[Solved] Being prevented access, whats the answer?

Hi Watson and welcome 🙂

I'm sorry but I dont actually think that you have Parental Responsibility (PR) for your daughter because she was born before December 2003 and you werent married at the time of birth. After 2003 just being on the birth certificate is enough to have PR, married or not. If you are in Scotland though because you got married after she was born you would have PR. Heres a link -

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility

Dont worry about it too much though as you can apply for it whether the mother agrees or not. If you wanted to go for a defined Contact Order you could apply for both at the same time. Having PR doesnt give you rights over contact anyway, it just means that the mother should consult you over things like medical treatment or education and should also keep you informed of the progress of the child...

The amount of contact you are asking for is not excessive, the average contact awarded is a full weekend every fortnight and one day in the week, plus shared holidays, birthdays and christmases.

It seems to me that you are probably going to have to settle this in court as its been five months and the mother is refusing you all but half the holidays...thats just not enough! Before applying to the court though you would both be expected to have attempted Mediation. If this isnt tried the judge is likely to defer and order you both to attend Mediation anyway.

The first step then would be to try Mediation, you would make an inititial appointment at a Mediation Centre and go and discuss what has been happening and what you hope to achieve. The Mediator would then write to your ex and invite her to attend, if she accepts an appointment would be made for her and she would be given the opportunity to talk things through and outline her issues. After that the Mediator would then make an appointment where both of you would attend and with their help and guidance talk things through and hopefully reach an agreement. If she refuses to attend or you cannot resolve your differences then the Mediator would issue you with a form FM1. This you would then submit to the court with the form C100 to apply for contact. It would be advisable to choose a Mediation Centre close to where your ex lives as she may use this as an excuse not to attend. heres a link to the National Family Mediation website -

www.nfm.org.uk

You would also need to submit a form C1 to apply for PR, but as i said before you can do this at the same time that you apply for a Contact Order.

There are many Dads on here that have self represented and there are a couple of stickys with lots of information about this at the top of the Legal Eagle section. There is also a sticky about the Contact Order C100 form. to apply yourself it will cost you £200 to submit both forms but you can if you feel it necassary use the services of a solicitor.

Hi and thanks for the reply,

I do live in Scotland so like you mention do have PR as I was married in 2005. My ex is under the impression I dont have PR but I do fit into the criteria set so that excellent news from my point of view.

I hope to try and sit down with my daughter and her mother and talk over the situation which will give my daughter an opportunity to input also but am unsure if this will be helpful?

My daughter is scared about saying how she feels as her mum looses her temper and has slapped her when she has spoken to me about such topics. Its a worrying situation and I dont feel anyone should feel like that in there own home.My daughter has said for the last 12-18 months she has wanted to come and live with me but said she cant say to her mum for the reasons mentioned but would say how she feels if I was there aswell,hence the meeting Iam thinking of arranging.

Does anyone have a rough idea on time scale and cost estimate for appling for contact order just out of curiosity?

Thanks for your help.

Hi Watson 🙂

Well thats good news!

Both Relate and National Family Mediation offer child inclusive sessions. It must be a worry for you that your daughter is scared and I agree she shouldn't be made to feel like that... Sometimes a child will tell each parent what they think they want to hear, I'm not saying this is the case with your daughter, just something you might take on board.

Its very difficult to give any kind of accurate guesstimate about timescales...probably from submitting the C100 to the first hearing could be anything from 4 -8 weeks depending on the court backlog. As far as cost is concerned it would be £200 to submit the C100 form to the court if self representing, solicitors are a different matter! The costs will be in the thousands, how many depends on the calibre of solicitor and complexity of the case I suppose, but roughly speaking maybe £5000+. At my sons first case, his Legal Aid hadn't come through before the first hearing so I had to pay for the solicitor to attend and that cost me £500.

Hi Nannyjane, It had also crossed my mind re a child telling each parent what they wanted to hear. I have tried to talk to my daughter and make it clear that her happiness is the important thing and if she is happy at her mums then Im happy and that's my honest feeling and why I think it maybe a better solution to have a meeting with us all in attendance.

The only think Im not 100% on is how beneficial self representing in court would be. Although I can think of no reason my request would be turned down I would prefer to come to an agreement so have an element of flexibility, but would accept just an agreement at the moment.

Thanks again.

Hi Watson,

I think your idea of having a flexible agreement is a much better way of managing the situation, and I also agree about the fact you duaghter tells you and her mum what she wants to hear as this is the case of probably most children, they want to keep everyone happy (though really this should be the other way around)

If you end up in court representing your self is the best option, I have a 2 family law solicitors as customers and they both advise not to take a solicitor to court as you are better off talking for yourself and allowing the judge to see your emotions. They both advise from a distance as and when needed.

Good luck and if we can help with any advice just ask.

GTTS

New development, I have managed to agree contact 1 weekend p/m and half the holidays which is good news...however still cannot reach an agreement on sharing travel. At the moment my Daughter lives 150 miles away which is approx a 6 hr rtn journey via car and on weekend visits will mean we will arrive home around 7pm on the fri and have to leave at 5pm on the sunday getting me back around 10.30pm. It seems a lot of boring car time that my daughter doesnt really enjoy. My ex moved approx 8 hours away a year ago with the promis of shared travel arrangements then after agreeing decided she was not able therfore I had to cover all costs of flights and time to ensure I maintained contact even though I didnt carryout the move. Now a year on the same is happening and I dont believe its fair.

This is one issue that I would like sorted in a court order , the other is that over the years I have had so many days/weekends and weeks cancelled and my ex has went back on all the promises of shared contact that I dont want it to continue so think by taking a legal route will have an enforcable order preventing such actions and coming to an agrement of travel sharing.

So Im basically looking for any input from your guys and gals about the best course of action re my issues.

Thanks in advance. 🙂

Hi Watson, really nice to hear you have managed to agree on some contact. Do you pay through the Csa as I know that an amount of the travel can be off set against what you pay in maintenance. Can your ex meet you half way , have you asked your ex to reduce maintenance to help with costs .

Hi there, I do pay through the csa however due to having my daughter over 52 nights already receive a reduction so there can be no deduction for travel, plus money isnt the problem. The issue is having to drive 6 hours solid fri then 6 hours solid sun and the fact that during that time there isnt really great opertunity for interaction between us. The train is my prefferd option as with my ex bringing my daughter half way. The reason for this is if I was to travel the whole journey to collect my daughter we would have to wait an hour before the next train arrives to take us home so a 6 hour train journey becomes 7 now. Another option would be for my ex to put my daughter on the train to travel to where the train terminates where i would meet her before we both got a train 1hr 30mins home and same on return journey but amy unsure at what age this is suitable. My daughters 11 years old.

Hi I can see you have researched all options. . My son is 15 and only just doing the 2 hour train journey straight through on his own, the reason I wasn't comfortable with it before was if anything went wrong with the trains as they do , he wouldn't know how to get out of the situation, for example getting another train, changing platforms. Have you looked at coaches ?
I agree its a long way and very tiring as my other son does a 4 hour round trip to collect his daughter. Have you looked into staying in a bed and breakfast and just spending the weekend away and not going to your home ..

I dont feel happy with my daughter doing the journey right now even though she is quite used to travelling via bus to school and flew over for all her holidays previously and loved it but maybe when she is 12 or 13 if she was happy. The train is direct and terminates at the station id be at so she wouldnt have to decide on the stop to get off at, also the stations the train stops at before reaching its destination ave very smal rural stations and dont pass through cities etc.
Not too kean on buses and b and bs arnt an option as she always wants to see her gran and grandpas and aunt etc.