Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi All,
I hope that I have posted this in the right section but as it covers advice for court .
I was married to my daughter's mother for a short time.
I had a very close relationship with my daughter and then my wife left taking my daughter, I cant go into details as in court at the moment.
I had a breakdown and then had to raise the money to go to court and wait for the court to trace my daughter. Which took 3 years in total
On the first hearing my solicitor came and told me that my ex was refusing contact as she said I was physically abuse to her and to her children (not my daughter) False but it was I cant discribe how it felt.
I was devasited to say the least. However I hung in there, went to numerous hearings before my ex stated that my daughter had learning difficulties. This was her undoing.
A child pyschologits report was ordered.
The report knocked me off my feet, it stated that she believed my daughter was being abused by her mother, social services got involved.
I agreed to everything the court, social services and cafcass asked, I attended a course, did indirect contact, contact in a supervision centre, then day contact, then over night, I know have my daughter 6 nights a month, with telephone contact on multiple occassions.
My ex did all she could to distrub contact, so I applied for an enforcement order, cafcass highlighted abuse, so i have now applied for residences.
I have read alot of posts through out the web about social services, cafcass and the courts.
I may still lose my case and I hope and pray I don't.
But someone told me to be patient at the start of all this, give enough room and they hang them selves, (apart from a quib from me saying it will have to be very thick rope) I have followed this advice and it has worked wonders. I see my daughter so I am very lucky.
However the advice I would give anyone, it is very easy to give into the temptation to mud throw in court, but don't. Simply tell the truth.
This is what I have done, everytime an allegation has come up I have simply said where is the proof in a very carm voice. I dont talk in court unless the judge speaks to me, if you are lucky your ex will make all the faces and noises in the world. Dont laugh, Dont shake heads. (oh be prepared if you are in court with microphones, dont huff, if sounds like you have broken wind. My ex does it and the first time I nearly laughed)
Courts are Cafcass know that it is easy to make allegations, everytime I have raised something I have backed it up with proof. There are good and bad Cafcass officers, they are very experienced social workers and are focused on the child not you or your ex.
I wish you all the luck in the world,
I too have been told “Give someone enough rope and they’ll hang themselves”
I would like to say that my ex is doing this quite well in my case but I’m nowhere near the contact I thought after 2yrs (through the courts) I’d be getting due to the ex trying so hard to keep control over the situation.
Court on the 9th Nov. should be the next part of the noose tightening….i hope and pray that when I do put in the Enforcement order that she will be brought to task by the courts and start to pay for what she has put me and my son’s grandparents through this last 5yrs!
I’ve said it so many times in my posts on here based on advice given to me from all around me and the excellent help from Dad Talk/Dad.info contributors……Be honest and truthful despite the lies and claims by the other party…..they’re just trying to keep control over you and hurt you with the only thing they have left….the kids!
This I’m told will get better and when the kids are old enough will realise you’re were always fighting for them!
My son means the world to me……I will never stop fighting until I see him every week and have that precious bond back.
I am so glad I read this post worrieddad....I am awaiting a cafcass officer to contact me regarding residency requests from the mother ( 2 kids are with me from mon to fri). There are allegations and accusations in the application she has presented to court, all of which can be disproved. She is a very fiesty and volatile woman and if what you say is correct then she will probably "hang herself"
I have one question though. If the accusations you spoke of were disproved in court, do the court or judge respond to the lies. Is their a case for libel or contempt in court?
From memory anything that is said in the court process can not be acted on re sue for libel or slander. The judge normal only holds someone in contempt if they misbehave in court or more likely if they keep breaking the court order.
If she slanders to the someone else and they treat you differently outside of court that is different. Ie the school you would have a case i personally would be very careful for a number of reasons. The school for example wouldnt want to be involved, it could be said that you are bullying her, and you need to think of the outcome for the children, i would seek legal advice from a solicitor it is something you wish to look at.
I
Unless both you and your ex have a lot of money, I wouldn't even consider a libel case - it will take years and the real winners are the lawyers.
I would add that the lies and defamation hurts but over time becomes very much a secondary issue and is water off a ducks back.
I was given advice here before that said It is your relationship with your kids that counts, focus on that.
That was good advice, a lot of the lies and nonsense is meant to bait you and derail you. You have a lifetime to prove what, and who you are to your kid/s, you dont need to put that in front of a random judge to prove it.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.