there I went along to a work outing (we worked for the same company) and met a girl in the same boat as myself, just left her partner we chatted and after a few weeks of chatting we met again and started dating, no mean feat when I live in Bristol and she was in Hull.
Any way my ex found out and started to make my life difficult, she would swap when I saw my son at short notice, things weren't great, I booked a holiday with my new girlfriend and we were set to go away, about a week before things with the new girl took a turn for the worse and we broke up, we still went away as we were still on good terms it was just the distance that ruined things.
While I was away my ex had arguements with my mum over seeing my son, sent me nasty emails, contacted the girl (who i was with) work place to confirm that she was away at the same time so she could tell my son that I wasn't seeing him as I was away with my girlfriend.
Well that all ended when I returned from holiday, We were going through mediation at the time to try and resolve finances and seeing my son, and at the session after I returned from holiday she started quote details about this girl she really shouldn't have been able to find out, things when her birthday was and other details she wouldn't have known had she not done some very deep digging (remember the distance wasn't even like she was a friend of a friend) I put this down to she had hacked into my facebook or something and just let it drop.
After about 2-3 months my son started questioning me about a girl he said "mummy" told him was a new girlfriend, after gtentle questions to my son I cam up with the conclusion that it was another girl I from work in another town (I used to work for T-Mobile retail so stores everywhere) I told him that I knew the girl but was only from work which was completely true.
After about 6 months I had to give a days cover in the store this girl worked in and on my way remembered that what my son had said, and smiled at what this girl would think of this, when I arrived this girl beat me to it and told me that my ex had actually contacted (well her words were stalked) her through facebook asking if we were seing each other< the girl in question replied saying we were friends but nothing more. again I put this down to face book so tightened the security on my account and only put very basic things on there.
When I have my son I will generally get questions about different things that wouldn't nowmally cross a 7 year olds mind, like do I rent my house or have I baught it ect I just change the subject and talk about something different.
Well the icing on the cake is that on Friday I had a day off work and had a text from a guy at work telling me he had a funny feeling that my ex had called asking for me, he said she asked for me by full name and when she was told I wasn't in she wanted to get off the phone quickly. The receptionist took the call and mentioned that it was odd, my friend knowing the history let me know about it so I could try and see if it was her.
When I returned to work yesterday I had a listen to the call (all calls in and out of work are recorded) and found it wasn't her at all, but it was however her mum, after talking to my girlfriend I decided to give her mum the benifit of the doubt and text her to ask if she had tried to call (not mentioning the recording of the call) she breplied very rudely saying she wouldn't bother to try and talk to me even if she knew where I worked.
I now have to decide whether to send an email to them both with a copy of the recorded call and the details of what I know she has done (god know's what else she may have done) warning them off and thretening legal action for harrasment, or go straight for legal action.
It really is pathetic that she can't let go and allow me to continue my life, it's bad enough she tries to still keep tabs on me and what i'm doing 2 years after I have left let alone that her mum is now participating as well.
well this afternoons rant is over sorry it went on a bit 😆
anyone else had similar???
Darren
Well I
Hi Darren
I haven't had anything similar, thankfully, but perhaps other dads will be able to offer you some advice. It's disturbing for you that you are being 'stalked' like this. You must be feeling like your life is not your own. It's pretty low of your ex to get your son to ask you these questions, clearly words that have been put in his mouth.
I now have to decide whether to send an email to them both with a copy of the recorded call and the details of what I know she has done (god know's what else she may have done) warning them off and thretening legal action for harrasment, or go straight for legal action.
It's a tricky one - if you either send the email or threaten legal action she could make life more difficult for you and your son regarding the contact you have with him - unfair I know, but this is what seems to happen.
I'd be interested to hear what other dad's have to say.
Hi Mikey,
It's a real nighmare, luckily my current partner is understanding of it.
I have a friend in the police who I contacted after posting this and he advised that if I went through the police they would "probably" causion her under domestic harrasment, and she wouldn't be aloud to make any contact with me other than through a solicitor.
As i'm I am about to go to court to gain access to my son (that issue is in another thread) my friend advised that may be the email route with the recording would be a good start and to keep the email direct and factual, stating that if any other occurences happen then the police would be involded.
I sent the email 2 days ago and as yet have had no response, time will tell I guess.
Darren
Hi Darren,
My first advice would be to refrain from anything that can escalate the whole situation, however justified you are in taking action, at least until a legal resolution (mediation or court order) has been found.
I would keep a diary of all events and conversations (write it down as soon as you can, so immediately after contact when it's something your son has said) as this may be useful in court later on.
If you are going to send an email, then I would suggest that you write it, and then leave it overnight and then go back and read and amend it as necessary, or get your partner to read it. It's too easy to send an email in the heat of the moment, and you may end up saying something that you wouldn't want to be seen by a court - the less your ex has against you in court (if it comes to that), the easier your (and your solicitors) job becomes.
Hi
as said I did send an email to both her and her mother, It was straight and factual, I didnt include emotion or my feeling just what was right and what was wrong.
That was sent around the middle of the month and I have had no reply from it at all.
I would like to think they have realised they can't do this however I am never sure what they think.
Darren
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.