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Hi new to the forum and a first time post,
My partner and I seperated in Feb 2010. I put in place a parenting agreement which on the whole has been stuck to since then. I also set out a payment agreement which was stuck to for the first couple of months until she felt she could get more from the CSA and I have paid via them ever since (she got less through the CSA). A particularly difficult time of year for us is christmas as our daughter was born on boxing day. For the last two yearswe have split the days with one parent having xmas day and the other boxing day with a rotation of days the following year. This year my ex wanted to change this so we both got to see our daughter on both days so switching at 2pm because she said she was upset at not seeing her on her birthday. I initially agreed to this change providing the days followed the same rotation pattern they have done and this is what i thought was agreed. It has come to pass that my ex wants to change the rotation of days which i do not agree with, i have asked if there is a particular reason for this change and none is forthcoming so i said we should revert to the previous way of handling things as this is the precedent that has been set. She has now informed me that i can only see our daughter if i go round to her house and spend xmas day with her new partner and family which is completely out of the question and is unreasonable to expect me to do so.
What options are open to me? I have avoided court so far and really don't want to go down that route if at all possible but feel i am left with no options. I will suggest mediation but can imagine the response.
Hi there and welcome 🙂
Its awful when the resident parent starts moving the goalposts....Was the agreement dealt with by a solicitor? I know that a Deed of Separation if administered correctly, is enforcable in court, but I have a feeling that a parental agreement isnt legally binding.
The way to go in situations like this is as you've mentioned, Mediation and failing that Court for a defined contact order.
Thanks Nannyjane for the reply. No it wasn't dealt with by a solicitor at the time and i'm aware its not legally binding. I have made contact with a mediation service and will pursue this route initially but I feel i will not be spending xmas and her birthday with my little girl this year which is soul destroying and its not right that someone can just choose to do this because the eyes of the law are weighted with the resident parent.
Having said that I am very grateful to have good access otherwise as my daughter stays with me 3 nights out of seven which has been the case since my ex left and i have never done anything to jepordise this, always collecting and dropping off on time, i attend all parental evenings, doctors appointments and classes as well as paying my way. I agree to alterations whenever she wants to drop off our daughter early to allow her to work or socialise and in the meantime continue to run a business which provides for my daughter. For some reason she is digging her heels in over this matter and isn't prepared to share with me the reason why.
...Well good luck with Mediation, and as you say, you do have a good level of contact with your daughter which hasn't been affected. In fact the amount of time you get to spend with her would make you the envy of some on here! 🙂
I think that as you still have a fairly good "working relationship" with your ex regarding your daughter, she may open up in mediation and with the guidance of a trained mediator you may see progress with your problem.
Thank you. I do have a good level of access but this only came about because i fought for it to begin with, it wasn't offered on a plate. I am very protective of this and don't want any slow erosion of it, hence being so frustrated by a system that allows resident parents to act unilaterally because it is so wighted in their favour.
Unsurprisingly my requests for mediation have fallen on deaf ears. As i understand it i can begin the mediation process without her present and they will contact her. Is this correct?
....Yes thats right. Initially you have a meeting with the mediator and discuss the issues that have brought you to mediation and what you wish to accomplish. The mediator then writes to your ex, inviting her to attend a session with you both in attendance. I think she's also given the option of attending without you there too. I cant remember if I gave you a link but here it is, the website will answer any questions you might have and gives an overview of what to expect.
www.nfm.org.uk
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