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Dear all,
I am hoping, after a court hearing next week to have contact with my kids reinstated. This would just be an interim order until a full hearing in a few weeks.
Assuming that it is reinstated, I'm looking for some opinion on the best way to approach the kids. I am obviously concerned that they will have had their heads filled full of propoganda against me; it will have been a month by the time I see them, assuming all goes to plan.
Should I be brutally honest and say that Mummy told lies about me to stop us from seeing each other? Should I mention that or ignore it? It's important that the kids know that I didn't abandon them in any way, lose interest or stop fighting for what was best for them. But is now the time for that or not?
I have opinion that I trust a great deal telling me that I should be honest and open with them but I'm just afraid that I will do them more harm than good, no matter what i think is the right thing to do.
Hi there,
Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for sometimes ... A lot depends on the ages of the children, but I personally think it is inadvisable to be brutally honest, or talk about the mother in a derogatory way.
I think its enough to tell them how much you missed them and how hard you've been trying to see them, that because you and mum disagreed on some things, its taken a little while to get it sorted out.. If they ask, then for sure dont lie, but be gentle about it.... and reassure them that none of it is their fault.
I know you've probably been treated unfairly by your ex but be the bigger person here and rise above it. Just enjoy having them back, and in the time you have with them, make them happy and put some laughter back in their lives. If mum has been filling their heads, then the last thing they need is more of the same, it will make them feel they have to take sides, which in turn will foster more insecurity.
If mum continues with the properganda, the children will see through it, and if you continue being the bigger person about it all, your kids will see that too and they will respect you more for it in the end.
I agree - you time with the children is for them to enjoy, not to go over the past. Ask them what they'd like to do (but have backup plans in case they don't have any ideas) and enjoy the time with them.
from my experience of the last two years of intermitent contact with my now 5yr old boy....each time i saw him there had been a break of a few (3-4) months...then a see him for a few weeks then a break of several months again 🙁
each time my little boy saw me he would come up to me and hug me.....he was wary when we were in the contact centre with strangers around earlier this year at first not wanting to leave his mother in the other room but as soon as he saw me in the hall he came straight up big smile and talking with me as if he'd just seen me the week before.
kids are resiliant....i never talk about his mum when he's with me....i've never slagged her off...not once!....lord knows i wish i could tell my little boy the reason why i hardly see him cos i'm sure his mum tells him its cos i dont care....or that she just never mentions me to him at all...
all i know is....the ex has him 95% of the time and no matter what i say he's too young to understand and so its best to keep it focused on him and having fun times.
oh and i try not to take gifts each time i've seen him...i don't want him to associate seeing me with him getting a toy or present....i'd hate anyone to think i'm bribing him or trying to buy his love.
Hi , good luck with the hearing and let us know how you get on. Enjoy your time with your kids and lots of hugs, A month to you might have seemed forever but in a childs eye it will have gone quicker and they will just be pleased to see Daddy. My son just saw his daughter after 6 weeks and she was fine
I think not taking them a toy or present is sound advise, I have fell into this trap and Im having to back track on that one,
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