I’ll try to keep this as straight forward as possible.
I am currently seeking residence of my son who lives with my ex. After a number of worrying things he has told over some time about his mother and her new partner. Previously to this i had been in court to obtain regular contact and facetime calls etc. My ex has broken the order a number of times. With my arrangements i travel 120 miles to collect my son on a Friday and drop him home on a Sunday every fortnight. So all in i travel around 480 miles each weekend which is roughly 8 - 10 hours in the car. She refuses to contribute to any travel what so ever.
But my main concern being the things my son has said about my ex’s partner and my ex which i believe to be mental and physical abuse.
Anyway, A few days a go i had my final hearing with my CAFCASS section 7 report being read and the case worker being questioned by my barrister. The report overall recommended my son stays with his mother. However the report being criticised by my barrister for its lack of work done with my son and myself. The officer had never visited my home and heavily criticised my action plan for if my son were to move. In the report the CAFCASS worker said my son has to protect his younger sister when his mother and partner argue. The report also stated my son said he wants to live with me and that the only people he can trust is me and my partner. From what i could see the CAFCASS officer was very flustered and embaressed.
I left the court whilst the magistrates had their discussion and on returning they ordered an addendum report, from what i cangather this means for the CAFCASS section 7 report to be done again. Much to my disagreement the officer would be the same that did the original report. The officer however was ordered to deeply explore my allegations as reported by my son to me and to visit my home.
My concern now is my son has been exposed to all this and already knows that his mother is fully aware of everything he has told me. Since returning to court for residency his attitude has completely changed from him expressing for over 2 years his wish to live with me. I believe his mother is mentally abusing him and alienating me. He is 7 years old and is a very bright young man.
How can i prove in court the the things he has told me? All i have is a diary for over 2 years of things he has told me and my partner. I am deeply concerned that the CAFCASS officer will now be totally biased if not already, after being badically told her original work was poor and not done correctly.
Any advice?
I would have thought the Cafcass officer would be on the backfoot now and try to present a more balanced update in the addendum.
Did your barrister ask for a change of Cafcass officer given the report's biased nature?
Yes, My Barrister suggested what i believe is a section 37? And a new officer be allocated. The court rejected this and made specific orders for the current CAFCASS officer to look into the allegations further and to visit my home.
A S37 would have been more appropriate in my opinion too. I am surprised that the magistrates didn't do either thing but then they do like to sit on the fence. Hopefully the addendum will be more balanced. Good that you have a barrister if you're with magistrates.
I agree with Yoda, an S37 would have been more appropriate... the CAFCASS Officer should be more focussed now, but I can understand that this isn't ideal.
It's always such a worry when the child's confidences to one parent come out, hopefully the mother will be careful what she says and does to your son now.
Will you be having contact with him between hearings? I think it's a good idea just to sit him down and explain in simple terms that he is a good boy for being honest with you and that it's important that he continues to tell you when something happens and that a lady will be talking to him and it's also important that he tells her the truth.
Have you spoken to your sons school? They can offer him pastoral support, someone to talk to about his worries. I think it's important he is supported and the school can provide this.
Best of luck
Yes, I see him every fortnight for the weekend and holidays are shared following my court order i obtained a few years ago. My main concerns are that he had the courage to tell me and my partner about what has gone on. Now his Mum has found out about these he things he has openly said “mummy said not to tell you things anymore” and said to my partner “ i thought i could trust you” Since the start of my application for change of residency his behaviour has changed massivley, Openly expressing he doesn’t want to live with me and all the things he said were a lie.
I’m just hoping the CAFCASS officer will unravel these things from him and do a more thorough job. However after witnessing the CAFCASS officer get so heavily criticised in court i am very uneasy to how she will do her next report.
I have contacted the school and they assure me he will have plenty of support.
It’s almost frustrating as i have always told him to tell the truth and never tried to sway him in any direction, knowing that he plucked up the courage to tell CAFCASS his feelings would have taken alot for him.
Hopefully, he will settle down, it's understandable why he's feeling angry, that why it's important to have the discussion with him about why you had to do it.. children are more resilient than we give them credit for. I would try and make your time together lots of fun, with lots of reassurance and cuddles.
It's not easy I know and at the moment your little boy is carrying a heavy burden, no doubt his mother is making him feel guilty, you must remember that he loves his mother, even though she hasn't done the best by him. Our children love us unconditionally, I think you need to reassure him that if it is decided that he will live with you, you will make sure he sees his mummy lots. He's a confused little boy at the moment...but he will be working things out inside.... just be honest with him.
All the best
Here's a link to the updated CAFCASS Operating Framework. Do your research on CAFCASS best practice and hold the officer to account. There's a section on the voice of the child that you may find useful.
I don't mean that you should beat her with it, just show her that you understand their operating process and what your child should expect from them. I find the argument that he needs to protect his younger sibling falls down on so many levels, he should be protected from the hostile environment, as should his sister, Cafcass should be recommending that this is looked into and family support offered, not that your son be placed in the middle of it!
Best of luck
Thanks for the advice.
There were so many failings on the report. The CAFCASS officer did not use the toolkit that they are ment too and dismissed my sons wishes. It is avery tricky situation as i always promote his mother and her partner as much as it gripes me to do so. It’s hard for to explain to him why his mother doesn’t bother to facetime or call whilst he is in my care on a holiday for example!
I will continue to battle my way through as i cannot give up on my son and what i believe are his best interests. It is re-assuring to see so many guys going through similar experiences and i’m not alone.
Thanks.