[Solved] Advice please for final hearing

Hi Is your ex disagreeing because she has welfare concerns regarding contact or her own issues. Its about the child/children not what has gone on between you and your ex. Judges listen to cafcass that's why they asked for a fact finding hearing, cafcass have recommended contact via a contact centre so I should imagine this is what will happen . If she opposes then she will have to explain why. You will be guided by the Judge and court worker, be honest stick to the answers . Do your research on the contact centre, explain why you think going through a contact centre would be the right thing to do at the moment. Don't worry try not to stress. Take any notes you have made already

Thanks, she opposed in Court saying she disagreed with some of what cafcass had said
IE: cafcass said she has not told the child who is biological father is? mother denies this (even though she wrote in a statement that she was going to tell the child when he was older)
and on the basis that back in 2008 when she first left i said to social services she was an unfit mother !
Whilst I may well have said this, this was in hightened emotional stress and since 2008 i have made no suh reports nor during court either .

The reason I think a contact centre is right, is because i have had no contact with the child, and so this contact needs to be gradually built up in a neutral setting for me and the child, this way cafcass can also report on how this is going and look to reveiew and build upon this.

Im waiting on a statement from the mother again, detailing why she still opposes and will go from there
Will i need to cross examine her and cafcass again?

Just really worried, they will turn Judge agains the recomendations of cafcass

Hi there 🙂

When are you in court next bobbya?

Try not to worry too much about what your ex is doing, its very common for the other side to object and the judge will have heard it many times before!

Just concentrate on organizing yourself, if you need to write a position statement then start that...there is an example of a position statement in Yojis sticky " A Guide to representing yourself in court" which is at the top of the Legal Eagle section.

I think you will be given the opportunity to question the ex and CAFCASS, so think about what you would like to ask and write it down so that you can reference it in court. It always good to take a pad and paper to make notes whilst in court and if further questions arise from anything tshe or her solicitors say , add it to your list of questions.

I seem to remember your ex is from Pakistan, I think its important that you recognize in court that our cultures are vastly different and how important it is that your child is bought up being comfortable with both. You could perhaps acknowledge that some of the difficulties you and your ex have faced may be down to cultural differences, rather than blaming her personally....again come across as hoping to resolve any differences in the future for the benefit and well being of your child.

If you're representing yourself then keep to the facts that Cafcass agree with your thoughts that Contact centre to start off with is best and question why the mother still refuses this as it is in a safe neutral place for your child and yourself so she should not have any worry or concern.

if you're happy with what Cafcass say in their report then tell the judge you are....if you're not then say what you disagree with.

if you've a solicitor then they should be pushing the judge to go with contact centre as the staring point anyway.

it sounds just like your ex just doesn't want you involved but stay strong and fight for your child's right to grow up knowing who his father is and a right for you being a part of his life.

thanks to all, yes she is from pakistan but her reasons for objecting unfortunately dont fall into this cultural difference.
She just does not want me in his life. She only had the child to secure her stay here I think as when you come on a spousal isa and you split from that person you get deported. Unless of course you have a baby!!!

So she used me, and therefore didn't actually want me as a dad to her child or even to have a child with me, i was just a sperm donor if you like, she has remarried and I think is quite happy to bring the child up knowing the new husbands as daddy and all his side as the paternal side and completley ignore me or my existence.

Thing is I do not really know what questions to ask the ex, other than
"why do you still oppose when its at a contact centre, which is safe for both you and the child"
but that gives her the option to plead fear etc

Cafcass I have nothing again really to ask, as I do not object with that they have said . . .

I have done a position statement before, so I can just update that.
I guess till i get her new statement with her new rubbish reasons, i wont know where she is coming from.

How can I be more like a solicitor in terms of ensuring the jduge goes along with cafcass, what sort of questions would/should I pose to cafcass and to the stupid ex to try and show that she isn't scared and is just be a hinderance?

...I would ask her things like...

" We live in a richly diverse and multi cultural society, do you appreciate what being of mixed race means for our child?

Do you agree that its important that our child is helped to understand both cultures that are a natural part of his/her life?

"it can be hard for a mixed race child to understand who they are, how will you facilitate that for our child?"

"Do you agree that its important for our child to have a loving relationship with both parents?"

If you're clever and ask her questions that you know she doesnt agree with but has to be seen to agree with....using "Do you agree" is a good way of doing this. Asking her why gives her too big an opening and hands control of the answer over to her.

I hope that helps...

Thank you, although her issues doesn't seem to be about the mix race. I also am from Pakistan although born here and her new husband is English.

At this stage her only reasons for objecting are fear that I will start contact and stop
That I am abusing substances (although court has accepted two drugs/drink tests from work) and said they won't be asking for more and carcass have also confirmed no need.
That I was violent in the past..
And that I called her unfit mother years ago

What sort of questions could I ask around this?

Ok, sorry about that Bobbya...just from your previous posts I got the impression yours was a multi cultural relationship! :}

My advice still stands as far as how you phrase the questions... your approach might be -

I would like to apologise for the hurt that I caused to you back in 2008 when I accused you of being an unfit mother. The situation at the time was stressful for us both and we both acted in ways that we may now regret....I know I do but its time to move on from that for the sake of our child. Can you accept my apology for what happened all those years ago and allow us all to move forward for (childs name)sake?

CAFCASS have recommended the initial contact be at a contact centre and I agree with this as(Childs Name) and I need time to get to know each other again, and I want to make sure that (childs name) is completely comfortable with me before we consider unsupported contact. I understand your concerns that I might stop and start contact, what reassurances can I give you to help allay your concerns?

If the supported contact goes well and I have shown that my intentions are to be a loving and consistent father to our child, do you agree that having both of us in (childs name)is whats best for him/her?

...Its very difficult to pose questions for you not having all the facts etc but again ask her questions that she really has to agree to...and if she doesnt agree to them she will come accross as being unreasonable and inflexible... We all make mistakes, especially when we are young and lack life experience....we all have to be allowed to accept responsibility for past actions and move on, and this is the stance I would take if I were you and are questioned about what happened in the past as far as violence and substance abuse is concerned. Impress on the judge that its who you are today that is important, and you will do everything in your power to enrich and nurture your child and play a full and constant part in his/her life.

Thanks, that's ok about the culture thing lol, it's just she is more of a freshly lol so to speak, and was born in Pakistan,me here as I was born here but parents are from Pakistan.

That's great tips on the wording. And gives me food for though, especially the unfit mother mother but and apologising for it, although I don't think I can go too far with that lol.

Is it worth asking the questions about what else I can do to elleviate her concerns, as what if she suggests something obscured or that I wouldn't be happy with?

I always find that being nice to someone that's being nasty kinda throws them off course a bit! Apologising for something that happened a long time ago and asking to move on shows humility and maturity. You're putting her on the spot, if she says yes she can accept your apology then that sets the tone, if she says no she can't then that just shows her inflexibility and puts her in an unfavourable light....this is just my opinion though and you must do what you think is right.

The questions I posed were just examples of how you might structure your questions to get a positive response but not leaving yourself too exposed.

How to be more like a solicitor? Well you don’t need to be….a solicitors is cold and hard.

Stick with what you want for your child…why you want it…and why its in the best interests of your child….stay totally child focussed….

why is it best for your child to have you in his/her life?....make sure you have honest and simple answers.
Your child has a right to know you exist, if contact is not taking place how will they know who you are?
Oh and don’t forget the mother no doubt will be happy to take maintenance from you but not allow you to spend time with your child!

If there has been no suggestion of DV (Domestic Violence or Abuse) then make sure you use that as part of your reasoning….make sure you tell the judge that there are no safe guarding issues that should prevent you having direct contact with your child…..no reports or DV etc…
If she claims there has been then she will need to prove it and you will need to defend against it….if she has never claimed any DV as the reason for stopping you seeing your child then I’d push that if she raises it now!

Well she alleged DV against her and we had fact finding where judge agreed on some instances.
But there has never been dv since child was born and I have not been known to the police since 2008 and live with another woman as my wife and her child...