Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
I'm a newbie to the site and like a lot of dads on here I'm having trouble with the ex. I've been separated now for 4 years and paying maintenance of around £420 a month for my 8 year old agreed between us. We have a separation agreement and have 50/50 access. My ex has now moved to a different country (with my permission) but now Christmas is coming she is calling the shots and dictating to me that I can have her for 2 days only. Can I shoot her and get away with it?? Sorry did I just say that out loud. I mean, what is the best solution, should I go down the road of fighting for my child (don't want to drag her into the middle of it) or just take what I'm given and be happy that I still see her for a day or two. Also I'm saving for a house and with a new mortgage I'll have less money spare, can I lower the rate of maintenance? Any top tips?
Hi Kwak, and welcome on here.
>Can I shoot her and get away with it??
That's a 2 part question - answer to first part is: not legally.
Answer to second part is: depends....
😆
Seriously though, whatever the legal agreements etc that you have, the problem is always going to be enforcing it if she has taken your daughter legally to another country (and since you gave permission, I can't see it's anything but legal) - it may depend on which country she's in, but I really have no idea of the law in other countries, so the simple answer is that the best solution is to negototiate, as your chances of any meaningful and enfoceable success in the courts is, in my opinion, very low.
As for maintenance, I'd have a word with the CSA - I'm not sure what the position is if your daughter is in another country, but I can't see that another country could enforce their laws on someone who resides in the UK, so I would say that your ex could only approach the CSA to enforce maintenance if she's not happy with the amount being paid. The basic calculation is, for one child, 15% of your income, less allowable expenses - reasonable travel to see your daughter is an allowable expense, but again, I'm not sure of the position if she lives in another country, so I'd ask the CSA. On the assumption that you are overpaying, you could reduce the amount you pay your ex to the CSA level (and if you are going to do this, it may be best to ask the CSA to handle the payments), or you could come to a separate agreement with your ex for a different level of payment - and if it's higher than the CSA level, then you could perhaps use this as a 'bargaining chip' to try to get increased contact with your daughter.
I'm not sure how much help the Children's Legal Centre are able to give with cases outside the UK - but it's worth having a word with them in case I've missed anything (or got it wrong).
Well to be honest,
I'm from the Uk living in Ireland and she's moved to the UK from Ireland. Daughter is Irish. Didn't mention it as it makes life probably more complicated.
Ah, that may make a difference - I'm not sure if the CSA has any reciprocal arrangements in Ireland (I assume you mean Eire, and not Northern Ireland), if not, then what I have said about CSA doesn't apply, unless your employer is based in UK.
Definitely worth speaking to the Children's Legal Centre about the contact - may be able to go for a contact order, but at the very least, you could consider mediation - though I think you'd have to come over here for it.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.