[Solved] Child Court Order in Place

Hi

First of all welcome to Dadtalk.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and the stress you are all under. This sounds like a very confusing time for you all especially your partners son.

At the moment your partner is not adhering with the court order, for well intentioned reasons, but none the less this could cause problems.

I think you would benefit from some advice from our legal partners - The Children's legal centre - so I am going to refer your problem to them, hopefully other members of the DadTalk community may also be able to share their experiences with you.

It will take a few days for them to respond so do keep looking out for a reply.

Mags

This needs resolving for everyone's sake.

The contact order is mainly for the benefit of your son, and not for your partners ex. If he doesn't like the contact arrangement as it is, then the first thing I would suggest is that your partner sits down with his son and has a good chat to determine exactly what he wants from the contact and how often. Once this is done, if there is any chance that an agreement with your partners ex can be reached, then it would be possible to get the court order varied by agreement at a conciliation hearing. If no agreement, then you'd probably still have to go to a conciliation hearing anyway as the courts like to see that there has been some attempt to reach an agreement, but if not, then the next step would be a court hearing to vary the contact order. It's quite possible (if the court doesn't suggest it, then I'd ask for it anyway) that Cafcass will be asked to prepare a report, and they will speak to your partners son as part of determining what is in his best interest, and then the court will decide how best to vary the court order. One compelling argument, if your partner's ex is messing the contact around, is that he needs certainty of when, where and for how long contact is to take place, and this will also then allow you to plan your time.

This is a difficult situation but I would keep encouraging the young lad to visit his mum as you would not want him to hold it against you at a later time. Seems strange but he will be able to make his own mind up when he is old enough.

Good luck with it

Mario

Thinking more about this, Super Mario is right - you need to encourage contact, at least for the moment. However, I would suggest that this is a situation where it may be worth getting the court order varied so that contact is only at a contact centre, or a trusted friend. My daughter only has visiting contact with her mother at a contact centre (this has now been eased to using the contact centre as a handover point, but contact is still only within the contact centres normal hours) and loves it - it's a safe envirmonment for her and it has the added benefit of being a very strictly defined time/date, plus the contact centre would turn her mother away if she turned up under the influence and call me if there was any problem. In theory, contact centres are only supposed to be a temporary solution (6 months maximum) but we've been using one for 4 years as there is no other solution for us until my daughter is old enough to walk away from her mother in safety. It seems to me that this would be ideal as your son might then be a little more willing to see his mother.

Dear Tinythinkbig,

We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.

At present there is a court order in place, and this is legally binding, which means that if your partner is not sending his son to the contact that is stated, and has not applied to vary the order, the mother is able to take this back to court for enforcement and he may be penalised.

The contact order is in place because this is what the courts felt to be best for the child, the child is not able to override this and the courts would expect a child to be sent when stated, as the child is not of an age to make decisions for himself.

If your partner’s son is adamant that he does not wish to attend the contact, then your partner should definitely apply to court for variation of the current order, as this would mean that he is less likely to be penalised if the mother applies for enforcement.

If it went to court, it is likely that CAFCASS would be appointed and would speak to the child. The child’s opinion is one consideration among many at this age, and will not generally hold any real weight for several years yet as he is not considered mature enough to make a fully informed decision. The courts concern is what is best for the child, and this is not always the same as what the child wants, and they are very much in favour of contact between children and both parents so long as this is safe for the child.

In most cases contact will be granted or enforced. If the mother has been unreliable with regards to contact then this may strengthen any argument that you may have, but it is still likely that some contact would be expected to continue and it may still go against your partner if he has not complied with what is in the court order.

We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards

Children’s Legal Centre

I'd also say try to go along with the court order as it is important that the child is not seen as a pawn in a spat between your partner and his ex. Can you with a honesty say that you are both not putting some sort of pressure on the child for him not to go see his mother. i.e. does he feel he might be betraying you and his dad by going to see his mum.

Don't know your full situation, but document what is happening to allow accurate reporting at court and no matter how hard the situation, don't put any more barriers up to contact. Be more than reasonable, you are going to have to deal with all this for at least another 13 years, de-personalise any conflict, look at it from the other persons view. Go for training if it is available.

Good luck btw.