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[Solved] Advice

New Member Registered

Hello All,

I am in the process of separation, and whilst my head is spinning, with numbers and emotions running high, I hoping for advice, so I know what lies ahead.

Some background:

- My partner and I are NOT married
- We have 1x daughter - 2.5yrs
- We have joint mortgage (tenants in common, I put in 40k more deposit)
- We lived there for 7 years
- She stopped contributing to the house bills January 2017 - until present
- Various house improvements have been made and paid for by me (25k est.)
- I earn around 80k per year
- She is self-employed and earns around £12k per year

I just found out (last night) that she has been having an affair with another man, apparently this happened shortly before she suggested we separate (we agreed to separate 4 weeks ago), I am currently pay for everything, bills, food, car, nursery, she doesn't contribute a penny.

I do not want to leave the house, I can afford to buy her out up to the value of around £85k, this was a rough estimate based on the value of the property and outstanding mortgage divided by 2, I was okay with this until i found out she was having an affair, and whilst I feel like playing hard ball I do not want to be in a situation where the powers that be tell me i have to leave the house I have been paying for, this is the last thing I want to happen.

My work is flexible, i could have our daughter up to 5 days per week, working from home, she works 3 days per weeks so we are generally flexible.

I've read lots of pages, I just need some first hand advice before I seek legal.

Thanks all.

Topic starter Posted : 16/10/2019 1:55 pm
Famed Member


i would suggest to NOT leave the house. even if she chases you with a knife. will probably get a lot tougher. ex will most likely build up a case against you, and try apply for an occupation order or non-molestation order, to try get you out of the house.

you should look at first securing child arrangements. your job is very flexible so you should be able to secure a lot of time to spend with your children. if you take court route, then do not let the order state that children live with mother. aim for children livr with both parents/shared care.

c100 form:

dont spend lot of money on solicitors to advise and fill in forms for you like i did. contact personal support unit (now re-branded to; support through court. they will help fill it in for free.

Posted : 17/10/2019 1:11 am
New Member Registered

hi there ....with regards your comment on this:

"if you take court route, then do not let the order state that children live with mother. aim for children live with both parents/shared care"

...why do you say that? because I am in a situation where my STBXW is refusing to say "the children will live with both parents" and that they "will live with their mother, whilst spending overnights with their father" ...even though I am having them almost half the time!!

...what is in it for her to say this? because we have already agreed the plan. Is there a financial angle?


Posted : 17/10/2019 1:52 pm
Famed Member


as she only wants children to live with her, and spend time with you; then this will most like give her a power trip, thinking that she has more rights over the children than you do. and the financial angle is you will have to pay more child maintenance if the children are in her care the majority of the time.

so even if she is not angling for money or control etc, a court order that says children live with both parents, gives more of a level playing field. its better for the children in terms of spending equal time with both parents for example. in my case even if i want an extra day with my kids, i will have to go back to court lol. because thats how my ex is. she refuses to agree to anything above and beyond the court order. if your able to secure a 50/50 arrangement through court, then you dont pay any maintenance.

Posted : 17/10/2019 10:15 pm
Jack nic
(@Jack nic)
Active Member Registered

Hi psmith...similar to me apart from I don't want to buy her out. I'd rather sell up and move on. It's a great house but with her pals staying across the road I'd she her to much for my liking and don't think I'd like the kids walking past my window all the time and no being able to see me. Is she happy about you buying her out. Will she go for that or us she wanting the house to herself and you to go?

Posted : 28/10/2019 1:51 am
Famed Member

Hi there

I would say slightly differently from the above. Where finances and property are concerned - take some legal advice initially if you are able to. After that, it's up to you whether you self rep at court or if you're able to resolve things without court.

I've seen a lot of people get in a mess with finances and it's much better to take legal advice if you can.

Best of luck

Posted : 30/10/2019 12:30 am

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