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[Solved] Controlling Ex

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Hi All this is my first post and I feel I need to get stuff off my chest. I split with my ex 4 years ago and we have a son together who is now 5. we both agreed to split due to arguing a lot and I couldn't let my son grow older seeing this every day. since we split my ex has caused nothing but issues, anything she can use against me she will. at first there was a lot of texts between us daily always name calling towards me telling me im a ugly mess and a bad dad etc. I realised I was fuelling her fire by replying I stopped replying.....however this made her worse the abuse got more personal so I reported it to the police, she got a warning but she carried on after a few weeks so I reported her again. she then stopped the abuse but then decided the only way to hurt me was using our son. things like I would turn up on agreed days *not court order* she wouldn't answer door and close blinds. then she would change days so she could have longer weekends without him, I would of normally been ok with this but as I have another child from a previous relationship it was important they spend time together too as they are very close as brother and sister. I asked can we work other days etc but as I didn't agree she kept him from me altogether for 3 months........I then crumbled and agreed so I could see him. she then continued to either not be there some days or take him on holiday and not tell me. now with COVID 19 she has said I cannot see him at all even though I work from home and government says its ok to go between co parents. she wont even let me facetime or call and Its killing me!

I know the answers aren't there but does anyone have any advice? ive tried reacting ive tried not reacting ive tried being extra nice as much as its killed me but none of it works.

I think when I react she loves it and I need to stop that part the most. to note I have never missed a day or any CSA payments in 4 years and me and my son are very close. I have a new girlfriend on 2 years and we all are very happy, maybe that's whats making her worse also.

thanks all

Topic starter Posted : 14/04/2020 1:28 pm
Illustrious Member


yes thats out of order, for you to turn up on agreed days, but she doesn't answer the door. like you I have struggled to reply and not react to silly wind up messages.

does she have any family members you are on good terms with? i waited almost a month for first video call with kids. after i asked her sister to talk sense into her, it worked.

most dads are getting video calls during this time. this is the least your ex can sort out. if this went to court it will look very bad on her. sounds like it needs to go to court, as she just stops you from seeing your child when ever she wants.

for now you can try reason with her, to allow video calls. if she doesn't bother, i would send her a polite letter. at the end you can mention taking legal action. give her few days to respond to it.

Posted : 14/04/2020 1:58 pm
Reputable Member Registered

If you do not have a court order in place, you may find she will continue to mess you around. See if she will be open to mediation to sort this out, if not, you may well have to apply to the courts to ensure you have frequent contact with your son, not as and when your ex says you can, With the history of the matter regarding the police etc. I am sure the courts will allow you the required contact.

Posted : 14/04/2020 4:06 pm
Estimable Member Registered

If I were you I would start legal proceedings, she will never change, they never do, can you really live like this for another 8-10 years???

Start by inviting her to mediation, it’s £100 each or some places will do it for free depending on yours or mother’s income.

If she doesn’t show then you can get signed off and go to court, it’s £215. You can self represent, most can. Then once an order is place you can block all contact and just have a handover book or a separate cheap phone or email for emergencies.

Trust me, it’s better

Posted : 14/04/2020 5:26 pm

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