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I remember reading one of those "How to be a dad" books before my daughter was born and it saying something about how my relationship with my dad would change. But it didn't warn me how much it could affect him, too. What have you guys seen?
I'm 41 (my daughter's 2y9m) and my dad was about 40 when I was born so there's a similar gap. It also means he was born in a very different time: 1927, lived through the war, etc. When he was my age, I don't think he could have understood me doing what I do (working 3 days, looking after sproglet 2 days) though he does now.
In fact, one thing I didn't expect was his guilt at not really being part of our lives when we were children. He sees me spending so much time with G. and I think he wishes he'd done the same. My mum was a housewife when we were very young and didn't go back to work until we were at secondary school. I don't blame him: it was a different time; and I don't think he should feel guilty but it's there. Anyone else seen similar?
Hi Talldad,
interesting thread.
I'm 47 and my three are 23, 25 and 27 yrs old (boy, boy and girl respectively). My dad must have been about 35 when I was born - I was 20 when my eldest arrived - so he was an older father than I was.
My Dad really didn't express his feelings or openly explore or discuss relationships etc. Looking back I would say that when my 3 were small he remained the strong head of the house, giving me advice and remaining somewhat distant (busy with diy or car maintenance). I believe he preferred the traditional role as Father being the provider - not really approving of how much I did for/with my kids.
I can't really say how having grandchildren changed his outlook. He definitely enjoyed them, told them stories, but probably kept treating them as being pre-schoolers.
I wonder how my grandchildren [if/when they arrive] will change my relationship with my children...
I've found I have a lot more empathy with my parents! I talk to my dad not more, but in a different way. Probably more about how I feel and how my son makes me feel.
I love watching my dad with my son, and love the fact that he was like that with me once (I'm the youngest of four, so didn't seem him playing around with babies).
My father was no good at being a dad for me and even worse for my son - he has only seen him onece in 3 years (when he was born) and make loads of effort with his step childrens kids, but nothing for his biological grandkids.
The other thing that has changed between me and my father is I no longer seek his love or friendship and I uses the time with my son to let him know how much I love him
The worst of it is (and I mean no dis-respect), I asked the internet for advise as my dad is so worthless, and I have to talk to people online instead of my dad which I feel is strange.
Hello Talldad.
I am Mary. I find very interesting topic of life in your topic. It is fact that our relationship with our father or with children should be very friendly. We all believe in the clear relationship with all. We must concentrate on what a child need in real manner or what it desires from you. It is well said that all searches ends at Dad and Mom. For a child it deserves more than anything. We should also been a great to them always.
Sometimes, what a child needs is not just financial support but a guidance from a father especially at the early age of growing up. I have lots of friends who have financial freedom and yet have their parents separated from them since childhood because of jobs abroad. In the end, their children was not properly trained and disciplined and at the time they came back, it was too late for them to build the relationship with their children.. A bad story, but it normally happens..
All I can say is that Dads should balance their work and time with family and children. 🙂 )
My relationship with my dad was pretty un-typical really. He's not emotional, quite stern and hot tempered. Growing up we never really did a great deal together due to differing interests although he did try and play video games with me and take an interest in my love for music and technology. I had a good upbringing though, my dad has worked his whole life and still barely makes ends meet, i wouldn't change anything about our relationship except maybe knowing he was there for me more when i was younger. these days he's the best person in the universe to talk to, he's 47, i'm 26...
I'm going through a massively hard time with access to my child and my ex moving her away, he's been supportive since me and my ex split and he's the best grandfather to his grand daughters (mine, Mollie, 2.5 and Sophie, my sister's. 4), he was 22 when i was born so at first he always says he was scared and had a hard time with it, i can relate, i wasn't much older when my Daughter came along and for the first year of her life i was scared i wasn't doing the best i could. Like a lot of people on here, he always says he wishes he was there for us more growing up, but i don't have any complaints. We argue like [censored] sometimes but jesus, the guy's my dad, no matter what he's always the one person i can depend on.
I just hope i can be an awesome dad too so when my daughter grows up she can be proud!
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