[Solved] Any Known HelpLines?

if you just want someone to talk to have you thought about The Samaritans? http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you

Hi Jasey78 🙂

I am so sorry you are struggling at the moment...8 years is an awfully long time to have been fighting to see your son. Its emotionally crippling and many here will relate to your turmoil....

JayneMax has suggested the Samaritans and if you are feeling low you will find they are good listeners. We are here for you too and if you feel up to sharing your battle for custody we might be able to help you to see some light. There are lots here that have been through what you are going through and have a wealth of experience that they will be more than happy to share with you.

It always helps to talk through problems, we are here to listen and support you...we will never just change the subject! We are interested in you, your feelings and your struggle, and if we can help in any way we will.

Thank you for the replys.

Nannyjane

as much has I would love to share my situation, I'm not to sure because it is very complex, also for privacy reasons I find this forum easily open to the public and I might be recognised.

Thats fine Jasey78 you must do what ever you feel comfortable with 🙂

....There is a facility to private message other members here so if you ever want to talk privately please feel free to PM me or any of the other members here, I know I can speak for us all when I say that. 😉

You will find a link to private messaging on your profile page or at the top right hand side of the home page.

NJ Oh, I didn't notice there is a private messaging facility, Is ok I message you sometime soon? i just need a bit of time to think how to make it brief has possible.

Thanks.

Of course it is Jasey, take as much time as you need.

When I split up from my ex she offered me contact at her house 3 days a week for 4 hours each time. But refused me taking my son out doors simply because so she can be verbal abuse me and she warned me if I responded to her she will then scream and her next door neighbour friend will inform the police. This was very uncomfortable for me I felt trapped!! and I was left with no option but to mention court proceedings. My ex then got legal advice and informed me that if I was to take proceedings I will be put in a contact centre and only get to see your son 2 hours a week, I said that is fine ‘It wouldn’t stay that way’ she then said that her solicitor can totally stop contact if it went to a contact centre. in which I didn’t take seriously at the time. and went ahead with the contact at the contact centre. I attended the centre roughly 6months and just when contact was about to be moved away for better contact my son was referring to me by my first name, and saying to the centre coordinator that he doesn’t want to see that man any more (MEANING ME) then tactically a cafcass report and indirect contact was then requested by the other party the report was solely used for slanderous comments and false allegations also coaching the child to say that I was aggressive to him the contact centre. I was sending indirect contact for a number of years in which the other party was always saying that the child has no interest in the items. my case was then referred to a centre called PRO-CONTACT which is based in Salford. After a few separate interviews with me, my son, and ex partner, the staff came to the conclusion that the child in question is more then likely being negatively influenced by his mother and other family members. After that my ex and her representation used manipulation and was saying that the mother is now promoting contact but the child is refusing it. the ex even phoned me up and put my son on the phone to speak to me. She used the phone calls to wind me up by saying (WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO HIM) my son was then saying to the pro-contact staff that I swore at him down the phone. I ceased the calls because I had concerns about them. the staff then said to me how about you chat with your son on the staff phones with witnesses I said great!!! But the calls never happened because the child was showing lots of negativity on attendance at pro-contact. Also I took a Christmas present to pro-contact for my son and he was being coached to say that he doesn’t celebrate Christmas. And didn’t take the present home. then pro-contact ended their involvement . the report from cafcass on behalf of pro-contact seemed a lot against me and was inaccurate. also my ex said she tried promoting contact via telephone calls and I refused them. Which was nonsense, it was a trap!! my case came to an end in 2011 because cafcass said it will have a detrimental affect on the child if they carry on trying to promote direct contact. so they said ive only got indirect contact for birthdays and Christmas only. I didn’t send any indirect contact because I knew it was a total waste of time. This year I found out that I could put in a fresh application to court which I did, I was in court on march the 12th for direct contact and cafcass said they would support direct contact in 2014 if this year I would send indirect contact for my sons birthday and Christmas I will comply but I know more games will be played next year and I am dreading it.

Hi Jasey 🙂

Thanks for sharing your story, you really have been throught it! I think you are showing real strength of character by trying for contact after the last time. Do you have a solicitor?

As CAFCASS are supporting contact in 2014 if you comply with indirect contact in the meantime, why dont you share your fears with them and ask them if they would be willing to sit in on any telephone contact with your son and pass on the gifts personally to him... I know they can involve themselves in this way and it would make it very difficult for the mother to manipulate the situation if they were involved. Talk to them about it and your concerns that your son will be negatively influenced again. If they monitor the situation more closely this time it would make it hard for the mother to interfere.

You've been through this before so you are in a better position this time to avoid the pitfalls....you know what she is capable of, so just dont give her any opportunity to mess it up for you again.

Theres a name for what the mother has been doing, its called Parental Alientation. There are many Dads out there that have been through the same thing and there are Dads on here that will relate to what has happened to you....hopefully they will come forward and share their experiences with you....It can be very hard for men to talk about things so you've taken a very big step today by talking about what has happened to you....well done Jasey! One step at a time and before you know it the steps you take will walk you out of the darkness and back into the light. 🙂

No NJ no solicitor! she closed the case in march, so next year i will need a fresh application. and i will be self repping maybe with a mckenzie friend. so how would i go about getting cafcass to support me with indirect contact? do i phone the court? because cafcass was at the court that a spoke to last month. oh yeah I know about parental alienation i have done lots of research it is a very affective tool to use because it is not recognised in uk courts. I know I'm showing real strength of character but i feel my hope is running out because ive not seen my lad since he was 2and a half and he is 9 this year. things could be too late damage allready done. and i feel my strength is running out.

Thanks for your time NJ.

I see, sorry I got the impression that the court case was ongoing. CAFCASS are a court advisory service so if the case is closed then I dont think they will get involved. However, as they have recommended indirect contact this year and direct contact next year, it wouldn't hurt to call them and ask them if there is any way they could facilitate the contact, or can refer you on to anyone that can support you with the indirect contact. The court helpdesk could give you a contact number for CAFCASS, even better if you can remember the name of the CAFCASS officer that you dealt with at court.

Parental Alienation Syndrome isnt recognized but Parental Alienation is now getting some recognition here and there are counsellors and solicitors that specialize in it. One such lady is Karen Woodall...Have a look at her blog, it might inspire you and give you a bit more hope!

www.karenwoodall.wordpress.com

You could try dropping Karen a line or two and ask her for some advice on how best to deal with your situation.

NJ I am seriously considering throwing in the towel, everything just seems a total waste of time like the present indirect contact and next year putting in a fresh application a waste of time and money this PA is Not easy to defeat!! it has beat me for a number of years so far and a cant see it changing.

Hi, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you have really been through the mill and tried your best to keep contact going. Sorry for intruding but why only indirect this year then contact next year, what reason did they give for this, as I cant see getting in touch twice this year and then next year magically it will be ok to have contact. Did cafcass sit with your son and ask him on his own what he wanted, how old is your son now and does he live close by. Also have you got parental responsibility.

No problem ak57.

indirect this year because i didn't comply with the indirect contact from 2011 on till 2013 which was put in place in 2011. when i was in court in march cafcass said there is no point in chatting with my son this time around but better in 2014 when the 2013 indirect contact has finished and then they will support direct contact. i feel I'm just being given the run around this order has been continues since my ex's solicitor purposely put it in place in 2006 and done this to play games. my ex must be in her element!! My boy will be10 this year.

Why did they only let you have indirect contact in the first place , seems very harsh

because my ex's solicitor requested indirect contact with a cafcass report in 2006 which ive now learnt should have been challenged by my representation but wasnt.

sometimes being represented does not always work and in your case it hasnt .Have you thought about trying your local mp , they sometimes have more clout and this has been going on such a long time. When was the last time you saw your son

My MP cannot assist me he said its a family law issue. i last saw my lad in 06.

you know when you went to court in March this year , did the judge say anything

he agreed with cafcass recommendations that i should withdraw my direct contact application and comply with the indirect contact ontill 2014 then submit a fresh application.

So sorry this is so hard for you, I don’t know what else you can do, but comply with what they have said. As your son gets older he will start to ask questions and who knows maybe one day get in touch with you, keep all the documents so you can prove to him you tried your best. My Dad disappeared when I was 10 my Mum decided as my Dad was a drunk we were better off without him, how wrong she was there wasn’t a day go by without me missing him, time went on but when I was in my late thirty I decided to find him I traced him and we had ten years together as Dad and Daughter he had stopped drinking much to my relief. I don’t feel bitter about what my Mum did as this would only drag the pain on she did what she thought best, but it wasn’t the best for me. I asked him why he gave up he said he thought it was better for us to get on with our lives and he knew if he took it to court he would fail and be offered very little due to his drinking he knew he was an alcoholic.
Are you allowed to contact the school to get school reports and updates

I have PR i do have contact with school and doctors.

Jasey78

if you feel you're getting knowehere fast and without proper legal advice you're going to struggle you could try contacting CORAM clc the childrens legal centre....they have experts in family law who may be able to give you legal advice.
link: http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/

Or if the moderators allow me to say this.......how about contacting Fathers4Justice? I think for £20/yr you can join their forum and access their site information...there are lots of sites out their with good legal advice
i'm not a member myself but if my case had gone on any longer this year joining their site was going to be my next option.....only because of what i've been reading about dads not getting access to their kids for as long as yourself.
most of the dads on here seem to have either just started out in the battle with the ex's to see our kids or have been fighting a few years. my fight has been going on since 2010 with sporadic contact.

there is hope mate....we fathers are starting to win through in many cases but its not enough........i have found this site in the last 2yrs a great help both emotionally and with the wealth or advice and help from the members......they have all stories to tell and advice to give based on their experiences.
if you need somewhere to vent or just talk things through its a great site for all matters.

Chin up mate....your kid does need you despite your ex saying he doesnt! never give up...never surrender

dad-i-d Cheers for the encouraging words

Your A Good UN Mate !