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My ex and I have 2 boys and I work a 5 week shift pattern which averages out that I get the boys 2 nights a week. This works well and never really has any problems. A problem that I do have though is that she refuses to talk or discuss what is to happen with them over the festive period. The last two years she has had them overnight on Christmas Eve into Christmas Day but when I suggest that I get them this year she refuses point blank. The eldest is 6 years old and he thinks it would be fair to take turn about (he suggested it without me saying anything - I did not put this thought in his head). I am thinking about taking this to a lawyer and possibly court to get this but wanted to know what my chances of his happening would be before spending a lot of money that I don't have! I would even just take the normal arrangement we have already for the 5 week shift pattern and if my days fall on Christmas then brilliant and if they don't then so be it. I don't see why she has to have all the power. I appreciate this is a small problem compared with thousands of fathers out there but I don't have the money to spend if I'm never going to win. Thanks to everyone for looking and any possible replies.
I stay in Scotland as do my boys and my ex.
With the access and arrangement you have, I would certainly say that court should not be anything to consider as it could eventually spoil the contact you already have. However, I would say that it's definitely worth exploring mediation as I think that may have a good chance of success. www.nfm.org.uk
We had already tried mediation but she refused to talk about Christmas. She only wanted to talk about the issues that she had!
Christmas is such a sensitive subject, the main carer seem to think as they have the child more its there right to have them. Now I would agree with actd, if you go to court you could end up being worse off and she is being flexible with your shift pattern. Christmas isn't just about Christmas day you can make any day feel like Christmas day we had our Christmas day a week before Christmas last year due to my sons ex going away for the whole Christmas period ! it was a fun packed day with lots of pressies sitting round a tree, looking at the photos you would think it was the 25th this year we are having it boxing day ,
birthdays are another sore one ,our lucky grandaughter will have two , kids learn very fast its great getting two of every thing. Sometimes we just have to accept the situation and make the best of it . As your son gets older he will make his own mind up, my son is now 15 and he told me last year he hates having to travel Christmas day, as we used to do Christmas eve till Christmas day lunch time then the other parent Christmas afternoon till boxing day then swap every year, we thought this was fair but in reality my son just went along with it to please us. we now just ask him and to be honest after 13 years of driving 100 miles on the 25th its a relief not to
I'd agree with this - it's not just kids who have two christmas celebrations - when you get married, how many times do you go to one set of parents on xmas day and the other set on boxing day? It's the seeing family that counts, not the number on the calendar.
Personally I think Xmas and holidays should be split equally, I don't think it's good for children to chop and change too much at Xmas, but my wife does one Xmas with her, next Xmas the child goes to his dad, which is fair all round.
I can't see why a court would turn against existing contact that is working well, just because you want to define Xmas and holidays.
Don't be put off mediation, just because she wouldn't discuss once doesn't mean it won't again. Explain the issues she has had have been resolved and contact is working well, the kids have expressed that they would like to alternate Xmas with each parent and see what she says,
My wife and I find this much easier than her having Xmas eve to Xmas day, then swapping for boxing say etc
Hope you get it sorted, but whilst you ask about Xmas, I would also ask about school holidays and Easter all at the same time.
Ah, yes bobbya, I agree - my comment was made on the basis that some parents just won't ever agree, but if it can be split equally, then it definitely should be.
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