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[Solved] Adored son won't talk to me - advice please

 
CactusBob
(@CactusBob)
New Member Registered

I'd appreciate any advice from someone who may have experienced this.

I'm very recently separated from my wife (three weeks ago) and have 3 children - 2 boys (7 and 4) and a 1 year old girl.

I was the one to leave - the reasons aren't really relevant, but my wife and I followed the 'best practice' of sitting down together with the children to explain and to reassure as best we could.

I have spoken to them every evening without fail since I moved out but suddenly my oldest boy who I adore and has always had a very special bond with me, doesn't want to talk to me - apparently anyway.

I understand that he is hurt, scared, confused and needs time, but I am heartbroken. What can I do? I just want to reassure him that I love him and that he will always have me.

Thanks in advance

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Topic starter Posted : 16/05/2015 4:21 am
Nannyjane
(@Nannyjane)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

I'm sorry to hear you little boy is having a hard time, as you say he is hurt and confused but give him time and lots of love and reassurance and he will come round.

Would it be possible to organise some one on one time with him away from the home, doing something together that you both enjoy, make it a regular event and something that is just for the two of you.

He may well feel as if he's done something wrong to make you leave, this is a very common feeling for children when a parent leaves home. He could also be angry that his world has turned upside down and feels helpless to make it better. His loyalties may be split, so it's important that you and your ex try to present a united front.

There are some very good books about a parent leaving that lots of parents in your position have found helpful in situations like yours. Amazon have a full range of this type of book. If you google helping children through divorce you will find plenty of information and advice.

It's important to maintain the routine and manage your own emotions when you are with him too.

Best of luck

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Posted : 16/05/2015 4:45 am
CactusBob
(@CactusBob)
New Member Registered

Thankyou so much for your kind reply

I had them last weekend and am supposed to have them next weekend. We had a lovely time last weekend and everything has seemed as good as it could be in the circumstances and better than I expected. I had been expecting worse.

Now it seems I was right to worry. It's just come out of the blue and it has saddened me beyond measure. I thought it was a one off but now two evenings in a row. I obviously do want to reassure him and be there for him to express his emotions but I'm terrified that he has decided to shut me out. Even worse I'm worried that he might not want to see me either. My wife suggested that I call her to talk about it over the weekend but we aren't exactly cordial atm.

I will take a look at Amazon.

Thanks once again for listening and your reply

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/05/2015 5:02 am
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