[Solved] can i take my child?

Hi Thomas,

The short answer is no. Don't do anything that will jeapordise your case. By removing your child without a court order you would be potentially looking at criminal charges.

You're absolutely right to feel worried, but you need to play this by the book. If you don't have a solicitor call the Children's Legal Centre (CLC) for some free legal advice. There's a link at the top of the page.

Please speak to the CLC before doing anything. Ask them about whether you should be approaching social services or whether you can apply for an interim residence order (chances are slim without conclusive proof that your child is at risk).

I believe that you can ask for a police check on your ex's new partner, but I'm unsure whether it would reveal any prior drug offences. He could have a long list of burgalry convictions, which would be consistent with a heroin addicts behaviour. However I'm not sure whether the police would inform you of the details of an offence other than those that were violent or sexual in nature.

Hopefully one of the other Dad's will post some further advice!

Hi
The first question I would ask is that when you say 'with' do you mean she is seeing someone, or that he's living there?
Second, I would totally agree with FM's advice that you get legal advice before you do anything - if you don't you could be in a world of trouble.
In answer to your question, though, yes, I have done it. I had spoken to my children to see if they wanted to live with me, which they did without hesitation. My plan was to try to negotiate with their mother to see if she would agree to it, and how we would achieve that. However, before that happened, a situation arose which gave me immediate concern for my daughter's safety - as a result of which, I took immediate advice (a family member is a solicitor - not family law, but knowledgeable enough, and one step removed from the situation, enough to be objective) and immediately contacted social services (this was 10pm) and when they said they couldn't do anything there, I then contacted the police and asked them to go round, and that I'd jump in the car and head straight on up (3 hour drive) - spoke to my daughter and told her that the police were on their way, and under no circumstances was she to let them leave her (and my other daughter) there until I got there. The police went round, saw the situation they were living in, and persuaded my ex to let them take the children with them, and I collected them from the police station at about 2am.
My ex was, to say the least, furious about it - threatened all sorts of action, but fortunately I had photographic evidence (which I had taken previously, having been invited into the house by my children when the ex was out - it was very important that my children had invited me in, and that I hadn't just walked in uninvited) plus the police reports.
If I hadn’t had the police round, and I’d just taken my kids away, I don’t believe I would have kept my kids.
To re-iterate, don’t just go and take them – you will almost certainly be forced to hand them back and they’ll be in a much worse situation. Get legal advice and get the authorities involved – if you can get the police there while the boyfriend is round, and get them to remove your daughter (if you can be waiting outside, all the better), you’ll be onto a very good chance to keeping her.

yes, he's living with her but she'll say he's not of course, i know she would have to go to court to get her back and maybe she would realise the danger she is putting our daughter in, she's only been with him 3 weeks!

This is one of the areas where you need legal advice - it's quite possible that all she may need to do is to tell the police that you've abducted her, and the police will come around and take her back, and once they've done that, you would have a much, much harder job persuading the court to give you a residence order.

i think she has to have a residence order to do that and she hasn't got one, i just need to think this through properly, thanks guys

The problem is that your daughter has been living there, and if your ex calls the police and makes the allegation, she can use that in court, and that makes your case so much harder.

As FM and I said above though, your best first step is to give the Childrens Legal Centre a call and talk it through with them.

Keep posting on here though - we're not trying to discourage you, but we want you to have the best chance of success as possible. 🙂

Just had a quick look back - you have said there is a contact order in place. Your ex could very well argue that, at least, it would be reasonable to assume that residence is with her even if there is no residence order as such, and if she produces the contact order to the police, I think they would almost certainly side with her if she said you had abducted your daughter.

Basically, you have to make sure that you are whiter than white if you are going to go to court for residence.

ACTD is right. The police will view your ex as the resident parent, because she can prove that your child lives with her. Child benefit will be paid to your ex, your child will be registered at the doctors at her address, etc. She has residence until a court order says otherwise...

... if you taker her without the support of the police or social services, you'll be opening yourself up to all kinds of problems that will only make it easier for your ex to justify denying you contact with your child. Do exactly as the CLC or your solicitor advise!

Thomas I know this must be doing your head in, but you have to endure it for the time being. If you act recklessly now you're playing straight into your ex's hands and you'll be right back at square one!

Just realised that you mentioned that you were having a court review this Tuesday just gone. How did that go?

well, she turned up with her heroin addict boyfriend, she then disagreed with everything i wanted as apparently i'm not capable of looking after my own daughter, usual rubbish, then she told them she wanted me drug tested! the judge was fairly stern with her and implied that she was being awkward but she did order the drugs test,there was no mention of drugs at the first hearing? and to address her lies about me not being able to look after her a cafcass officer will observe for 30 minutes on one of my visits with my daughter and write a brief report, i think this is so she can't use that excuse again. so at the moment i still have her for 3 hours fortnightly but am allowed to take her where i want, handover at contact centre still, then back to court in november for test results. i only found out the day after court who she was living with otherwise i wouldn't have agreed to a drug test and asked for her to be tested, can i ask for her to be assessed mentally for allowing someone like that into my daughters life? there is a chance i will fail this test as i have used drugs recreationally in the past some weekends obviously nothing as bad as heroin, so thats where i'm at, i know the judge is on my side as she wouldn't have let me out with her with no restrictions.

Hi Thomas,

Well done on what appears to be quiet a positive review. You can now take your daughter out, which is a bit of a victory really. You can build on that and I suspect the level of contact may increase after your next court date.

I have a few of questions for you. Firstly, do you have a solicitor or are you representing yourself? When do you have to take the blood test? What was it you took and approximately how long ago was it (you can PM me that information if you want)?

What I would suggest is that you stop the partying until after the blood test and live like a monk until the review. We've all been young and we've all done things to excess, but you need to put your case first for the foreseeable future.

Let CAFCASS see how good you are with your daughter. As you say I think the judge has conceeded to your ex's request to ensure that it's something that she can't try to do again. As regards your ex and her lifestyle, if you feel that she is putting your child is at risk you can apply for residency. If that's what you feel is the best thing to do then, as ACTD and I recommended earlier, you need to take legal advice on what to do next.

Your ex is welcome to see whoever she wants, but if you have severe doubts about her partner then you need to raise these. You mentioned that he is not allowed to be around his own kids, can you prove this or get a witness statement off the mother of his child? You can't go mudslinging without proof to back yourself up. You need to compile evidence. Speak to your solicitor or the CLC about how to obtain a police check on your ex's new partner and ask about how best to approach social services about your concerns. You've mentioned previously that you were disappointed by CAFCASS in your experiences with them so far, so speak to your solicitor or the CLC about the best way to draw the CAFCASS officer's attention to your concerns.

Be warned though, if you decide to take this course of action and apply for residency I can guarantee that matters between you and your ex will become a hundred times worse. Expect to have many false accusations levied against you, etc...

I agree totally with FM's comments about living like a monk. If you look at my avatar, you will notice me driving a motorcycle without a helmet - there was a lot of activity around the time of my court case about whether this was legal or not, and I was one of those who was testing the law. This was totally unrelated to my case for residence, but my barrister advised me not to wear a helmet as I had to be seen by the family court as a responsible father - that's how sensitive it can get.

How recent is your use of drugs? As far as I know, the tests may be blood tests, but also possibly hair tests as I think this can show drug usage in the past. If so, something simple like having a hair cut may help, but whatever you do, don't try to avoid the test - get it done and then do some quick research to interpret the results - and if it's not clean, come clean to the court in your statement - they prefer honesty rather than trying to avoid the tests.

the cafcass report that was ordered was very good, i haven't had the drug test as my legal aid has been stopped, i am only just over the financial limit. i've been told it could cost maybe a thousand pounds! does anyone know how much? it was to be done in the solicitors office and would be a hair strand test, i have absolutely no doubt that i would pass as i haven't had any sort of drug for nearly 4 months. my problem now is i will have to not only represent myself in court on 10th jan but i haven't had the drug test that was ordered, i only found out about the legal aid situation yesterday, 3rd of jan, i submitted my paperwork 6 weeks ago. does anyone know what might happen in this situation?