[Solved] awkward ex

Hi Sharky29,
Its great that you are doing all you can to see your son.
You don't say how old your son is but personally I think disruptive or challenging behaviour would be a natural part of your son working through his thoughts/feelings/emotions around having to be away from one of his parents regularly. Children aren't always able to express themselves verbally and need to express things through their behaviour instead. Also, at some ages children can generally have times of not behaving how adults wish them to.

I wonder whether your ex has explained to you why she objects to your son returning to your home. Clearly the hotel helped as a compromise so you could continue meeting your son.
Are you asking for advice about your choices if your ex says contact with you is becoming a problem, or maybe even wants to reduce or stop contacts?
Do you currently have anything legal in place regarding contact with your son?

I have asked our legal experts to see what advice they can give you. They will post a reply to this thread - it usually takes a couple of days but I wonder if the weather could cause a delay. Please check back now and then to see what advice they have been able to give.

my son is 5, and yes the hotel was a compromise but it was costing around 800 -900 a month which i was able to do as my partener and i have fairly well paid jobs. but as you can understand it cant go on that way for ever.

i was needing general advice on choices regarding access and yes she is trying to stop and reduce it. and even any advice or ideas of how to get round this situation.

his behaviour isnt always perefct but what 5 year olds are. his mother is saying it only when he visits me that he is ever badly behaved

Hi Sharky29,
Thanks for the info. I agree that 5 year olds are great but can definitely test the skills of whoever is looking after them.

Maybe while you are waiting for the relply from our legal experts you might find some of the general advice you want can be found in the advice the legal experts have given other Dad Talk members in the Legal Eagle section. I believe you will get insights by reading some of those threads. If you find a particular post interesting it could give you the opportunity to add to their thread.

hi shaky,

his mother is saying it only when he visits me that he is ever badly behaved

I really can't belive that the only time your five year old son is 'naughty' is after the weekend!!!
Have you managed to read any other threads on the site? It makes good sense... I've found discussions here very helpful.
/regards Orange

yes i agree, to be honest i think that she makes it up, but i cant prove it,

yes have read some intresting ones on here which have been a help just wish there was a solution. as we all do

Dear Sharky29,

As a general rule, when you have contact with your child it is for you to decide where you take him and who he sees (so long as it is within the UK), and the mother can not prevent this.

However, at present there does not appear to be a contact order in place from what you have said, and so this does make things a bit more difficult.

It is the child’s right to have contact with both parents, and as your child is living with the mother then she is able to control this right until your child is old enough to decide for himself (absolutely at 16, although he may be considered mature enough a little younger than this).

This means that, if you do not comply with what the mother wants during contact she would be able to stop or restrict the contact that you have with your son.

It is clearly quite unreasonable for you to be expected to pay for hotels every time that you want contact and this is not something the courts would usually enforce were you to apply for an order.

The options that you have at present are firstly to attempt to negotiate with the mother and suggest mediation. If the matter can not be resolved in this way then the next option that you have is to apply to court for a contact order.

A contact order is a legally binding court order that states the days and times that you are to see your child. The mother is expected to comply with this and can not place any restrictions on the contact that are not within the order.
The court do not like to restrict what the child does when they are with one parent unless there is very good reason to do so, and so it would be for you to decide what to do with your son and where to take him during your ordered times.

To apply for a contact order you can apply yourself, or use a solicitor to do this on your behalf.
The forms you would require to apply for an order yourself are the C100, CB1 and CB3 which are available from www.hmcs.gov.uk . There is a filing fee of £175 when you make this application and further information on acting as a ‘Litigant in Person’ on websites such as www.fnf.org.uk and www.elc.org.uk .

We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

sharky,

I'm in pretty much the same situation. My ex just moved from manchester to Grimsby with my daughter. she didn't tell me for one, i found out afterwards. i've not seen my daughter for weeks as i simply cannot afford the train fare.

We've literally just agreed that My Daughter can, at first, come back to manchester for 3-4 nights a month until she's used to it which i think is a fair compromise as i don't want mollie to be disturbed by too much too soon, Ideally, as we were going on before the move i would still have my daughter every weekend but unfortunately fundage and distance are a factor, I am still trying to get the ball rolling with a court order but she's adament that she's not stopping me seeing my child.

NOW, she's just told me that she has changed the plan so i must stay there one night then SHE will decide if Mollie's happy or not. [censored]? honestly dude, you're not alone on this one.

she also tells me that Mollie's misbehaved when she's been with me and also, that mollie's "happy and settled" in her new place yet she won't let me talk to her on the phone and claims she doesn't want to talk to me.

Anyway, i'm raning, sorry, my point is, they know that we can never prove them wrong as we're not there to see it. friends, family etc will always be on their side. it sucks, big time!!!

Our exes that pull this kind of stuff should be grateful that we're going out of our way to see our children and not make it hard for us unlike some people who just split and don't see their kids at all and don't even bother. I know a few like that... well... KNEW!