[Solved] 2014 Started well....

Hello

She doesn't have any powers over a new relationship, I would get a contact order set up as soon as possible, she sounds like the sort that uses the child as a weapon

Yet another mother acting in a very controlling manner….where do these people get their information / advice from to behave like this? Mumsnet?? Anti-Fathers groups??

These people have no clue of the damage they will and are doing to their children!

Control….you took her control over you away when you left her…now she is fighting to get you under her control again by making you jump through hoops to get any time with you child.

She has no right over what you do or who you see or who interacts with your child as long as you are not putting your child in harm’s way….she should trust you but she won’t.

What can you do……….

Mediation if obviously the first step which you have already gone down that route and she’s now not attending.
I would suggest the mediator should be contacting her to ask her to attend….if she refuses then tell the mediators you have no option but to take this to court and ask them for their advice and the required paperwork for you to be able to apply for a contact order.

But be aware things may go from bad to worse….as soon as your ex gets the court paperwork through or gets to know about the court involvement then things can go one of two ways……good or bad!

Good…..she increases/resumes contact knowing how much you care for your child

Bad….she stops all contact until a judge orders her to resume it….could take several months!

Bad….she then starts all sorts of trouble for you…….claims you’re violent, abusive…or worse….she of course has to be able to back these up so you now need to be squeaky clean
She could try the “he’s harassing me” card with the police….makes you look bad and you have to then prove you’re not…but gains her more time to alienate you from your child and you more distress…..this she could use to try and get a Non-Molestation order against you…..more delay in you seeing your child….and more distress.

Above all else you have to be squeaky clean………no threats verbal or in text/email/letters…..don’t enter in to arguments or put yourself in a position where you cannot prove you’ve done nothing wrong.

Easier said than done as the ex will know exactly how to push your buttons! They will use all sorts of things to try and hurt you and make you bite back….using the kids is the hardest when she’ll say you’re a bad dad…you don’t care about them etc…etc…
Don’t rise to it…..keep the texts, emails, letters…..record the threats…make notes in a diary…..all these will come in handy should you end up down the court route in a battle.

Hopefully she’ll see sense…….if not many here have experienced what you’re going through and can offer a little be of advice here and there…..you’re not alone in this…people can and will help you!

Since the day we found out that she was pregnant (*one week after we separated*) Ive kept all texts. last count was about 22,000 sms...

On the first mediation hearing I made it clear that I was going to court and that although mediation would in the short term "work" it wouldst last. My ex will play "good" while an authority is involved. When they go, shes back to her old ways. As is the case now.

I suggested to the mediator that my ex is simply playing the game while she is involved. Hence her refusal to go any further.

I did ask for FM1 at the first mediation visit but mediator refused.... I did get a letter thanking me for attending and outlining what was discussed, so if I dont get the FM1 then ill copy that letter and submit that along with the C100.

I hate the fact that she uses the child as a weapon, he's not a toy or weapon, He's a people like us. My ex is an adult and so am I.

I can kind of deal with the stuff she chucks at me and I can rationalize it. Our boy can't and that is not fair on him and he ultimalty looses out on a 2nd family life.

As to my relationship status, What i did was a bit bad BUT i needed to work out how my ex was getting info that i did not want to her to know. I told very few friends about what was going on. BUT one in particular "friend" seemed to know a little too much.

So, I merely said to him that my ex had gone mad that i had met someone....... (I hadn't) BUT within 24h I had my ex telling me that I had met someone...... I found the leak of information.

I had not confirmed nor denied that i had met someone and my reason for this is that for real i might have now met someone online and if this relationship does flourish, I don't want my new relationship to be used against me or my son.

Does this make sense?

22,000 texts!!!! I thought I had it bad originally, but simply no comparison.

Bottom line is that your ex has no control over your relationships, and unless there are safeguarding or welfare issues, then it has no bearing at all on contact. I'm not sure that you should apply for a contact order simply on her say-so that contact will stop, but I'd get the FM10 from the mediator and have the forms ready to apply for a contact order the first time she prevents it, and go for an interim order to get it re-started.