[Solved] Am i mad or not?

Hi there and welcome 🙂

Who exactly has told you that this is obsessional behaviour and that you are in need of a psychiatric review?

In my opinion, I think it is completely natural to want to keep a record/diary to show them that you have always had them in your thoughts.

Have you not thought of trying to re-establish contact with them? as long as there are no underlying reasons for you to be kept apart from them, then it is likely that a court would agree for you to have contact with them again. Initially this could be done indirectly with letters and cards, or through a contact centre where you would be allowed supervised contact. Once a bond has developed, then contact may well resume normally. It would be a slow process but so worth it in the end.

I have to say I that taking and photographing the shoes is different….i can certainly see how it could be thought by some to be obsessive behaviour! Its certainly more like grieving that you mentioned.

However some could say the same about me and so many other fathers out there who are and have been fighting to see their children…..in some cases spending every penny they have or getting in to massive debt to pay for legal advice/solicitors/barristers etc…
in my case I’m over £8.5k down and 2yrs in to my fight….i’ve had periods of contact and then nothing for months at a time over the last 2yrs….
my little boy is in my thoughts every day and night…..my fight has cost me so much more than money….my life has been put on hold for the last 3yrs to just have time with him….i’ve lost a couple of relationships with people I’ve seen over the last 18mths….i’ve put family relationships to the test… and all because of not giving up fighting to see my little boy.

I don’t write a daily diary but I do write a weekly letter/email to my little boy when contact has been broken by the ex again….i’m fairly sure the ex doesn’t read them to him or even mention them to him….i know how she works!!!
I obviously write that I miss him terribly and that I can’t wait to see him soon, but I also ask a lot about what he’s been doing at school, play, looking after the dog etc… general day to day stuff just to show I’m thinking of him and wanting to know what he’s doing.

People deal with these events in different ways…..whats seen by those who’ve not been through what you’re going through will see it as strange…...but those of us who know exactly how you’re feeling understand the pain and loss you feel……it is a lot like the death of a loved one!

If people call it obsessive……ask them this……….What would they do to keep in contact with their child if their child was taken from them?!!! What would they do if they had their child abducted?!!!

I’ve found this site a great help over the last 18mths or so, great information, compassion and somewhere to vent off……but I’ve also realised that sometimes you need to speak face to face with someone....just don’t bottle it all up inside…it’ll send you crazy!
:silly:

Hi There,,
I don't think its mad to want to keep your children in your mind and somehow include them in the things you do.

This sounds like a great way of showing them in the future that they were always in your thoughts and that given the chance they would have been there with you, the email is great too, it allows you to be able to talk to them even when you can't and gives you an avenue to write your emotions down and say things to them that you aren't able too.

I'm sure when the time comes and you are able to make contact again that they will see what you've done and see that you were always thinking of them.

I have often thought of what I would do if the time ever comes that I don't see my son, and I've always thought that I would write him letters and buy him birthday and christmas gifts ect so when the time came and he was old enough not to be influenced by his mother I could show him he was always in my mind.

As fathers we do what we need to to get by, don't let anyone tell you what your doing is wrong, it sounds like a lovely thing to do to show your children you care for them no matter what.

Darren

Hi,

From one father to another, who has not seen his child for some timeand I can tell you that what you are doing is, "so on the money" it's untrue. And I am qualified in the mental health area.

I e mail and make videos of our family celebrating Christmas and his birthdays to show that he was never forgotten and always in our thoughts and it was NOT MY FAULT.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Highest Regards,

Brian

What a lovely idea.
Dont listen to whoever is telling you this.
You will, in the future have your unique record to demonstrate your commitment.
Dont go publicising your record to those who wont understand.
Seperation is a personal experience and we all have different coping mechanisms and your recording of your time apart sounds creative and perfectly rational.
I had my daughters shoes in my hallway, same place as they were left, dusted every week until she came back.
She's back now and the shoes have moved.
I wish you all the best for next year.
Matt