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I have a one year old daughter who lives with her mother. Our relationship was very short and turbulent. I have been seeing my daughter regularly for 7 months (every weekend) and recently my new partner has been helping out with her during the week over the summer as my ex also has a five year old to a different man.
Socail services have been involved as my ex and I sometimes became violent towards each other. This has stopped now though she still does many things in order to incite anger. She has ahad a tough life (having been in and out of carehomes since she was 4) adn she often threatens that she will put out daughter into care if we don't do more. Both me and my partner work and do as much as we can and I pay more than enough maintenance but my ex still demands more.
Whilst we were together we were both taking drugs. I have stopped and have done drug tests to prove so to SS. My ex has not and the past three times I have handed my daughter over it has been evident that my ex has been taking drugs. I know she takes drugs when she is looking after my daughter. Dropping my daughter off is always an issue, she makes us wait hours until she is ready to have her despite having arranged a time. She spends little time with both girls and has said on numerous occasions that she has not bonded with my daughter and that she is going to put her into care.
I feel like I am in a lose - lose situation. If I report her to the authorities, my daughter could end up in care and so could her other daughter. If I continue helping her and answering to her every whim she will continue to take our help for granted. I have no idea where I stand legally and do not have the money to take her to court or know how on earth I would go about it.
Any advice would be really appreciated as this is causing such pain and stress on both me and my partner.
Thank you
...Why don't you take your daughter and have her live with you? If you cant then you still need to take action...I don't think you can leave this situation, if she is on drugs, states she hasn't bonded and keeps threatening to put her into care then this could escalate quite quickly at anytime. Your daughter needs you to take control of this situation. Childrens Services are generally loathe to put children into care, its more likely they will provide extra support for the children within the maternal home.
Are you on the birth certificate? If you are you have Parental Responsibility.
I think its important that you recognize that the children are at risk, just leaving it isn't really an option , but I think in your heart you know that.
The best option for your daughter would be to live with you, it might create extra problems initially but they will only be the same as for any working parent trying to juggle work and parenthood. Childcare can be arranged and the money you were paying in maintenance will go towards childcare costs.
If you do have Parental Responsibility and even if you do not it is time to take action. Start by downloading the FM1 form and offering to go to mediation. Yes there is a cost involved, but it is a fraction of the cost of a solicitor. If that proves unsuccessful than represent yourself in court and demand your ex. takes a hair strand test, as you have concerns about drug use. Of course the SS need to be made aware of this and that your enquiry be logged, dated and timed. Report every instance of her not being ready to take on her responsibility of taking back your child. All sounds petty but when it comes to going to court you will need hard evidence.
Good Luck,
Brian
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