[Solved] Step Dad

Hi Dwayne,

I think what your sayings is very normal, you have been there since before he was born so of course you feel so much for him and feel let down that you didn't get the same congratulations that your friend did, it must have felt quite awkward to have been so involved but have no comments at all.

It's good your partner understands and is supportive, have you looked at adoption ect so you are officailly his dad ( I'm sure he will always look to you as that anyway) but you will always then be part of his life no matter what life throws at you in the future.

Darren

sounds to me like you are his father in all but name mate. I can understand why this makes you feel down - you missed the whole celebratory thing but that only lasts for a little while, what your left with is a cracking kid who is gonna look up to you.

Adoption sounds a good idea - make it official - which , by the sounds of it, is what you really want.

Hi Dwayne,

If you are interested in understanding what steps you would have to go through to adopt the wee man - I could ask the Childrens Legal Centre to pop by and give you some free advice. Just let me know in a reply and I'll get them to pop by.

Gooner

Hey Dwayne,

I know how exactly how you feel as I was in a very similar situation. When I met my gf (now my wife), after 3 dates she found out she was 8 weeks pregnant by her ex-husband (not thru much choice of her own). I was there during the pregnancy but she decided it wasnt best for me to be there when she had the baby (her ex was still in the background) and so I went to work as normal etc etc and didnt have any of the congratulations etc etc. It did kinda hurt at the same time but like the other guys have said, the congrats soon pass.

I think of that baby as my little girl, who is 3 now, and even though she sees her dad twice a week, we have a great relationship and get on much better than her and her dad ever could. We've also just had our little boy (regular readers may have noticed ive mentioned this once or twice!!!) and while it was amazing being there at the birth, it feels just the same as it does with the other kids. It's about your relationship with them as they grow up rather than what other people say. Enjoy your little man

hello,
i found myself in the same situation 25 years ago. but i missed the birth.
let me tell you my experience.
25 years ago i met a wonderful girl who was pregnant, when the hild was born i became his dad, the father did not want to know.
he grew up thinking i wa his biological father, and i was his daddy we had more children together and everything was well. i know it sounds wrong but the extended family kept the secret, (not saying this was right and not saying it was wrong) he's mother left us all10 years ago, and i had no hesitation to inform him then. to this day he is my son however not biologically but he is still my son and no one will ever change that. he did find out when he was 24 but myself this was due to the fact that my ex wifes ex husband (after our marrage) decided to get back at my ex wife and tell the rest of the children including him. however i was informed about this and got to my son first to explain the situation. he did not beleive me at first but accepted it soon after. he is treated no differently now as he ever was, he has met his biological father and everything is still ok.
what i am trying to say is that you are not stupid if you take on this other mans child. (as i was informed by my friends at the time) you just need to be sure that is what you want to do and except him for who he is and if anyother children come along he is no different from them. be there for him when its time to tell and look forward to the future.

hope all goes well for you no matter what you choose.

jwallum,

Thanks mate that's some great advice - I love it when dads who have been there & done it come on the site and share their experiences.

Sounds like you did a brilliant job of fathering your son.