[Solved] Advice on a death

Hi Tom and welcome 🙂

I am sorry to hear of your loss, your daughter must be feeling really confused and upset and my sympathies go out to you all.

I can understand the delicacy of the situation and I think you are right to wait until the New Year but I wouldnt leave it any longer ... I would imagine her parents will be half expecting the issue of custody to arise...It will be very difficult for them to let go but I'm sure if they can be reassured that they can have plenty of contact they will accept the situation, and may even allow it to happen without putting up a fight. If you could come to an agreement without the need for court it would be best for your daughter, she has been through enough and she needs the people that are most important to her to be working together to help her move forward....and this is the stance you could take when opening discussions perhaps.

My heart goes out to you both and I wish you the best of luck with it all 🙂

Hi, this is a sad situation. I would think you have every right to have your daughter live with you, have you a bedroom for her and can you look after her, take to school pick up etc.
Where do you think your daughter wants to live, this is about what is best for your daughter. Are you having your daughter over Christmas . I expect the grandparents already know what is likely to happen, will it mean your daughter changing schools ?

I will ask the CCLC is they can give an opinion on this, so keep checking back here for that.

Hi,

And thanks for the replies!

I can get her to and from school, and she can stay at the school she is at as it's only a mile from my house. She has her own room here at mine, too.
I was meant to have her last night, but I had no to replies from her grandparents, and was told by an uncle (who lives there) that they had family around and wouldn't be possible to have her. However, I'm meant to be having her tonight and I've said im having her right until Xmas eve, as it was already planned for her to wake up as normal there on Xmas day to open her presents off her mum, and she would then come to me for dinner. After that, there is no more arrangements apart from the funereal on the Friday (28th) where she will stay her grandparents house the night before due to them having her outfit and being driven in the funeral car with them. But surely there's no stopping me having her with me from Xmas day 'til the night before the funereal!?

I've already spoken to her in a way not to sound forceful or anything and asked if she would be happy to live with me now and still see her grandparents and she has said yes. So there's no problem on her side of things. Just seems the last few days they have clamped down on me having her and I went down to see her and they were dropping hints of her living there and making her feel very comfortable by doing her bedroom up and buying her new things. Even on the day of the death her great great grandmother had said "i hope you know nothing changes, she belongs where she is", and that really annoyed me. Thing is, they are both in ill health and have their own kids living there (older kids) and its not the ideal environment for a child. Just want to do right by her and give her a nice stable life and a life she deserves. When I go down to say I'd like her to live with me, I'm going to propose that she perhaps stays with them once or twice during the week and once every other weekend. Does that seem fair!? Or too fair!? Just thought it would be ideal at first due to her spending so much time there as it is now.

Thanks again,

Tom

Hi Tom, well It sounds like they already think your daughter should stay with them. I think you need legal advise and quick, it may mean you have to pay for an hours appointment with a family solicitor. Did your ex make a will with her wishes what happens. I would wait for the cclc to reply to your post or you can phone them direct, they can only advise you if you have no solicitor. I wouldnt wait to long as they could apply for a residency order and I think you need to do this your self. you can sort out arrangements of contact when you sort every thing else out, i would ask your daughter what contact she wants with her grandparents, good luck

Dear tomhunt29

Thank you for your e-mail.

It is firstly important to establish whether you have Parental Responsibility for your daughter.

You would have this if:

• You were married to the mother;
• You are named on the birth certificate and child was born after 1st December 2003
• If the birth has been re-registered after 1st December 2003.
• You have a Parental Responsibility agreement with the mother;
• You have a Parental Responsibility Order from the court;
• You have a Residence Order from the court

Parental Responsibility is defined in s.3(1) Children Act 1989 as being: "all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property".

Please be aware that unless there are any Court Orders in place in favour of extended family members, only you and the child’s mother will have Parental Responsibility. If the mother appointed her parents as a Guardian in her Will this does automatically provide them with rights towards your daughter.

If you do have Parental Responsibility you can have your daughter reside with you and extended family members can only prevent this via a Court Order (i.e. a Residence Order).

If you do require further legal advice and you are not instructing a solicitor please feel free to contact our freephone advice line on 0808 8020 008 open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday. Alternatively you can contact us via our webchat facility www.childrenslegalcentre.com which is open Monday to Friday 9-6pm.

Yours sincerely,

Coram Children’s Legal Centre

Just a quick update.

I've told the grandparents my plan of action, and they are now refusing me access and no long reply to messages or phone calls.
They have even took her out of school today due to the fact they think I'm going to take my daughter and they will never see her.

I told them I am not taking my child away from them and have offered them access on a weekly basis, which would be twice a week and once every other weekend, some say this is too much!? This is not good enough in their eyes. They are saying she belongs with them and that they are the mother and father to my child. They have done her bedroom up at their house and been spoiling her, and in my eyes, this is a way of winning her over and making her feel more than comfortable staying with them. I've been texting my daughter as she had a mobile for Xmas, I don't get replies off her, I no it's the grandmother or their daughter in law. I've made a log of all texts, meetings, phones calls and so on to build a case up. I am yet to still contact a solicitor as I want to give them a chance to think things through. I actually rang my daughter on Tuesday after she had been on her first day back to school since the death and Xmas holidays. She wouldn't really talk or say much and I know this is down to someone else being with her. I got a text off the grandad stating I have no chance as she don't want to move in with me, I no myself that she does as she told me.

What do you guys recommend I do? Do I wait for them to think things through and do things that way or should I go to a solicitor and take things further? I've been advised to contact the police and get an officer to come down the house with me so there is no trouble and bring my daughter home. I'm not a fan of this though.

If I go down to the house I'm going to be greeted with my daughters two uncles and grandparents and I know they will use violence towards me. I've seen it before with them.
Both grandparents are in ill health as it is, and they have said she stays with them til she is 16, which indicates to me that they are after benefits for her, it's the sort of people they are.

Any further info would be really grateful.

Thanks in advance.

Tom.

I have actually spoke to some one at clc now so I have been out in the right direction. Thanks for your help guys.

Tom

Good luck with it then Tom 🙂 Please do let us know how it all goes.