Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
My wife and i are having a constant battle at the moment over a possible 3rd child.
She is determined that she wants a 3rd child, we already have a son who is 3 1/2, a daughter who is 18 months, and i have twin girls from a previous relationship that i see on an occasional basis.
We are going through alot of financial difficulties at the moment and like many families are trying to watch every penny as it can often be difficult to see how we are going to pay the next bill etc.
We have just changed my youngest into a toddler bed instead of a cot, this then led to another heated discussion over what to do with the cot.
I sat her down and told her that although i hadnt completly ruled out the option of having another baby, i felt we needed to become more financially stable and maybe look at investing in a bigger car (mpv style) before even considering trying for another baby.
She then took the cot out to the bin sheds and has spent the rest of the day hardly speaking to me. This has made me feel extremely guilty, almost as if i have ripped her heart out and stamped on it. I tried to talk to her this evening and although she said "we" as a family are ok, and she will be fine, I am not convinced.
Anyone got any advice?
Hi
This is a tricky one, and it's difficult to give advice as it's such a personal issue between you and your wife. Would you be prepared to give a latest date (or by a certain age - might be a little less clinical) for having a third if you are happy to have another at some point? That way your wife knows that you aren't just trying to put it off altogether.
I`m in the same boat. Had two, wants a third, I don`t (at the moment), got an emotional backlash after `talking` about it. It`s a tricky one alright. On top of it all, if my wife wants to get pregnant she`ll need treatment, which can be costly and can take a long time (years even). She also feels she`s getting old (she`s 34).
I also want to be a bit more financially secure but am starting to wonder if that`ll ever happen! The issue I have with it now is I feel pressured into it rather than really want it.
Hi,
I agree with actd, that this is a very personal decision to make. Only you guys can make the decision.
I'd encourage you to both listen to the other one & show understanding to where each other is at & know that neither of you is wrong, just different! You could always get together with a marriage counsellor & discuss where you're at & get some help meeting each other half way. The word counsellor might sound a bit drastic, but we've found it really helpful in getting advice in our marriage & resolving comflict.
Am in a similar boat myself! My missus wants another child but I'm really not sure if I do. We have an 18-month old daughter together which is my second child in total but only her first. I am 29, she is 24 and I can fully understand and appreciate her broodiness but I can't say that I'm ready to have another with any sort of conviction. The thing is though, I'm not entirely sure why not. I love being a father, best thing in the World and although money is tight, it's always going to be when you have a family. There's no such thing as a perfect time to have kids, so they say and it's true but I'm not sure why I can't 'sign up', so to speak. At the moment, if I were to say 'yes' the reason would be purely because my other half wants one and that isn't right. I feel a little pressured but only because I want my missus to have what she desires and to full fill her dreams but can't dive in if I'm not ready. It's quite a sensitive subject and I guess I have some thinking and decision making to do. Any other advice would be grateful. Cheers 🙂
Hi Kev
Have you sat down and talked it through properly with your wife? Above all, you need to keep communicating so that your don't start to resent each other.
Hi actd, thanks for the reply.
We had a good chat the evening after I wrote my original post, got a few things cleared up. My missus is very understanding and she appreciates where I'm coming from thankfully. She's willing to give me time and ease up with the whole 'wanting another' talk and that's just what I need! 🙂
I guess as a father of 5 I shouldn't join in on this thread........ but 'talk' is the only real advice I've got
And like Daddyto4 I got to admit getting help from others even professionals can be really useful (if a little scary at first!!) - certainly has been a 'marriage saver' for us at points...
Isn't this one a thread our friends at Relate should be helping us on?
Hi gents, hope we're all well.
As you may have gathered from my previous post, I am in a right dilemma over whether to have another child or not so much so that it's starting to hurt my head a bit but... I think I'm actually leaning towards saying 'yes' now. 🙂 Not sure what's changed, perhaps the time I've taken to sit and think about it has helped and although I'm not at a definite decision, I'd say I'm around 70% certain. Now I hate putting percentages or 'chances are' on the incredibly serious matter of creating a life and in an 'ideal world' I should just give a certain answer straight away but an ideal world this is not and I can't help how I feel. I've been waiting around for something to jump up, hit me in the face and make me a million percent sure of having another one but that isn't going to happen.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that: In previous experience, having a baby was something I was quite unsure of at first which turned out to be the best thing I ever did so why wouldn't I want to go through that again? It will make my life (emotionally) richer and all the more happier.
When I think back to how my partner and I went about trying for our little girl Emilia Jay, neither of us were 100% certain. We were scared (her more-so as I had been there before), and we were unsure but we still went ahead and 'did it' :whistle: The worries were a little needless looking back so, stopping short of adopting a "we may as well" attitude, I'm beginning to convince myself and realise through past EXP that it can only be a good thing. Tell you one thing for definite though, he or she would certainly be my last!! 😆
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
