Walk up this morning to discover my wife had left with our two year old daughter. I also received a non-molestation injunction stating that I can't go near and contact my wife.
I will need to attend a 15 min hearing in 2 weeks where I can contest it.
My wife has accused me of physical violence and threats of killing her if she ran off with the child. She says that she fears for her life. Although I did not physically attack her I did threaten her of not seeing our daughter again after she threatened to run off with our daughter. I didn't mean it and I would've never have done it but emotions were running high and I said it out of fear and scare her not into doing it. I regretted it and tried to apologise but she understandably never accepted.
In the letter from the soliciter it states she still wants me to see our daughter and have a relationship with her but I need to go through the soliciter.
I've never been away from my daughter since the day she was born and it kills me to be away from her and the prospect that I can no longer see her everyday. Today has been a nightmare. I've already broke the injunction order by texting my wife for info on what she plans to do about when I get to see our daughter. She's ignored them, but when I sent her text asking if I could say goodnight to my daughter she called back. I never spoke to my wife but I got to speak to my daughter. It was heartbreaking.
Now im scared my wife might use me breaking the injunction against me. Black Mail me into accepting whatever access she grants me out of fear she'll report me and get me a conviction.
I'm not mentally strong it's not even been 24 hours since they left and I'm a mess. I just want to see my daughter.
After she left my wife sent a text that I'll see our daughter and this is backed up by the solicitor letter but unless it's 50 - 50 access, it will be devastating.
I can't afford a solicitor so not sure what to do at this hearing in two weeks. I admit to threats of violence but I don't admit to the violent acts she reported. So I guess I'm screwed. I fear the courts will advise my wife that I should only see our daughter under supervision or something.
Any words of advise would be appreciated
Welcome to the forum Mike,
Really sorry to hear of your situation, that's exactly what happened to me in March 2014, my partner left and filed a non molestation a month later full of lies.
I managed to successfully contest it months later and it was completely discharged.
It's a terrible experience and all I can say is keep your most dearest people around you for the next few weeks as you need the moral support, I couldn't have done it without my sister by my side.
Now in two weeks time you will need to attend court, you don't need a solicitor. At this hearing they will ask you if you agree to the non molestation or not. If you agree they will leave it in place, if you don't agree they will set a trial date in the next few months and ask you to submit a statement in response to your wife.
Whatever you do, do not contact her, if you want to see your child ask through her solicitor. Breach of a non molestation is a criminal offence and you can/will be arrested.
The bad news is that if your wife is anything like my ex (which most of them are) then you may not see your daughter for a longtime, yes its heartbreaking but you need to get a grip now and realise that this is not going to be a easy battle. If you are going to admit to the non molestation then my advise would be to start looking at anger management programs and DV(domestic violence) programs straight away to prove you are seeking help.
The good news is that at the end however long it takes you will get to be a part of your daughter's life, you just need to hang in there.
Now I see my daughter twice a week for 3 hours at a time which will increase over time and hopefully before summer I will get the 50/50 access I am asking for or something close. I know its crazy I too was part of my daughter's everyday life and had never gone a day without seeing her. I had to endure a good 6 months without seeing or hearing from my daughter.
Looking at everyones cases including mine the whole procedure can last for around a year sometimes more depending on other issues. So brace yourself for a roller coaster ride.
The family court is a long process and you will need to make sure you have the right information to hand and here we will all help you throughout your whole journey.
First thing you need to do is apply for mediation which is compulsory before any family application to court is made. As you have a live non molestation order your ex will not attend therefore the mediator will sign the relevant part of the family application for you to start the court procedure. Form C100. Bare in mind there is a fee and I would put aside at least £300 to get the ball rolling. This should cover the cost of the family application and mediator costs. If you are on benefits then you maybe exempt from part or all of the costs.
Start this tomorrow if you can and do not waste any time. Keep your head up mate and don't give your wife what she wants, which is to see you down and out. Fight for your daughters rights
Court does however but an enormous pressure and animosity on your relationship with your wife, so it is always advised to only go down this route if you really have to. An alternative would be to write a polite letter to her solicitor stating exactly what you want being completely child focused and if they do not reply within a reasonable time frame then you can go ahead with the court procedure.
Good luck
Craig has given you some good advice there.
If you want further support there are a few places you can go to get guidance or advice.
Coram Children's Legal Centre - helpline for free legal advice, they're excellent
Families Need Fathers - helpline is very good, they also run meetings where you can get guidance and meet other parents in your position.
The CAB - often can give basic advice but varies from branch to branch
Solicitors - many offer free 30 minute consultations which might be helpful to ascertain some basic advice and your legal position.
It isn't as daunting as it seems representing yourself, many dads on here do just that, there's much info to be had in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section. If you feel you don't want to go to court alone, you can use a McKenzie Friend, this could be a professional colleague with no interest in your case or a professional McKenzie Friend. If you explore that route, get recommendations and do your homework thoroughly. The industry is not regulated so quality of MF's varies.
Good luck
Thanks for the feedback guys.
Where do I apply for mediation? Is that through the soliciter or is there a website.
I live in Hounslow
Here's a link to the mediation website
www.nfm.org.uk
Here's a link to the Families Need Fathers website where you can find meetings in your area.
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings
I'll ask the Moderators to invite Coram Childrens Legal Centre to drop by with some advice.
Best of luck
....You could try and set up shuttle mediation, this is where you would both sit in separate rooms and the mediator would move between you to negotiate.
Some mediators also offer mediation via Skype, this may also be a solution as she is within her rights to refuse mediation due to the non mol.
You could write to her solicitor and suggest shuttle/skype mediation to try and arrange contact and think about suggesting a third party to facilitate the contact so that there doesn't have to be contact between you and your ex directly.
I'm afraid , because of the non mol you will have to jump through many hoops to get to where you want to be.
So can someone explain her solicitors role in this?
If I wrote an e-mail to my wife or letter would they pass it on?
I can't afford a solicitor. She earns less then me so I'm surprised where she's getting the money.
The letter from her solicitor stated that she wants me to "have CONTACT and a RELATIONSHIP with my daughter" - what's the difference between contact and relationship?
Basically the solicitor is acting for her so that she doesn't have to deal directly with you.
Your wife will receive copies of your communications and any response you receive will be upon her instructions, advised by the solicitor.
She may well have managed to get Legal Aid by the claims she is using for the non-mol.
Contact is the time you spend with your daughter, relationship is the affiliation and bond you have with your daughter.
You've had some good advice from NJ.
I know your area as I used to live there, I believe this mediation service is quite good and is linked with National Family Mediation
http://fsd.hounslow.gov.uk/kb5/hounslow/fsd/service.page?id=VJy_3DhDZOA
I believe childrens proceedings in your area take place at the West London Family Court in Feltham should it progress to that level.
I would definitely try to mediate at this stage.
A well worded letter to your wife's solicitor laying out the contact you would like to have with your daughter is probably the first step. Probably ask for more than you would be happy with at this stage. I know that seems ridiculous at such an emotive time when you're used to seeing your daughter every day.
Have a look at some of the links NJ and I have sent and have a think. Feel free to ask any questions, Everyone here is really friendly. Good luck to you 🙂
I'll ask the Moderators to invite Coram Childrens Legal Centre to drop by with some advice.
Thanks NJ - I've asked them to pop on.
Thanks for the feedback
When you say write to the soliciter do you mean an old school letter via the post? Or will an e-mail be ok?
I think I may have shot myself in the foot. I texted my wife last night and today asking if I could speak to my daughter. She called back and put my daughter on the phone and let me speak to her. It was heart breaking.
I contacted her in a moment of weakness. She's over at her parents with our kid and im alone in the house surrounded by all her old toys, clothes and memories.
My Wife was kind enough to let ME speak but I now fear she might use it against me if things don't go her way.
I wasnt abusive. Just asked if I could speak to our daughter and that I miss her terribly. It's sad that I could go to prison or have a criminal record for sending a text stating I miss my daughter and would like to speak to her.
I'm an idiot. Wish I was stronger
Thanks for the advise about the mediators
I guess I'll have to propose it to my wife via her soliciter. Its been two days since the injunction, my wife would be still angry, so I fear she'll reject the mediator.
If I'm honest I want both my daughter and wife back.
I'm afraid if I propose the mediatir too soon it will just drive her more away. In her last text to me she stated that she wanted a divorce but I will see our daughter
This is what I plan to send to her via the soliciter. It's a bit emotional
"Dear xxxx,
I understand you're angry but I have never been a bad father. These last few days without seeing or hearing yyyy have been heartbreaking.
Please be reasonable and grant the following things:
1) Allow me to have yyyy for 3.5 days a week
This is a crucial period of her life that I don't want to miss out on and I can't maintain a healthy relationship with her if I only see her for a few days or worse, a few hours a week.
I can look after her for 3.5 days and then drop her off at your parents house or another location of your choosing. We can rotate.
2) Please amend the court injunction so that's it's possible for me to text you about all matters concerning yyyy only.
Issues like emergencies, school, doctors, family matters etc I need to be able to communicate with you by call or text without fear of prosecution. Going through a solicitor is long and expensive. What do I do at weekend or when they're closed? Be reasonable