[Solved] I'm not getting it right
Today i would label myself a [censored] dad. Why? because without meaning too i have finally come the realisation that i am a bully. Not physical, but emotional which is just as bad.
I have two children, 10 and 12, love them to bits, but i tell them off too often and for silly things, untidy room for example.....and i just cant stop myself.
maybe i am making a mountain out of a molehill, but i find myself going to the office on a night to give the family a "night off" of me telling them off for silly things.
The issue is that when i was growing up, they were not silly, they were part of our upbringing and i am trying to force that on my kids.
i try and stop, i really do, but it lasts a couple of days and then i am back at it, eat dinner, pick up your rubbish, don't make so much noise.....
i hate the person i have become. i have tried to stop but i always revert to type.
So i have joined today in the hope of talking and listening with others who can either berate me or offer me some advice. i wouldn't be on here if i didn't want to change, but change is not always easy.
Thanks for reading
No one is perfect, you shouldn't beat yourself too hard over it. Perhaps one way to deal with it is, instead of thinking about what you need to stop doing (that can be stressful), think of what you can do instead.
Try attuning to your kids needs, ie, what are their aspirations, what things get them excited, happy, put a smile in their faces ? Find something positive they have done and praise them for it.
And don't berate yourself, teaching your kids to tidy their room does teach them good values that will serve them well later in life. Just make sure they also see the nice side of you, and do it by showing encouragement, that you have belief in them, rather than buying them things.
My child is only 2 so I can't really proclaim to be an expert, but hope that helps anyway.
Do you know....it does help.
My A4 pad this morning is made up of things i have to stop doing!
ironically, knowing that my son loves football and his team needed a manager, i took that on to have some father /son time, but not sure that has worked as now i have to work with him on his football as well and have to tell him off at times if he misbehaves as i cant be seen to treat him differently.
Feels like i am stuck.
Really appreciate your response. thanks for taking the time to write it.
I defy you to find any parents who don't get annoyed at their kids' untidy bedrooms, and a 100 other things. See if you can come to an compromise that they tidy that (as an example) once every couple of weeks (it will be messy within a day) and also find time to do some good stuff together. I wouldn't worry too much about it though - it's al part of becoming a dad to teenagers.
It might be a good idea to have a family meeting about it, tell them how youre feeling and ask them how they feel about it... perhaps together you can work out a middle way.
We often suggest using a reward chart to encourage kids to change bad behaviour... maybe a family reward chart might be in order here, where you all get goals to achieve... for them it would be tidyng their room etc and for you it would be not being so negative... achieving stars when you succeed and full charts for a whole week would mean a family treat! It could be a fun way for you all to improve the quality of family life.
Best of luck