Hi
First time poster here soon to be applying to court for a regular contact with my little boy 8.
A bit of background ex and I were married for 5 years I have been working abroad for over 20 years ex wife and son lived with my parents when I was working away and if they weren’t visiting me, I would come back to country every few months and then go back again.
Ex and I separated 3 years ago and she moved in with her parents as we didn’t have any assets I wanted clean break but she started court proceedings for finances fortunately all my assets were out of U.K. so she couldn’t get to them I made it very clear to her that I would provide for my son but she wasn’t my responsibility anymore. Court case ended 2 years later and I got clean break order.
In regards to contact with my son I have been seeing him one day a weekend when I am in the country only at day time he hasn’t spent a night at mine in last 3 years and I see him half of the holidays, when I am not in the country my family sees him one day a weekend every weekend.
Issue is when I am not in the country ex won’t let my son spend extra time in holidays with my parents, his cousins etc and since Covid she has been using it as an excuse she wouldn’t let him visit his grandparents she said they can call every weekend but no visits. I am out of the country and in totally different time zone I want to speak to my son every day and she wants me to call at specific time every day I have given a 3 hour window where I could be calling but she says it’s too much time and she needs to be “doing things” she is in lockdown what does she needs doing?
I have told her when I am back I will be going to court for 50/50 with overnight stay every week for my son and regular phone calls and contact for my family in holidays, them picking and dropping him from school, attending extra curricular activities even if I am not in the country. They are his family and they love him and he adores them she can’t just control his life. I want to buy my son his own phone so he can call whenever he wants to and don’t have to rely on her.
What are my chances of getting this? Anyone else been through similar situation
hi,
I think if you were to apply to court for 50/50 then it would not work if you will still be coming and going out of the country. Court would expect the parents to be the main carers of the child. also if you were out of country and something happened to your child, then it would be easy for the mother to lay blame on you for being absent and cause more problems with you seeing your child
I think it's not a good idea to get your son a phone at his age now. his mum will still be in control and could just take the phone away. I get one call a week with the kids (court ordered), but only at a time that suits their mum. better to wait till your son is older and he has own freedom to contact you as much as he likes.
Hi
Agree with Bill, but also I don't believe you will get much joy in relation to getting court to order time/contact with your family.
There are too many variables for it to be viable, especially when you are out of the country.. Your ex cannot be expected to facilitate this contact... You guys have had a clean break and therefore technically from families too and she cannot be expected to (only if she wants to) have an ongoing relationship with them unless of course it was to enable your son to physically see you I. E if you and ex didn't get on then court could order her to drop son at your parents etc..
In relation to what you are looking for, I think you need to decide whether you permanantly stay in the country (not sure on what you do) or you accept some of the challenges being out of the country poses..
The 3 hour window for calls also doesn't work, again your ex cannot be required to give up 3 hours of her time (nor can your son) to factor in time zones especially every day... You say they are in lockdown and so she should be free. However its not as easy as that.. She can form support bubbles etc, also she could plan her time with son, go shopping, exercise etc.. She should be free to decide when she wants to do this..
I'm not trying to sound harsh or difficult or negative but being realistic.. Many dads on here have given up jobs, moved cities etc to be able to spend time with their children because the courts will not budge nor accommodate some of our requests...
In a way your ex actually is very accomodating in facilitating contact with your family the way she has.. Many exes wouldn't..
I would just warn that you could go to court and actually end up with less than what you have at the moment as you are out of the country.. Eg if your ex went to a solicitor then they would defo not advise her to allow regular calls with your family nor take your son to see them.. Solicitor would say that's down to you to arrange when you see your son and tough if you are out of the country, if you want all this and its important to you then you shouldn't be abroad.....
I would suggest that rather than court route could you try mediation but informally and try to get a little more than you have at the moment?
All the best...
I think the only way you are going to see your son more would be to move back to UK. I dont think you will have much joy with what you are asking for ,especially regarding your sons other family members.
Hi
Given that you're out of the country a lot, your parents could potentially make their own application to spend time with your son. They would need to contact the local to seek permission to commence proceedings.
Realistically, you will not get an order like you are suggesting due to your current circumstances.
Thankyou for your replies
I do understand that me being out of country so often will be in favour of my ex I can cut down my trips to twice yearly for a month each time, will that be enough? And when I am away ex can have him extra but regular access to my family.
Yes My parents are thinking of applying for a separate order for themselves at the moment when I am not in the country they see him once a weekend ex won’t let him come for holidays etc and now she is saying one day a weekend is even too much for her what is likelihood of them getting more access or same and holiday contact, regular phone calls if I am away?
Many thanks
Nobody can predict what an individual court will decide & no 2 cases are the same, It will depend on the court's view, recommendations from Cafcass & how you all present your cases to the court. The court always try to get parents to agree a way forward. If this doesn't happen the court will make the decisions. Their decision might not be what the parents want, but it will be what they view as being in the child's best interests.
Thankyou that makes sense I have the best interest of my son in my heart.
He needs to be in contact with people who love him and who he loves and adores and it shouldn’t be in the hands of my ex. Financially I am better equipped to support my son I have my own business if he was to live with me
He would have his own room etc whereas my ex is unemployed and living with her family in a small little flat where my son has to share the room with her.
The court don't see it like that and change of residency rarely happens unless it's for safeguarding reasons. I think it's important to manage your expectations in this scenario and try to get a regular routine in place for your son so that he can have a meaningful relationship with both of you and your families.
Agree with Yoda on the last point. Your ex potentially would argue that as you are very busy running your own business and out of the country so often that she is better equipped to support child with their emotional and mental well being.. Their educational needs, personal development etc.. It isn't just about the financial side of things..
I also would manage expectations re your parents application, as per my previous post your ex cannot be expected to continue an ongoing relationship with your family more than she wants to and actually once every weekend with your parents is more than what many fathers actually get via the courts.
I would say even if she reduced this to fortnightly then it is my view your parents are unlikely to get it increased beyond that, especially if she is facilitating it when you are out of the country..
However each case is reviewed on its own merits.
Its great that you and ex and putting child first and that you are looking at the best interests..
[quote="Daddyup" post=112555]Agree with Yoda on the last point. Your ex potentially would argue that as you are very busy running your own business and out of the country so often that she is better equipped to support child with their emotional and mental well being.. Their educational needs, personal development etc.. It isn't just about the financial side of things..
I also would manage expectations re your parents application, as per my previous post your ex cannot be expected to continue an ongoing relationship with your family more than she wants to and actually once every weekend with your parents is more than what many fathers actually get via the courts.
I would say even if she reduced this to fortnightly then it is my view your parents are unlikely to get it increased beyond that, especially if she is facilitating it when you are out of the country..
However each case is reviewed on its own merits.
Its great that you and ex and putting child first and that you are looking at the best interests..
You are right she is actually saying all these things already that she does all the parenting even when I am in the country and that she would fight me over shared parenting-50/50.
I was just wondering how easy difficult would it be for me to apply and get for 50/50 If I do come back to country permanently and I was under the impression judges encourage consistency in child’s life he has been seeing my family every weekend for years and now all of a sudden she thinks it’s not working for her that can’t be in his best interest surely.
Sorry for all these questions I just want to be prepared before I commit to proceedings.
I did try to have a chat with her to come to an arrangement but her answer is basically No she wouldn’t let my family have more contact.
[quote="Yoda" post=112552]The court don't see it like that and change of residency rarely happens unless it's for safeguarding reasons. I think it's important to manage your expectations in this scenario and try to get a regular routine in place for your son so that he can have a meaningful relationship with both of you and your families.
Thank you I was under the impression judges encourage 50/50 shared parenting and want children to have more contact with their other parent, I simply want to spend more time with my son and answer I am getting from ex wife is basically No as according to her they have a routine and she doesn’t want to disrupt it.