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Yes, it's that old perennial favourite topic 🙂
But any advice would be most welcome as we're trying to now get this sorted!
MissLL is 3 in February. She's never used a potty (we did have some success getting her to sit on one originally with the use of reward stickers but never really got anywhere & shelved training for a while) but is now at the stage where she WILL use the toilet at Nursery (2 days a week). She's progressed well over the last few weeks, from refusing to sit on the toilet to doing both wees & poos & being happy to tell you about it. You can tell when she wants to go through body language.
So that's great...
But then we get her home.
She steadfastly refuses to use our toilet at home. We were using pull-up pants and she'd wait and wait and wait till we'd put some on her (if we were going out for example) & then do a wee in them so we do think we've sent her some mixed messages & confused her. So the pull ups are banished & it's knickers only now.
But she refuses (getting quite agitated, and she's quite strong willed too(!)) to use the toilet. Holding on & on, getting more agitated, till she has an accident and then of course being distressed about that.
We've tried a reward sticker chart. We've tried asking her regularly if she wants a wee - the answer is usually no. Tried to get her to just sit on the toilet - sometimes she will but rarely - and as yet hasn't produced anything in spite of obviously needing to go.
It's turning into a battle of wills & I don't think that's healthy.
She has a pink training seat & steps and as I said, she CAN do it just fine when at nursery (the joys of peer pressure?) but at home just doesn't want to know.
Ideas please!
Dunc
I can only speak from my experience - but my advice is just stop giving mixed messages, cut out the semi-nappy pants things and just let her wear Big Girl Pants.
Make it clear that it's potty, toilet or nothing, and offer her the chance (DON'T force her) to use the potty and/or toilet very often (like, every 30mins, and every time she's eaten or had a nap).
We did this with ours (she's now 2) and it seems to have worked very well. Don't stress, don't fight, just make it very clear; and be ready to mop the floor, I guess.
She's doing what's expected in her environment. You were right about peer pressure. At school, everyone's doing it. I'm guessing at home everyone is as well but she's doing what she's been taught and what she's comfortable with. A couple of issues are at play here including that when she goes on the potty, she's not getting that one-on-one personal attention that she gets when she's getting her diaper changed. That's an intimate moment between Daddy and Daughter or Mommy and Daughter.
Michael has a great point. You've just got to choose your method and stick to it. Here are some tips I've used successfully.
1) Give bathroom opportunities regularly throughout the day. Ideally it would match with the times she's going at school. Immediately after she wakes in the morning, halfway between breakfast and lunch time, after lunch, before nap, after nap, just before dinner, just before bathtime, and one last time before bed.
2) When she tells you she doesn't have to go, ask her to show you that she doesn't have to go. Ask her to sit on the potty for a minute or two just so she can prove to you that she really didn't have to go.
3) Have her demonstrate these new found skills to her favorite toys or the family pet as they watch and cheer her on (you may have to provide the silly voice for these friends). She can talk them through the process she's using. This allows her to be a big girl and teach her little friends. After all, if she doesn't teach them...who will?
4) Give her an opportunity to brag to adults in her life. Grandmas, uncles, and teacher friends will celebrate with her over her great accomplishments.
In the grand scheme of things, this too shall pass. She won't leave home and head off to college still having accidents in her big girl panties. Just choose your strategy and stick with it. You will see success.
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