[Solved] Advice please - seeking a residence order

Hi Timmy,

Welcome to the site! Sorry to hear about your situation, but you're amongst friends here!

Your daughter is at an age were the courts would take note of her wishes. What does she feel about the current situation?

FM '70

Hi mate,

She does want to still see us both as parents and is happy to be with me as long as she can still see and stay with her mum, which I would not stop her doing. At the moment I just have concerns about her mums intentions and really need to 'get in first' to try and get some security as a single dad.

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I would have a read of yoji's posts at the top of the legal section, they are a good place to start.

However, unless your ex is agreeable to you having residence, to be honest, it doesn't sound like you have great concerns for her wellbeing where she is at the moment - can you elaborate when you say you have concerns about her intentions? The problem is that the courts won't generally move a child unless there are good reasons for doing so - I'm not saying it can't happen, but I think it might be a big struggle which could make the situation worse than it is, so you need to be sure that going for residence is the best course of action.

Any kind of residence or shared residence order is going to be an uphill struggle and, as ACTD points out, a court will not move a child without good reason.

Am I right in thinking that you want to firm up your shared residence arrangement, rather than attempt to go for full residency?

If things are tense between you and your ex, perhaps you could use a family mediation service to broker a better arrangement for the three of you?

broker a better arrangement for the three of you?

That's an excellent point FM, and there may be another option. Timmy, it may be an obvious point, but are you and your ex still on speaking terms? If so, how about the first step being for all three of you to sit down somewhere and for you and your ex to speak openly with your daughter - she's old enough to make a valuable contribution, and if she feels she is being included in the negotiations, she's going to feel like you are both working towards what's best for her, and she may then feel able to reason with your ex on sticking to an agreement.

Thanks FM and ACTD for your replies. FM your right that my motivation for seeking a residence order is to strengthen my current position regarding shared residency. To be honest we are definitely not on speaking terms and my concern is that the mother ( therefore the de-facto primary carer in eyes of the law ), can, at will, make drastic changes to current and future arrangements. Unfortunately she has more recently become close to a network of single-mums and whilst I am trying not to be too disparaging about them, I am aware that their collective outlook on anything of a paternal nature is not particularly supportive!

Beware the Coven!

How long have you been seperated from your ex? How long has this mutually agreed shared residency arrangement been in place?

If your ex does become obstructive and you do need to go to take legal action, a court will usually be inclined to award the level of contact that you previously enjoyed. Your daughters feelings will also be a contributing factor towards the courts decision.

However I can only stress the importance of trying to resolve this through mediation, for your daughter's sake as much as anything. ACTD made a really good point, perhaps you should ask your daughter if she'd like you and her mum to try and reach an understanding? You can then write to your ex (keep a copy), explain that you realise things are still raw between you, but you want to move forward and put your daughter first. You recognise that you both may need some help to overcome your illfeelings and suggest mediation as a possible way of making things better...

... you'll have to demonstrate to the court that you're willing to be reasonable anyway, so should she decline an offer of mediation and become obstructive she'll have unwittingly shown them she's the real problem!

FM '70