[Solved] Financial arrangements with ex: Advice

hi,

i would say do what you can to save more money, if it means you have to move in with parents. sounds like things are quite civil between you and the ex, so try keep it that way, especially in terms of money. do you have any plans to buy her out, get half the equity on the house?

Thanks for your reply.

I don’t have any thoughts regarding the future of the house at the moment. I don’t want to uproot the kids (plus it’s still early doors) so I’m paying half the mortgage at the moment, although more than one person I know has asked me why I’m doing this, and that if she can’t afford it by herself then we ought to sell it. That doesn’t really sit right with me though.

If you go for a divorce, don't put child maintenance in the divorce, leave that with CMS (in fact, I'd open a case with them so that she can't open one without your knowing and then claim you aren't paying - it's happened a lot of times), let your ex know you are doing it, and that she'll get the same amount of money.

Would also be worth maintaining your stake in the house if you are continuing to pay half, with a proviso that if it's sold, you get your share, and equally she buys you out or sells when your youngest reaches, say, 21, or if she remarries.

Thanks actd

If I open a case with CMS will it cost me anything?

Thanks actd

If I open a case with CMS will it cost me anything?

hi matt,

it costs one-off £20 to register with CMS. best thing i did and saving me lot of grief.

I understand this, and make sure you get plenty of advice here, but your viewpoint will get you nowhere IMO.

The court is likely to rule your ex keeps the house for a varying period of time and at significant expense to you and upon selling is is likely to get more than half. A divorce means the severance of the bonds you had when you were married, these include financial.

By asking her to agree to a sale in a polite way, you're probably not going to do any harm.

Just by way of comparison, I paid the joint mortgage for 2 years solo, she did her best to sabotage her career, got awarded a deferred sale (2 years), 70% share from the sale and I pay half the mortgage until then - nowhere was my good behaviour in not halting mortgage payments rewarded or compensated. I give this example not so people can play their violins (and I think I'm in a better situation than many), but just to show you that the courts are inherently biased to the mothers and that the process is a scam (they award custody to the mother almost always, then from that your resources are significantly given to the mother).

Again, the above is just my opinion!

I read your post again.

My advice is - don't get divorced - if your wife is in any way reasonable, just don't do it. Do counselling, do whatever but try and avoid a divorce.

Your CMS payments are set against your earnings minus pension contributions, so this doesn't change.

If you go down a divorce route, judges may make you pay more than the CMS. Whatever you do now could set a precedent and the court doesn't care about decent behaviour, in my opinion.

I also lived with my parents to save money, but my feeling is had I not done, the court would've awarded her less, because they can't rule that you have to live with them!

So be careful about how you set up the status quo!

should be a rule of thumb to never open a joint account.

Thanks for your advice guys. As Columbo used to say, "just one more thing..."

If I continue to pay half the mortgage until such time as the kids leave home, and then we decide to sell the house, could I expect the profits from the sale to be split 50/50 between her and I?