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I was told babies would bring family disputes....:-(
My brother lives with my mother, he doesn't work and spends most of his time in his room smoking fags/dope. This smoking is confined to the bedroom only, not throughout the house.
My wife won't take our 6 month old to visit at the house due to the smoking.
My mother visits us and meets us out regularly, so no issues interms of how often she see's him.
My mother has kicked off a big dispuate saying the reasons for not visiting are "inaccurate and unreasonable". She says she would stop him smoking before and during our visit.
Is my wife being over protective? If my mother not being respectful of her decision?
Tricky one mate,if the smoking is only going on in the bedroom and I presume the doors shut and the windows are open then it seems a bit harsh not going round. Maybe you could have a chat with your brother,if he doesn't smoke when your going round hopefully your wife will go.
Good luck.
In my opinion, your wife is being overprotective, BUT - she is your wife so she needs your support. If you can't change her mind with gentle persuasion, then you need to explain to your mother that your wife is acting in the best interests of your son, and even though you don't necessarily agree, you married her for better or worse, and you are not going to go against her decision, as that will cause arguments and achieve nothing. As you say, there is no limit on contact, so a compromise is easier to achieve - but being caught between your wife and your mother is never going to be easy if there's a disagreement.
Hi Limey,
I did some searching. I was surprised at the info. It left me aware that smoke particles hang around and can be absorbed by others, especially children.
This was at the top of my search results:
How cigarette smoke in your carpet could harm your baby which has some information about third hand smoke left on surfaces.
As I searched more I found similar info about smoking:
Smoking outside the home still exposes infants to nicotine
How Should Parents Protect Their Children From Environmental Tobacco-Smoke Exposure in the Home?
I hope the above links might help your mother realise that your wife's concerns are backed up by studies/research...
My personal take on it is that we're surrounded by a world of risks and things which hinder the human body, so at a practical level I would hope that occasional short visits would minimise the risks especially that smoking is confined to a different room.
I imagine that this disagreement is a really difficult one for you, so thanks for posting.
Interesting stuff - never looked into it before. My ex smoked in different rooms to my children when they still lived with her - I thought that the risk was much lower, but looks like I was mistaken. 😐
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