Child psych professionals, experienced parents (my own and the in-laws) and forum members have all agreed on one thing when it comes to child discipline and communication--Mother and Father must be on the same page, a single united front. Wife and I are married, living together with three little ones, 1, 2, and 4...all 18 months apart. Yes, we got into the parenting a bit in a rush, but alas, that was God's plan. So anyway, it appears that I am the "strict but usually calm and patient" parent and she is the "lenient, pliable, friend/parent who has a yelling problem" parent. I know it sounds like I'm not giving her much credit, but it is an honest observation. I am not perfect but it seems like I'm trying harder to be patient and consistent than she is. DW also has a problem raising her voice, and now they're picking up on it. Her own mother yells a lot too and a lot of these things I didn't know about her til we became parents. The kids know they can get away with certain things with her and not me. They also harass her for more attention than me and they follow my instructions more willingly than her. I wish it wasn't like this, because I love her and the kids, but she can be very stubborn. I think she lacks self confidence, and unfortunately I don't see things changing anytime soon despite me trying to talk to her. What happens when parents are NOT a single, united front?
I think it's more common for parents to have differing parenting styles than for them to be in harmony to be honest!
Children are clever, devious little tykes and soon cotton on to how to manipulate their unsuspecting, hard pushed and often tired out parents.
Three children under the age of five is a supreme task and whist they will provide much amusement and happiness there's a flip side to that as you can testify to.
I wouldn't set too much store by this perfect picture of parenting, we are all different and there's no set way to bring up our kids...we all muddle through it most of the time, but we get there and thankfully our endeavours are rewarded by seeing them grow into half decent human beings!
Just keep lines of communication with your wife open, try and appreciate what she does do right and accept that for all the flaws, you are a team and together you're doing a good job. Embrace your different style and see it as two individual parts of the whole.
The one consolation is that in a couple of years they will all be at nursey/school and things will seem a lot easier! You'll have more free time and unless you decide to enlarge your brood, nappies will be a thing of the past!
All the best