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Hello,
I have a friend who is having trouble with his ex. They have one biological child together who is 4 and the ex has two older (10 & 7) children who call my friend dad and believe he is their dad, he has been around since they were 4 and 1. They split up 2 years ago and continues to have access to all 3 children but he is being used as an on call babysitter, he gets a phone call or text saying that the girls want to see him and when he turns up the mother dissappers off out. He want to arrange formal access that is set in stone so he is not used like this anymore. The ex has not allowed him to take the girls to his for the night and he has to stay in her bed while she stays at her blokes, she says she doesn't trust him to take them to his but she has no problems with leaving him with them at hers.
Basically I am asking on his behalf where he stands if he was to take legal action in order to have access arranged for one evening a week and every other weekend from friday night to sunday night, can he gain legal access to the 2 children that are not biologically his.
I really want to help him as I really feel for him and as a mother myself cannot understand why the ex is doing whats best for her and not the children.
Thank you in advance.
Thank you for contacting the Childrens Legal centre via Dad Talk. We can offer the following advice.
Your friend is able to apply for a contact order in respect of all the children. The amount of time he is requesting seems reasonable. Mum's argument that he can look after the children in her home and not his would probably not be seen as a good one. The fact they lived together for 6 years and your friend was encouraged to call the non biological children Dad suggests that she trusted him with all the children.
The contact with his own daughter would be fine, and the courts do award contact with non biological children though this can depend upon both the biological parents wishes and those of the children. If the children are asking to see him, and they are able to express their wishes to the court via a Cafcass Officer, there needs to be very good reasons for him not continuing to see them. The court look at stability as very important to children and your friend sounds like he has been a caring adult which is to his benefit and the fact that Mum sees fit to call on him ad hoc again would be in his favour.
The court also looks at what it thinks is in the children's best interest. If your friend would like to look at the welfare checklist that the court considers in contact applications, visit www.childrenslegalcentre.com under legal advice, child law and contact and there are a list of questions and answers that may be useful to him.
If your friend wants to be very specific about contact times, it is best to be clear about this at the time the order is written and to check this carefully. The terms of the order can be varied if both parties agree, and it is advisable to be open to flexibility at times. If orders of the court are broken this is contempt of court and the offender can be taken back to court but also need to bear in mind there is no one actually enforcing the order. It is up to the adults to make sure it works.
Every case is looked at on its own merits so it is not possible to give a definite outcome.
Hope this is helpful for your friend.If he would like to ask any questions he can contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 802 0008
Kind Regards
Child Law Line Advisor
Child Law Advice Line
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