So I've moved from the legal eagle section with a post for a change. Thank God ha.I went through the courts and got the outcome I wanted for me and my son so that's the story in short.
Now I've recently moved to overnights and the time I've had with my son is amazing and he loves it. There is one issue he is 2 half and he has basically been sleeping in his mums bed since he was born. Bad habit I know. I asked her about his routine and he goes a bed a 7.30 which has been fine and wakes up couple times but with a quick check on him to say it's fine he goes back to sleep. Here's the thing she says between 1-4 he will wake up and will not sleep and jumps in bed with her and this has been the case with me so far but at 1am.
Now I'm not opposed to kids sleeping in parents bed but I don't want this to be a regular habit and a routine. I've only had 2 overnights and I be honest I slept no more then 3hrs each time and was absolutely shattered the next day with him and I want to be on my game with him to both enjoy our time as much as possible. He has been full of energy next day tho unlike me lol.
I've made his room superb how do I get him into a routine in staying in his bed and sleeping through the night. I can't belive how many times he wakes up at his age and if I approach his mum with this she gets very defensive. I keep thinking I don't want to be mean old daddy makes Mr sleep in my own bed and soon as I go back to mums she let's me sleep in her bed every night.
It seems a very difficult routine to set because of this being the normal for him at his mums bit I never really agreed with this evening when we was together.
Any advise would be welcome.
Thanks
...it's difficult if you don't have the mothers cooperation to be honest, although if you decide to change it he will accept that it's different at Daddy's house.
You can introduce a reward chart, quite simply, if he stays in his own bed he gets to put a star on his chart in the morning and once he has x amount of stars he gets a reward. Rewards dont have to be expensive, just something he likes, maybe going to the park or swimming.
You can buy ready made charts, but if you make it together in might encourage him to get into the spirit of it, as whilst you're making it you can chat to him about what big boys do and what a good boy he is and how big he is... Lots of encouragement.
If he fails don't make a big deal out of it, he just can't put a star on the chart the next day. If he gets out of bed, gently but firmly take him back to his own bed, making sure he doesn't need to use the toilet, or if still in nappies, check he doesn't need a change. Don't engage with him, he will probably cry and get out of bed, ignore his cries and gently steer him back to bed again. This will go on for a few nights, but he will get the message and stay in his own bed, as long as you're consistent. It's never easy listening to our children cry, but it's the only way, some kids take to it straight away, some kids are more difficult! It depends how stubborn he is, but you mustn't weaken otherwise he will associate stubborn behaviour with getting his own way in future.
Introduce a stay in bed teddy to him and explain that this teddy only likes to sleep in his own bed with your son, let Ted whisper in your ear that he wants your son to stay in bed with him for cuddles and make your son responsible for him in that way. Have a three way conversation about being a big boy, Ted whispers in your ear how much fun it is to get lots of stars on his chart, what surprise they might get if they get enough stars, reinforce ythe message through Ted. Ted says your such a big boy, ted says he likes to stay in their own bed, Ted says he gets too sleepy, Ted says he wants a cuddle, Ted says he wants to stay in his own bed tonight like a big boy... Be creative with what Ted says!
If you have a build a bear store near by, go and build a bear with him, choose pjs to put him in and I believe you can even record a message that can go inside...maybe something about Ted being sleepy and wanting to stay in bed like a big boy.
It might be a good idea to discuss your plan with his mother, she may choose to do the same at home, which would get the message across to him much quicker. If you have success,she will probably follow suit anyway!
The alternative is to allow it to continue until he grows out of it and is old enough to reason with.
Best of luck
Thanks for the advice again Mojo. To be honest I'd give anything a try to be honest as I don't think it's a good habit for a child to have and also I'm a very light sleeper and with him in the bed I think makes my sleep worst and the idea is for us both to be able to have a good night's rest.
Obviously it's hard that the mothers attitude is if I don't let him sleep in my bed then she would have no sleep at all but my attitude was he should of been in his own bed from a very early age but this topic caused us alot if problems in the relationship so I don't think that will change now not together.
I got bundles of teddy's for him and a super cool bed with nightlights and stuff and even adults say they would loved a bed like that at that age lol. One more teddy at bear factory sounds like a good idea and fun trip out so I will do that and give the chart ago. If he warms to the idea I will tell his mum about it rather then before as she only has negative things to say about what I do which is a shame.
I was absolutely shattered last time and even when we watched a film on sofa I fell asleep only for him to use my nose as a car horn lol. Toddlers show no mercy to tiredness lol. I will give it a try as want to get a proper bed routine for both of us.
Thanks again.
Gentle firmness and consistency is required...you have to see it through once started though, otherwise he will get the message that all he has to do is play up and you will give in!