So I have spent the last 16 months fighting through the courts to see my daughters who are both under 4.
I had to see them in an access center due to allegations of drug misuse which I proved wrong with hair follicle tests. The oldest I always had an amazing relationship with. At the contact center we would have a great time. We both loved every minute of it. After the final hearing I was granted access for two hours on a Tuesday and every Sunday to start two hours and build up weekly by another hour. On the first time we went to a park. My daughter told me I’m stupid because I make mummy upset and angry. She kept running off and telling me she hates me.
Then would stop and be gone playing and laughing with me.
Next time she got to the park and refused to come near me, pretended to cry and said she wanted to be with her Mum who waits over the other side of the park for the first four sessions . When her mum came over the smirk on her face was clear to see, her and my daughter smiled and left together.
Then this week she got to a play centre where I’d said to meet as it was cold, she looked at her Mum smiled and said I don’t want to go with daddy I don’t like him .
I’m die this week to have them first time just on my own to come to my home and I feel she’s saying things a three year old would not even know to say. I’m lost as to what could of changed so sudden. Her mums not told me her nursery as court ordered her too so I could be involved not had she let me see them for any Tuesday. Do I need to get the arrangement order changed or is there any advice as to what I can do? I’m lost and burnt out, I’ve givrm this all I hD and feel I’d come so far to just have her turned against me.
Hi
Sorry to hear this. Personally, I would write via email or text to your ex and inform her that if she continues not supporting the contact or doesn't allow the Tuesday contact, that you will have no choice but to make an application to court to enforce the order. If she toes the line, great. If she doesn't, make your application asap.
Hi,
Sorry you are going through this, unfortunately it sounds like the same as my ex wife she's telling your children that she's to play up and be naughty when she's with you, tell you that she hates you ect, if she does that then mummy will buy her what ever she wants, I know how hard it is, my youngest daughter was just coming up 3 when my ex wife and I split up, when I went to the house things were great then I got my own place and when my daughter stayed at mine she was fine the whole time then my ex would say your not having her today she tells me the whole time she's with you she cries for me and doesn't like it at daddy's house all lies this went on for months letting me see her not letting me ect in the end she stopped me altogether seeing my daughter it's been 3 yrs now since the last time, everyday she tells my daughter that daddy doesn't love her, daddy doesn't want her, daddy's a bad man ect all lies of course, my daughter asks her if she has a daddy because she doesn't see me as well as asking about other things about me, I have boxes full of her birthday and Christmas presents and cards from the Christmas and birthday after the last time I saw my daughter as well as a bank account with money for her in and the things I've brought for her on days out. If this happens to you then I would say to do the same, yes they will not be worn or played with ect but you got them and it will prove that everything she's been told about you is a lie.
Lee
If a 3 year old is saying "daddy is stupid", that's a very very worrying sign, and if you can prove this, I think you have a strong case for having the child removed from her mother on the basis of emotional abuse. I'd start recording this behaviour.
This is not a joke. If this is allowed to continue, that child will grow up with very conflicting signals and will suffer through life in establishing relationships and trusting people.
If you can afford it, try and speak to someone who specialises in this area. The only ones I know are the family separation clinic, but there might be others.
I know how hard this is for you, but really your child is the biggest victim here, and if you don't stand up for her, no one else will.
I agree with Yoda, you don't need to have attended mediationto apply for enforcement of an existing order, she's in clear breach and unless you are pro active, this situation will only get worse in my opinion.
Your child is being manipulated and probably rewarded for her behaviour, at three shes not responsible for what she is saying to you so try not to take it to heart.
Unfortunately it would be difficult to prove and courts only transfer residence of a child when there has been serious harm, Parental Alienation is a relatively new concept in the grand scheme, and whilst courts are becoming more receptive to accepting the seriousness of this particular kind of abuse, there's still a long way to go.
How did Contact go once you had them on their own?