[Solved] Alcoholic Partner

Has your wife been to, or shown any inclination to stop her drinking, or go to Alcoholics anonymous? Also, it may be worth you trying Al Anon - it's for people affected by alcoholics.

My ex was alcoholic - I left the children with her when we divorced as I believed her line that she only drank because of me (I've learned a lot more about alcoholism since then), but 4 years later I took them away from her and went for residency, which I won, plus very limited and supervised contact for my youngest (my older daughter refused to have contact, which the court reluctantly agreed to). The residence order was actually relatively quick and easy - the drawn out (and very expensive) part was sorting out contact as she constantly refused to co-operate. I did have evidence of the conditions they were living in (photographic) plus police statements and a very conclusive Cafcass report, and the children clearly expressed a desire to live with me and not return to her, plus they were settled into new schools and we were having an extension built to give them permanent rooms.

All this means that, in my case, there was no good reason to return the children to their mother. You aren't currently in the same situation, but as you have seen on here, quite often the mother leaves taking the children with and the father has then to try to get access as the resident parent has the advantage. There is nothing at all to say that the father (ie you) can't move out as long as you are caring for your daughter properly. It's worth having a chat with the children's legal centre before you do anything yet as you want to make sure that if you do move out and go for custody, that you don't do anything to affect your chances.

Dear Bigbri,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.

If you are named on your son’s birth certificate or are married to the mother then you and the mother both have Parental Responsibility, and therefore the same right to have your child living with you.
This means that whilst there are no court orders in place, either of you are able to remove the child from the home and establish yourself as the resident parent at any time, so long as the child is being taken to an appropriate place.

It is best where possible to always attempt to agree on who the child lives with, and mediation can be used to help reach an agreement on this. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610.

Should you choose to remove the child from the home, then the mother has the options of contacting the police or applying to court for residence. Generally the police are reluctant to become involved in these matters, as both parents have equal rights, and would normally only become involved to check the child is safe, although they do have the option of returning child to the home that they are used to if they feel it is appropriate, but normally do not.

Either parent is able to apply for a residence order from the court at any time, and if you choose to remove the child it is advisable that you apply for this as soon as possible to prevent a ‘tug of war’ type situation with your son. As both you and the mother have equal parental responsibility the mother is able to remove the child from you, you are able to remove the child from her and this would be a very unsettling and upsetting situation for your child.

A residence order is an order that states with which person a child is to live with until they are 16 years old. It will usually also state the contact that a child is to have with the other parent as well.
You are able to apply to court by representing yourself or instructing a solicitor to act on your behalf, whichever you prefer.

Once the matter goes to court, the court will hear all the circumstances over several hearings and will then make a decision as to where the child should live based on what they believe to be best for the child given all that they are told. You are able to raise your concerns that the mother is an alcoholic and the court can order testing and other such things with regards to this.
The court will make their final decision based on what they believe to be in your child’s best interests.

Unfortunately, we can not really give you the likelihood of you being successful in this application as all cases are judged purely on their own merit. There is no longer any presumption that the mother or the father is the better carer and should have children with them, it is very much what the judge involved in your case feels is best for your child.

We hope this information is useful to you, should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre.