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Hi,
Looking for others experiences please, or views. Forgive ambiguity.
Been married 7 years, have 2 children under 6. They squabble a bit, and my eldest (son) can be a bit of a handful (screaming, shouting, carrying on etc). Wife works part time in a stressful profession. Since having kids our relationship feels a lot more like friends who live together, do child care and chat. Not man and wife. My wife has some ongoing health issues.... and a complex (non-supportive) relationship with her own mother and father. My own situation is one of working in a modern profession, have just taken voluntary redundancy and am now looking for a new role. I have had previous issues with anxiety but they are increasingly under control....
My wife and I are arguing. It started before I left my role, and is becoming more frequent. We do not get a lot of uninterrupted sleep (youngest likes to come in to our bed half way through night). Today's argument being the most recent, I was rude and short, at the dinner table. I didn't want to hear the specific opinion/facts my wife relayed on a (sore) subject. We had guests so not a lot happened, however after they left, it kicks off again, about how rude/awful/etc I am. I am far from perfect, but I don't believe the issues are mine alone - my wife has an awful temper. And my wife threatened me with physical violence (i'm 6'1" and not sure how I feel about it - strange but I feel a bit unsafe now).
I love my kids, I love my wife. The house is busy, noisy and not relaxing at all. My wife and I rarely go out. Is this all normal with young children? Have we bigger issues? How severe is it when your wife is really narked, for her to threaten physical violence (obviously no threats or actions from myself). Sometimes, just sometimes, I catch myself thinking about leaving.... is that normal?
Thoughts pls?
Regards
Silver
...I love my kids, I love my wife. The house is busy, noisy and not relaxing at all. My wife and I rarely go out . Is this all normal with young children?
This all sounds perfectly normal to me! 🙂 Children squabble, adults that are juggling work and parenthood get stressed and argue. Could she be resenting/reacting to the fact that you are no longer working and have much more time on your hands than she has? She may not be able to vocalize her feelings about this, and just gets ratty instead.
It is a little worrying that she is threatening physical violence. It might be a good idea to try and talk about this. When the kids are in bed and you've got some time to yourselves, try opening up the conversation and take it beyond daily chat. Tell her you love her, try and share your concerns with her. Ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel better. Talk about how you feel about the threats she is making and if there are reasons she feels like that. Perhaps suggest getting a babysitter and having a night out, a nice meal, a couple of drinks down the pub. Make it a regular thing, make the effort and hopefully it will pay off.
If things dont settle or get worse you could try Relate. They are highly experienced in dealing with couples and families that are struggling. Heres a link -
www.relate.org.uk
Best of luck with everything 🙂
She apologised yesterday for threatening me, and I obviously said sorry for being rude at lunch. Seems to me with kids, that no-one can tell you how completely fantastic it can be at times, but yet at other times how utterly soul destroying it can be when they play up, are rude etc, you clear up after they are in bed and then have no energy for yourselves (let alone each other).
From what I can gather, my wifes own parents had a physically threatening relationship when she was a child (they are still together amazingly). I think when she is really stressed etc, she defaults to this behaviour. I've not been brave enough to approach the topic of why she threatened me.... Anyway thanks for the reply Nannyjane.
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