[Solved] How Much access should I have?
My daughter is 7 in October. I see her 9:30-6:30 one day at the weekend, and for 3 hours after school every other Wednesday.
her mother prevents any other form of contact.
I went to mediation, I was offered 1 overnight stay every other weekend. Once she has "inspected the safety issues" at my flat. I was told by the Mother that she would have to stay at my flat and wouldn't be allowed to stay at her Grandmothers for example.
I have decided to stop mediation as its not working and go to court. Surely 1 night a fortnight is not enough?? the mother has never allowed her to spend the night with me!
How much contact should I be asking for? Also, because I work shifts, I would find it hard to stick to a ridged schedule, although I could lay out my rota for the entire year! Im sure some of you must have been in my position?
At 7 your daughter is fairly independent and it's not unreasonable to expect more than you are currently receiving.
The general scale of contact that a lot of courts seem to use as a starting point is a full weekend every fortnight and a weekly midweek visit which could also be an overnight stay, work commitments allowing. You could also ask for a share of school holidays and shared Christmas and birthdays.
It isn't usual for a mother to inspect where the child is staying, but it has cropped up here before and the consensus is to agree to it once to allay any fears the other parent has. It might be a good idea to ask for more time than you want, this gives you room to be seen to be compromising without losing out.
If there are no safeguarding issues for your daughter staying at her grandmothers then I doubt a court would stop it. Generally the resident parent can't dictate what happens in the other parents time with their child.
Some parents do lay out the schedule for a whole year because of work commitments. This can be discussed in court and some flexibility written into the order.
Best of luck
I agree with Mojo, although there is no set amount of time as each case is different it seems acceptable that every other weekend be awarded by a judge, you could ask for more or less to suit what you need but as said by Mojo sometimes it's best to ask for slightly more than you would like so you can show compromise in court and still maintain a good level of time.
A weekend is usually from Friday evening through until Sunday early evening (so that the child can get ready for school the next day) but again look at what would work for you and your ex, if you cover things that you think would work for your ex it will show you aren't just thinking about what works for you but considering the bigger picture.
As said make sure you cover school holidays, birthdays, christmas and also bank holidays when they fall on your weekends as these can all cause issues later down the line, also think about holidays and where you would like to go, it could be worth getting the order to cover foriegn travel so that it you know you are covered as and when you want to go.
With regards to only staying at your home this can be covered in the order too, as said unless there are issues you haven't mentioned there wouldn't usually be any reason for you not to stay somewhere else, maybe ad this to the order too, and say that out of courtesy you would of course inform your ex where you will be staying if you weren't going to be at home.
Thankyou for your help there. It does worry me with my work and the fact my ex is pretty uncompromising. I am more than prepared to compromise and have my daughter when it suits her not just me. And thanks I will include foreign travel
me and my other half used to have terrible rows about having kids time and arranging it. We now use the Droppa app. Its just a scheduling app but it just like texting. Also now my kids each have a phone they are involved aswell. Not saying its perfect as ex still has wobblies but its improved things. Give it a go. Improved things for us.
looks interesting, but iphone only at the moment - looks like Android is due soon