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Hi there, I would really appreciate some advice on what steps I need to take and what rights I have to seeing my daughter.
Basically I have a daughter with my ex who I used to have regularly every Wednesday & Thursday (my days off) after my ex and I split. There was always an atmosphere as my ex has never liked my partner but it would always come and go sometimes she would be fine other times she would kick up a fuss. But one day when she came to collect her she said this is the last time you will see her we are moving to London, after months of no contact I find out she had never moved there and was living in the same town still. Finally when I get in contact and get to see my daughther again she has started nursery so my ex decides I cannot have her on my days off as she has school. Meanwhile me and my partner have bought a house together which kicked up a big fuss again and after my daughters 4th birthday I have not seen nor heard from my ex. I have made many attempts at contacting her but have no address just a phone number which is never answered and texts never replied to. I visited my ex's parents who claim they do not see her but will try and get in touch so I can see my daughter I had no response from them. It has now been over a year since I have seen my daughter and I need advice on what rights I have and what steps I need to take to get her back in my life.
I pay child support and have done she she was born, for seeing her 2 days and 2 nights every week. I do not have alot of money for lawyers but would appreciate any information that can be given. I am a good father who loves my daughter but have a bitter ex and do not know what rights I have. I have been hesitant to do anything as I do not have alot of money for court bills and worry that she may have more rights than me and stop me seeing my daughter altogether. Please help this has gone on for too long and I shouldn't have let it get this long without seeing my daughter.
Hi KyronHughes,
Really sorry that you are having such problems getting access to your daughter. I will get our legal partners The Childrens Legal centre to stop by and give you some advice. In the meantime I'm sure that other DadTalkers would be happy to share their knowledge with you.
Could I ask - do you have Parental Responsibility for your daughter ?
Thanks
Gooner
Hi yes as far as I am aware I do have parental responsibility, my name is on her birth certificate and she was born the 14/06/2005, I was looking into the Parental Responsibility law as I wasn't aware of this until recently.
OK, first off, as you have correctly gathered, you do have parental responsibility. You ex does have control over your daughter, but she has a right to see you and your ex should be helping this to happen, and obviously isn't. Your first step is to try mediation - the only problem I can see if that you need to have an address to be able to contact her, and I'm not sure how you go about this. You say you are paying maintenance - is this through the CSA or directly into her bank? If it's directly, then you can send a sealed, stamped letter to her bank with a covering letter requesting that they forward this on. If it's via the CSA, then you could try to ring them and see if they will forward on a letter for you.
Unfortunatley it is directly to her bank, I do have my ex's parents address but they will most likely be reluctant to give me this. I did visit them as I couldn't get in touch with my ex and they claimed that they were also having problems with contact, but didnt go into detail. They said they think I should be seeing my daughter and that I should fight for her, but I don't understand why it should have to go to court because my ex is disgruntled. They said they would get in touch and see what they could do, but they never did.
I may pay them another visit to see if I can obtain an address, me and my ex were never married is mediation still a way forward? Is it expensive?
OK, the fact that you are paying direct to her bank is probably easier, it means that any mail you ask to be forwarded is less likely to get lost or delayed in the process. I'm not sure that the courts would be too happy with your ex withholding her address if the sole purpose was to prevent contact. I'd keep a diary of everything you have done, and do in the future - this will add weight to your argument should it get to court.
I don't know the costs of mediation, but I don't think they are expensive (the idea is to try to avoid court if possible, so avoiding costs etc) and you don't have too much choice if you want contact. I think others have mentioned the mediation service on here - so worth contacting them and mentioning that you don't have an address, but have bank details and see what they suggest. First step though, would be to contact the Children's Legal Centre and see what they suggest.
Dear KyronHughes,
By virtue of having your name on your daughter’s birth certificate you do indeed have parental responsibility. Parental responsibility relates to the rights, duties and responsibilities that parental responsibility holder’s have in relation to a child. By holding parental responsibility you are entitled to talk to your daughter’s school, attend parent’s evenings and receive school reports. Neither parent is able to change a child’s surname without the consent of the other person with parental responsibility. When it comes to taking the child abroad the consent of the other person with parental responsibility is required. Ideally all major decisions relating to a child should be discussed by both parents. One parent does not have more rights than the other; on a practical level, since your daughter is living with the mother she is established as the resident parent and therefore making the day to day decisions. However this does not mean that you are not able to be involved in your daughter’s life.
In regards to contact; contact is considered the right of the child, and they should be seeing both parents. On a practical level, because your daughter resides with the mother, the mother is currently able to control what contact takes place. Whilst a child is younger it is the resident parent who decides what contact takes place, but there are steps you can take to secure contact. Mediation is definitely an option worth considering; this would be an opportunity for you to sit down with the mother and a neutral third party to discuss concerns and try and reach some agreement in relation to contact. You do not have to have been married to attend mediation, and costs of mediation will vary depending on where you go for mediation. You can locate a local mediation centre by looking at the website of National Family Mediation who have mediation centres around the country. You can contact them either via their website address which is www.nfm.org.uk or by calling them on 0300 4000 636, they will then be able to tell you about their costs.
If the mother is not willing to attend mediation or discuss contact then you may want to consider applying for a contact order. A contact order states specific times and days for contact, this is legally binding and the mother will have to comply. As mentioned above contact is considered the right of the child and is granted in the majority of cases. The fact that there has been regular contact will support your application. One way of doing this is through a family solicitor who will be able to make the court application and represent you in court. If you think you may be eligible for legal and but are not sure you can use the online calculator to establish your eligibility at
www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk .
If you find you are not eligible for legal aid you are able to apply for a contact order yourself. The form you will need is the C100 and can be found at
www.hmcourts-service.co.uk . There are also two guidance forms to complete this which are the CB1 and the CB3 which can also be found at the above website. You will need to deliver or post these to the family proceedings court; this will be located in either the magistrates or county court and needs to be the court local to where your daughter lives. There will be a court fee payable of £175. The court will then set an initial court date and will explain the court process to you.
We hope the above information has been of use to you. If you have further questions please contact our child law advice line on 0808 8020 008.
Kind regards
The Children’s Legal Centre
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