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I agree with the above. 50:50 is possible. I got it and my ex did everything she could to cut me out completely (although that may have helped me because after fact-findings etc I was in a position to be the resident parent because she acted so badly).
Definitely, try to stay amicable, it is so much easier that way and better for the children. Even if you are 100% correct and child focused it could take years to go via the courts and you ex could take your children in that time. The courts, in my experience, are fair and good... but waiting 6 months for a court date and needing 4 sittings is a disaster.
A quick note about your comment: "and then claim maintenance from me, based on the time schedule she wants to impose on me":
Yep this is correct. CMS do not care one tiny bit WHY the child is where there are. You pay. My child was essentially kidnapped and I had no idea where they were. Mother immediately put an application into CMS because she, by virtue of her wrongfully taking our child, had 100% care. I had to pay and it was a significant amount. Sorry for the bad news. On a plus side, now I have 50:50 CMS are out of our lives (they can be overly aggressive). We can both provide financially well for our child so finances was never a motivator but it is good to have ties a controlling ex's severed (although that took a battle with CMS... some great information on here on how to do that BTW).
If you do agree a lesser amount of time now with more time for the future planned later, make sure the steps and reason for those steps (benefits to the child) are agreed in writing by ex. Have regular steps moving up in that direction. I have heard the courts sometimes like to keep the status quo, so don't get tricked there.
Finally: Mediation is a better alternative to solicitors and court.
Good luck fingers crossed
In Practice Direction 12J it is stated that FHDR shall take place no longer than 6 weeks from a child arrangement application being filed.*rolling my eyes* That must have been the timetable in the 90s.
Filing applications is easy, however the further the application progress through the process, the lies and exaggerations are unsurfaced and exposed. When you get in front of a judge to determine facts, the court process becomes incredible technical. It’s about who the judge believes the most but whether there is a factual basis for the allegations, are the concerns valid, do they meet the threshold and are they one offs or systematic.
The overarching objective for the court is for child arrangements to move forward for the benefit of the children. They can’t change the future, know that parents might hate each other’s guts but the judges aren’t interested in point scoring.
Stepped arrangements are recommended for those with children who haven’t started school. Just make sure that the contact is stated in the order, in a matter that’s precise and robust. You do NOT want to go through a 9 month court process only to have to do it all over again because the child arrangement order is vague or relies on collaboration between the parents.
The judge in my case said that childcare is not of relevance and that children are allowed to spend time with extended family! I would maybe consider if this is too much? Maybe a 60/40 agreement? Where you have him/her 3 nights a week?
even with 50/50, child benefit etc can be really difficult to tackle, mum can just turn around and say your not sticking to the order and don’t have them 50/50 and they normally believe it 🙄
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