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Hi, just wondered if anyone could help me. I split from my partner over 4 years ago we were never married and she never put my name on our childs birth certificate. However i have paid her maintenance since the day i left mainly in cash as she asked so her benafits wouldnt be detucted!!! But over the past 4 years she goes through periods of deciding i cant see my little girl (usually if she hears im happy or getting on with my life) it all came to a head again the other day and shes saying yet again i can see her. So iv no contacted a solicitor but now she is threatening me with csa but fom my understanding technically without a dna test etc... with me not being on the birth certificate they cant get involved?? For 4 years iv paid her anyway its because she knows im no longer just thretening about going through solicitors thats shes throwing everything at me saying iv not paid her right etc... (although i have texts from her saying i do give her money)!! Iv rcently this past few months before all this kicked off stated paying her via online banking as my current partner says im mad not to have proof of money iv given her over the years and after some arguing my ex did agree but now its all kicked off again shes now stopping me see my little girl AND having the cheek to say shes going to csa when i pay her anyway im just worried that if she can do that how will i prove iv paid over the past 4 years when sha always wanted cash??!!! But my main issue is access to my child i cant live with her telling me i can and cant see my own child i want to sort this properly once and for all so she cant stop me from having her when it suits her. Alls im asking is for every other weekend its not too much to ask is it??? Please any adivse/support im feeling so down with the whole situation 🙁
Hi Micky,
Welcome to the site. Sorry to hear about your problems, but it does sound like you're doing the right thing by looking for defined contact.
As regards the CSA, I believe that they can only take payments from the point that your ex approached them and won't be looking for retrospective payments from the last four years.
Sorry have to dash now, as I'm at work. I'm sure one one of the other Dad's may have some advice too!
FM '70
Forgot to mention that you need to apply for Parental Responsibility (PR) alongside your contact order. Take a look at Yoji's guide to representing yourself at the top of the forum for some useful tips.
Thanks for tip! Still keeps changing her mind about me seeing her last night she text saying i could have her today she said i can etc etc.. shes now bringing my partner into the equation saying she doesnt want her picking my littler girl up (i dont drive you see so my partner takes me) she says she can stop her legally... can she??? i dont know why shes doing this shes never had a problem before infact she even text my partner to see if she can pick her up and look after her. Bus fares and train fares are expensive and come winter i dont want to have to wait around in the cold with y little girl for a bus when we have a car!!! Shes throwing this into the equation now to make things even harder. Iv said neither myself or my partner want to have contact with her anyway we want a set agreement of every other weekend and times to pick her up etc... thats all the contact there needs to be other than emergancies obviously. Contact with her means rows etc and thats not good for my little girl. I have said we will park round the corner then but shes said no unless i pick her up and am willing to speak nicely to her i cnt have her but we have tried this it just doesnt work. Feel so frustrated right now!! agggghhhhh
Hi
Firstly, yoji's guides are at the top of the legal section - there are 3 sticky threads (probably coloured pink), 2 of them are yoji's and it's worth reading both.
Unfortunately, you will need to go to court to get a contact order, and as mentioned above, a PR order to give you much more rights. Once you have contact, unless there is a concern for your daughter's welfare, once you have contact, your ex can't control who you take your daughter to see when you have time with your daughter.
Thank you for all useful tips so far 🙂 so far my ex is agreeing to letting me have her every other weekend but says legally my partner cant be the one to pick her up (as in she drives, im always with her, i dont drive you see) and is now saying only i can pick her up on my own and my parents cant even pick her up even though they have helped me out for past 4 years picking her up and my partner the past 12 months shes doing it to be akward is there a law that says only i can pick her up?? surely not as im aiming towards having no contact with my ex what so ever as it just doesnt work!!
Hi
Unfortunately, you do not have PR, and there is no contact order, so at the moment your ex can control contact. You need to consider mediation, but you may also be looking at a contact order and also gaining PR in court, which will give you a lot more rights, and with a contact order, your ex won't then be legally allowed to place these restrictions.
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