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Hello,
I have posted in this previously and got some great advice so am here again!
My partner is currently fighting for contact with his newborn daughter and the courts have finally processed the forms and located her whereabouts, we have a court date of 30th september!!!!
Now she has received the forms - she has got in touch!! We were expecting it really, but she has said she doesn't want to go through courts and would like to talk. We had already thought about this possibility and my partner decided that due to her prior erratic behaviour the court still needs to go ahead even if she offered something, as even if agreed she is likely to constantly mess him around and probably end up withdrawing contact again. On some advice he is going to reply and suggest they reach an agreement before going to court, and then attending to present it to the court and make it legally binding.
What we are entirely unsure of, is what will be reasonable contact in the eyes of the court??
His daughter is almost 3 months old (he has so far only seen 2 photos!!!), so we don't want to push for what the court may think is too much. As he is away all week and only here at weekends, being based in Harrogate on the army camp, we were thinking of suggesting a couple of hours/morning/afternoon every weekend or every other weekend. And then the contact to grow as she grows. Initially obviously the mother will need to be present as she is so young and will be anxious, but at some point for him to take her out for a morning. And finally at some point to have her over night at our house. We do live together so am unsure how the mother will try and stipulate I am not to be around, but I do want to be a part if her life as I love my partner very much and intend on standing by him no matter what!!
If anyone can offer some advice on reasonable contact and scales for increased contact it would be greatly appreciated!! 🙂
Also, just to confirm, I met my partner 2 months after they split, they were on,y together a few weeks when she fell pregnant and she finished with him at 3 months. He intended initially on staying because of the baby but thankfully for him saw how his life would be [censored] if they had stayed together and the baby would be better with 2 happy parents apart, especially as the mother was truly horrible to him. Although the whole situation is really difficult for me to comprehend that another woman has the newborn baby of the man I love, I couldn't walk away as I quickly realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Maybe I need to make a new post elsewhere to spill the beans on my feelings.......!!!!
Thank you all in advance
Hi there 🙂
Great news that shes made contact! I think its best to move this forward as quickly as possible. If you can get an agreement in place before the court date it will just be a matter of attending and getting it rubber stamped. If you are both in agreement about times and days etc the court wont involve itself except to draw it up into a consent order.
As your partner hasn't met his baby yet then she will need to be there...I would suggest that you ask for -
Supervised contact every weekend for 2 hours at a day and time to suit the mother. This to continue for 6-8 weeks. If she is breastfeeding this may have to continue a little longer than this to accommodate feeding times. If she is bottle fed you can move it along a little quicker.
Assuming she is bottle fed then contact could move to unsupervised for a morning or afternoon every weekend, on a day that suits. This could continue for a further 8-12 weeks. The baby will be getting more independent of her mother by now so you could progress it to a full day every weekend. By the time she is a year old then you will have been able to progress contact to an overnight...another 6 months on and a full weekend should be viable. At this point a midweek visit could be added.
There is no set time for contact, its what suits each family...some Dads find it easier to get lots of time with their child, others have to fight for every hour....its down to the how the mother is at the end of the day.
It might be a good idea to find out what the mother thinks is reasonable access first and then take it from there.
I know you want to be involved from the beginning but you might have to stay in the background initially, but I'm sure you have already given that some thought.
I'm not sure if Mediation would be available at the weekends, if it is it might be a good idea to negotiate through a mediator, especially if negotiations aren't going well.
Best of luck. 🙂
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