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Hi,
Very quick one, when you have your children do they normally come with enough clothes to last the visit?
I have recently had my son for a 5 night visit, (longest i've had since I left his mum 2 years ago)
when I've had him over night he came with clothes, I have picked up a few things but just that a few.
His mum is refusing to send him in more than what he wears over saying I need to buy all the clothes he needs for his time with me.
When I pointed out I pay chaild maintanance for him to be clothed fed and homed she replied this was for while he was with her only, (I pay £100 a month over the CSA amount) I find it difficult to make ends meet anyway let alone going out and buying clothes for him that won't get worn much.
Plus he is growing so quickly that anything I get won't fit him long.
So what is the norm???
Hi Darren
I don't know what the norm is but it seems to me to be common sense that your son comes over to you with the clothes he needs for the week and then they are returned with him. As you say, kids grow so quickly it is a waste of money to have clothes sitting around your home unworn. The maintenance is calculated to take clothing expense into account. Perhaps the occasional item would be bought by you, but if you are finding it difficult to make ends meet anyway, I think your ex is being unreasonable.
Having not gone through this myself I'd be interested to hear what other dads may say on this.
I agree with Mikey, BUT the question is whether it's worth making a fight of it. You do have the option of telling your ex that you will deduct the cost of any clothes out of the extra £100 you pay - but you run the risk that she may then try to make contact more difficult, only you can know whether that's a possibility.
One other option is to buy clothes in a charity shop or on ebay - you're only talking of clothes to last a few days so it doesn't have to be latest designer labels or anything, and anything you buy, keep for next time (or put it back on ebay when he's grown out of them) - send him back only in the (cleaned) clothes he arrived in. It could save you a lot of hassle in the long run.
I think you just need to bite the bullet and buy an outfit. Doesn't need tobe expensive though. Thereafter, be organised and make sure you do a washing each night. That way you can operate with only the clothes he arrives in, plus the outfit you buy (I speak from experience!) over the 5 days.
The problem I have now is that my son has started school and he's always in his uniform when I collect him on a Friday, covered in stains. I'v been openly told by my ex that this is to make me buy him new ones and take responsibility for him - like the CSA money, swimming lessons (which she refuses to contribute to) etc isn't enough? I've also be warned off washing the clothes because apparently I ruin them? So, either I make him put on a filthy uniform to return him on a Saturday/Sunday or I get him a new pair of trousers and t-shirt each week... thoughts?
May be an obvious question, but how does your ex clean his clothes? School uniform these days tends to be practical - check the labels - I'd be tempted to put them in a gentle wash.
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