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basically went up to scotland to visit my family a couple of weeks ago to be met by my roaringly drunk father, who among other things called my son "a [censored] english [censored]", and kept on threateing to "skelp his [censored]" because he was being "naughty" (he wasnt, he was hyper after spending two hours strapped into a car seat)
i told him not to talk to my son like that, pretty much the moment he said, ut now my girlfriend wants my dad to have nothing to do with my son.
Im inclined to agree, but there is no way its not going to affect my mum, who is a lovely person who doesnt deserve it, but i dont want my little boy hear the same things i heard growing up.
im not explaining this well at all am i?
Yep, you have explained it remarkably well, especially considering how you must be feeling at the moment.
It's a tricky one, and in the same position, I would be wondering myself whether I wanted my father to ever see my son again. Whether drink was a big factor in his behaviour is certainly worth considering, but it's not an excuse - your son should not be subjected to such abhorrent behaviour.
Could you suggest that your mother comes down to see you? Or if they both come down, then they stay in a hotel, and your mother could come across to see you all, and only bring your father if he is sober and behaves - and on condition that he apologises properly for his behaviour?
i was so angry when it happened, there were other things as well, my son has a pair of green striped pyjamas and he said "they better not be a celtic strip" forgetting that 1) i dont watch football,and 2) as lovely as his sectarian ways are, and the fact i am an atheist, my son was baptised because his mum wanted hm to be.
i have very few happy memories of my dad growing up, as long as i remember he has had a problem with alchohol, but my family tend to pretend its not a problem, i have tried to tell my dad i worry about it, but because everyyone else is in a state of denial it gives him the justification to keep drinking.
part of me is hoping that if we do tell my dad that whilst he is drinking hhe wont see his grandson will give him the kickin the [censored] to look at himself hhard and realise he is slowly killing himself, and stop drinking.
Hi
I would suggest that you go to Al-Anon - this is a group (I think) associated with Alcoholics Anonymous but for families and people affected by alcoholics. It's a bit daunting at first going to the meetings, and you may not wish to say much at first - as you may be able to tell, I have attended some because my ex was an alcoholic, but I attended long after we were divorced, when my children came to live with me, as a way of knowing what went on at the meetings so I could take my children along. It was very eye-opening, and it made me realise that a lot of my ex's behaviour was based on finding a reason for drinking. I went for a couple of months, and it really was a good experience. Because I was not directly affected by alcoholism by then, and my children had been to a couple, understood the situation but didn't wish to continue, I didn't feel a need to continue going, but you are still directly affected, so you may wish to continue for much longer.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
