So my son just let me and my husband know that he has a child who is around 2 years old. (he was pressured to tell us by an extended family member). This child is from a high school relationship when he was 18. Apparently she asked him if he wanted to be involved and he said no and his name is not on the birth certificate. They broke up and have no contact and he thinks she has another child from another relationship but is not sure. So I am not sure what to do here as a grandparent. He does not want to re-engage. I have no idea of the situation of her or the child and if it is appropriate for me to reach out or do what. I do know that kids need dad's so I am inclined to push it, but am I butting in and am I just going to create a huge problem for everyone? And if so how do I begin?
That's tricky. and I'd say there is no right answer. My own view is that you talk it through with your son and tell him that whatever his feelings, you would still like to have some level of involvement with your grandchild. After that, do you have any way to contact the mother? If so, it's a matter of gentle contact with the mother to see if she is prepared to let you have any contact.
Thank you for replying. I don't have the mother's # and I would have to see if my son has it. So I love your term "gentle contact". Trying to think how to do that? I guess I was thinking a handwritten letter but I seriously doubt we could find her address. Other mediums - e-mail, voice mail, seem abrupt.
I agree that a handwritten letter is the most friendly way. If you can get email, then perhaps that's next best, but it's harder to know if she's read it. I would try to get the address if you can, or see if there's any way she can be contact via college etc. You can also stress to your son that you're not trying to influence him to get in touch, but it is your grandchild.