[Solved] Argument tonight !

Hi Martin,

So is your ex saying the 11 year old isn't aloud to come and stay, with you?

or is it just a holiday the 11 year isn't able to go on holiday with you?

I would say that from what's been said already and that although things seemed pretty straight forward at the start and that your ex seemed ready to agree to reasonable terms, as they have now started to get more difficult, So I would suggest that you try and arrange mediation to try and resolve these things before every little thing become a a massive argument.

Mediation would hopefully help, as the mediator would help to keep discussions on track and would hopefully point out if either of you were being unreasonable.

Hope this helps.

Darren

She has and still is allowing him with his sister to come to stay with me in the family home (wife has moved out).

She is stating that I cannot take him no further than an hour away and she stated that legally I cannot take him away on holiday ?

Hi Martin,

I agree with most of the other Dads; you need to get an agreement in writing. Mediation will be a huge benefit to both of you. The longer you leave it, the more likely it is that you'll end up communicating through solicitors. I think you both need some help to define contact. Mediation can be a hugely positive experience.

I think it's unfair that your ex is dictating terms. Does the biological father of the eldest child see much of his son? Do they have a strong relationship?

FM '70

He hasn't had contact from his biological dad now for at least 9 years. As far as my son is concerned he has always called me dad and we have a good strong relationship, I love him no different to my daughter.

How do you arrange mediation ?? Excuse my ignorance !

Can't find the post about the mediation service link, but googling should do it.

If you do end up in court, I would look at applying for PR for your son - your ex will argue against it, but with a relationship such as you've had, and especially in the absence of contact with his biological father, I would say that you would have a good chance of getting it, along with a contact order.

How much does Mediation roughly cost ??

Hi Martin,

Mediation cost's vary from town to town and even between different firms, I have paid £90 for a 1.5 hr appointment and I have paid £150 for a 1 hr appointment (the cheaper of the 2 was actually the better 😮 )

as actd has said google mediation services and see what comes up.

Though finding a mediator may be the easy part!! if your ex doesn't want to attend it won't get you anywhere, but again as actd mentioned it will go in your favour that you tried to arrange mediation before going through the court proccess.

Darren

Hi Martin,

I see the costs of mediation have already been covered, but I just wanted to add to what ACTD has said. Given that you are the only real father your 11 year old son has known, I think you have a strong case to apply for PR. Essentially your son has grown up knowing you as his father. So whilst you're not his bioligical Dad, I think you're in a really good position to argue that you're his emotional and physcological father. Your son is also of an age were he can be consulted as to what he wants, so his opinion will matter to the court.

I think you have to try mediation first. If your ex declines, you can look to bring the issue of contact and PR to the courts. You don't want to threaten her with court action, but you need to make her aware that you are taking advice and that if she continues to be unreasonable you will have no other choice. Stress that you want to resolve everything as amicably as possible. She may prove to be more receptive when she realises you're serious.

If your ex became ill or was involved in an accident who would she expect to look after the kids? In the event that she was - god forbid - to drop down dead tomorrow, who would she want the kids to be with?

She can't have it both ways. You're his dad. It really is that simple.

FM '70

Thinking about what FM has said above, I wonder whether mediation is necessarily a good idea - PR can't be sorted out by mediation, only a court can do that, so you actually have a very valid reason for not going to mediation at all, in which case you could go straight down the court route, and represent yourself if necessary. I'll ask CCLC to comment on this, so keep checking back.

ACTD is correct and that is something for you to weigh up.

You'll have to go to court at some point in your quest for PR, but it may be a smoother experience for all concerned if your ex supported your application. That's why I think you could use mediation to discuss the issue of PR and perhaps persuade your ex that this is a positive step. It would also be an opportunity to let her know that the court would want to know what your eldest child wants and his voice would carry a lot of weight as they look to make a decision.

If she declines mediation, you would obviously have no choice other than to make an application to the court.

Hi Martin9,

As FM and ACTD are saying you need to get the ball rolling with a C100 now. It is an expectation of the Courts for Mediation to happen anyway. If this is not financially feasible for either or both parties the Courts will progress this through themselves.

If you are looking to apply for PR for "your" 11 year old then you can file a C1 alongside your C100 form. This will cost anything from £0 up to £200 for both. PR will be dealt with firstly.

Sorry for the delay as I've been away on business.

I'm meeting the wife tomorrow, so I'll have a chat with her then.

The children are staying with me this weekend, so maybe I'll have a chat with the boy and see what he wants ?? The mother has already told him that I do not have PR for him.

Hi Martin,

Well, at the end of the day. If his biological Dad isn't in the picture. It may be in his interests if you did have PR for him. That is something i would definitely keep in mind 🙂

Good luck tomorrow