[Solved] Best Way Forward

If you cannot sit down and talk with your partner you could try writing a letter to her to explain how you’re feeling and maybe get her to see things from your perspective?

If you cannot talk face to face try through a third party or mediator? Relate UK or similar.

If you cannot get her to talk with you and you needed to go to court for contact orders you would have to show you’ve tried to resolve things between yourselves through mediation first.

Whatever you decide you need to consider the impact on your child and what will be in their best interests.

Some parents tend to forget about the effects to their children when they start down the separation routes and the hurt and pain of losing someone starts flowing. There are a few guides out there on putting the children first during separations, I’ve not got the links but a quick search on the web will give you some ideas.

HI there,

Thanks for your reply.

I have tried all means of one to one communication from chats to letters to email. The last talk we had was me asking what she needed from me to help her build a life apart and how I could fit in around whatever she wanted.

All I asked in return was an end to coming in after 12am, an end to nights away and a fair contribution to finances - all so we could focus on the needs of our daughter and at least end it with a solid understanding and a united front.

The very next night she was out until 4am (weekday) and when she got her wages, offered to give me some, but nowhere near what she owes (or what she was paid).

It is literally one lie after another after another. Every time I think I have broken through, it is undone within 1 week at most. I have now told her I have no choice but to move out as soon as possible - and the only thing that will prevent that is to show me where her money is going and what she is doing all those nights.

I know for a fact she'll watch me walk before she tells the truth. Even though I have said that a) If she has a problem, I will help. b) If she's found someone else I will work with her, c) If it's anything else, it can't be worse than splitting when she has no money, I have no money because I've been paying all the bills for the last 2 months, and our daughter will have 2 separate parents parenting in 2 separate ways.

I think mediation may be the answer in the first instance for certain.

Any other thoughts and advice would be appreciated though.

Hi there 🙂

Dad-i-d has given some good advice. I completely agree that you daughter is the one that will be most affected by your separation...her young life is about to be turned upside down... she will need lots of reassurance.

Your partners night time activities are going to be seriously curtailed once you have left and it would be better that you both talk about this....I understand that you'd rather not deal directly with her but that not realistic at the moment as there is much to discuss....thats where Mediation can really help. Heres a couple of links, to the Medaiation Service and as Dad-i-d suggested, Relate who have lots of experience helping families that are going through separation.

www.nfm.org.uk

www.relate.org.uk

Best of luck with it all 🙂

Just a thought of your comment that you may have to move out……..Why??

If its her being an unreasonable partner then why should you move out? If you were being like her do you think she’d move out??? NO she’d KICK you out!!!

Try mediation first but if she’s unwilling then tell her you want her to move out!

i had a friend who got kicked out after his wife found out he had been “playing away from home” he came home to find all his stuff on the front lawn!
He’d cheated on his wife in the past and she’d took him back…but this time he’d been seeing a friend of theirs – not that should make it any worse.

Hi There,

As said I would work towards trying to resolve the issues before moving out.

With regards to not moving out think about what the effects there would be on your child before refusing to move, if you stay and force your partner out she will possibly take your child and you will be seen to be the bad guy for forcing your ex and child out on the street, though if you move you give her the home and leave yourself without and still have to fight the battle of seeing your child.

There is no easy answer to this as you will lose out either way, all I can say is to be prepared and keep a very detailed log of everything that happens, so the nights away, late nights lack of care for your child, keep this log factual with no oppinions as this will make it more creditable if you end up in court.

Keep any text, emails with both yours and her messages so it can be read properly.

GTTS