[Solved] Confused and seeking help for advice

I am in a similar situation mate, all I can say is be prepared for the worst as women can be very twisted. In the meantime, just explain everything to your solicitor and remain as calm as possible but I think like myself, you are at the beginning of a very long journey, try to keep your head up it will work itself out in the end

Good luck

I feel for both you guys, if you need any1 to talk to then im here for a chat, im not in a similar situation but I am your age

i don't many people my age in a similar position to me

Be nice to chat 🙂

thanks guys for writing back to me its horrible that it has come to this solicitors and everything.
I can't belive she promised that she will always allow me to see my daughter and then changed her mind.
I really think its to do with my exs mother because she is very controlitive ever since my daughter was born I should of listened to the nurse who said to my exs mother that for her not to be taking control of everything my ex was living with me at the time when my ex was preg because a man didn't want her so me and my family took her in but soon as my daughter was born I had to go home and my ex went with her mother to her house and her man phoned telling me that my ex was living back with her now.me and my ex had a great relationship but soon as my daughter was born her mother stepped and took control my ex mother kepted taking my daughter off me whenit was time to feed my daughter which I thought was quite hurt full .

I just wish I knew someone who has been to family court and succeeded and for them to help me out on what I should say and not say when it gets to this point I really appreciate the fact that you both have wrote back to me as I font really like to talk about my feelings but its much better when its online because its descrete and you can say what you really feel without the chances of hurting anyone

Its fine, in times like this you need support so dont worry 🙂

As for what to say, just say how you feel. Keep calm about it and just dont get angry or show any side of anger.

Show your love for your daughter and by the sounds of you then you will be fine and get the best result 🙂

Its good that your fighting for the right to see your daughter, some people wouldnt bother.

When are you due in court?

Hi Sumsy (and Jordan and Fastrax),

Welcome to the site! I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles, but you're amongst friends here!

As you have a solicitor our legal experts (the Coram Children's Legal Centre) cannot advise you, but there are dozens of Dad's on here that have been in your situation and will offer the benefit of their experience.

I have a few questions for Sumsy, which I'll ask as I go along...

You mention that your ex was pregnant by another man when you met. Are you the biological father of this child? Does your name appear on your daughter's birth certificate? If the answer to the latter is yes, then you you have Parental Responsibility (PR) and have various rights to consultation regarding your daughter's religion, education etc.

Unfortunately PR doesn't extend to contact. UK Law determines that this is the right of the child, rather than the parent. Contact is usually controlled by the resident parent (your ex) and if this is being reduced or withheld the non-resident parent (you) will have to apply to the courts for a contact order.

The courts usually expect you to have attempted mediation before making an application. You mention that you have tried this and that your ex declined the offer. Can you prove that? Did you do this in writing? Via email or text? If not it may be best to let your solicitor write to her on your behalf (she clearly doesn't like the fact that you have instructed one). In some instances instructing a solicitor can be enough to let your ex know that you're serious and they can often relent and come to mediation. If that were to happen, I'd advise that any agreement that is reached through mediation be refered to court to be enshrined in a contact order. This means that if your ex goes back on her word, you can apply to the court for the order to be enforced.

As regards your conviction for assault, is this your only conviction? If the matter goes to court your ex may try and make an issue out of it. If it's a pretty isolated occurence I wouldn't worry about it too much. I would simply say that it was a regretable situation, you learned from it and accepted the consequence of your actions. That chapter of your life is now behind you and you look forward to being a responsible father.

Hopefully your ex will see sense, but this may not be the case and you should prepare yourself for a long battle. These things can take time. If your solicitor suggests writing to her regarding mediation or restoring contact, then she will have 14 days to comply and if she fails to respond you can make your application to the court. This may take a further 6 weeks (at least), before you get to your first appearance. I would also expect that your solicitor would make a request for an interim contact order at this stage, depending on what stance your ex is taking. Your solicitor will explain the process, but it may take another couple of months from now (at least) before you can see your daughter - so prepare yourself for that!

As Jordan says, keep calm and always remember that your goal is to see your daughter. Don't do anything that will jeapodise that.

Let us know how you get on!

FM '70

Hi Filmmaker_1970

Thank you for the warm welcome

My daughter is mine i cant get out of that one lol as she looks double if me yeah im on the birth certificate and was there at birth ect.Thats good to hear that i have Parental Responsibility (PR) and have various rights to consultation regarding your daughter's religion, education etc.and i think contact shoudl be split betwwen both parents if the father wants something to do with there child You and the contract to father should be left with the courts not her.

Im currently unemployed I have had 3 criminal offeces from 2006 leaving school to 2008 which where affray and antisocial behaviour and i kept myself out of trouble for 2 year then slipped up because i got ganged up and with me hitting first becuase i was sick of been bullyed i get the backlash of it and get slapped with assault on me record
When my daighter was born i settled down and when i split up with ex thats when i got in to trouble last so nothing is related to my daughter or out and my ex did get her self in to trouble once being drunk and making a nuisence this was before i got ex preg and i got locked that night to i opend the police van door to get her out as she was screaming my name belive me i regret getting into trouble its proper affected my life

after my incedent with the police i have been trying to turn my life around getting my self on various courses which involvement plumbing plastering and joinery that monday to wednesays i unfortuantly have probation every thursday as am nearly at the end of the order thank god i have customer service course on the night time at a college

i have acceived these turning my life around and be a grown up

Forklift Lience
Cscs Card for building sights
Horticulture NVQ 1 Diploma

Im on doing these
Plumbing Plastering and Joinery is a carosell course change every weak from diffrent ones mon 2 wed
Customer Service Level 1 Friday
Maths and English as i fail at this
and probation thursday

Im really trying to make somehing of me but my time will come

She denied access i dont have the proof of it as i asked her over the phone.But i could always text her asking if she would like to do this so i get the message to prove it

Ive asked my solicitor to get a saterday to see my daugher because of what i do through the weak and apparetnly court will say that i couldnt have her throught the weak as i have to look for work but she has denied saterday because my ex sees her cousin and takes my daughter with her which i think id be mre inprotant that her cousin to see daughter

My time will come eventually hopefully /
/
thank u so much for talkig

Thanks jorden for the tips thats what am doing keeping calm theres no court date at the minute its lyin between both solictors hers and mine shes denied acess mediation once and then decided to text me saying that she would go through with it as ive just remembered about it and i forgot i print screened the messages and showed the solictor.
But my solictor doesnt really speek much and i feel quite hurt about that as i say things to him and hes like yep aha mm yep dont get me wrong he has helped me but i want something good to say to him so he actualy rights it down unless he has good memory

Hi Sumsy,

I agree about your point about contact. I think most dad's on the site agree with you 😉

As per your convictions, I would think that the worst case scenario would be that the court or Cafcass request a report from your probation officer. I would actually have a word with your probabtion officer and ask him (or her) whether they'd write you a letter of support. In the event that your convictions are brought up, you can immediately furnish the court with a letter from your probation officer and therefore negate the need for you to produce a report at a further hearing.

Courts usually look at awarding the non-resident parent bi-weekly contact on a weekend. Or you could ask for alternative overnight stays each weekend. Friday night and through to Saturday evening one week, alternating with Saturday night through to Sunday evening the following week. I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that you have your daughter for an overnight stay during the week, especially if your ex lives locally and there's not much travelling involved. You pick her up in the evening and return her at a mutually agreed time the following day. You want to be seen as flexible and reasonable. This is where I suspect your ex will probably fall down, especially if she has her mother manipulating the situation behind the scenes.

I have my little boy alternative weekends Fri through to Monday morning, plus a Thu night one week and a Mon night the week after. It effectively means that we don't go more than two full days without seeing each other and we have a fantastic relationship!

Good luck with everything and let us know how you get on!

FM '70

Hi its been a while since I have wrote on here I would just like to thank you for all the support you all have given me to get through tough times like this. Here is an update on what's been happening

I get my daughter now one Saturday then next weak its a Sunday I get her from 11am to 5pm.This has started since August 2012 its taken all this time but its been totally worth the wait. I'm still not able to have her overnight or extra days am working on that, but clearly I don't think am getting anywhere. Hopefully you guys could give me ideas on what I could say to try and convince her or even get her to think about it.

Since August it has been a rough journey Getting letters from Solicitor's saying I have been 30 minutes late to collect my daughter which is so untrue honestly I was only like 5 to 10 minutes late as the bus was late letters claiming I had stopped CSA which I hadn't and had been stopped a few weeks seeing my daughter I told her I never stopped it what's so ever so I phoned them up saying what the [censored] was going on and they told me it had been stopped since November 2012 they couldn't even give me a reason on why I had been stopped and told me would I like to pay the arrears of £160 and I asked them how the [censored] it had getting to that stage and why I hadn't been notified of this the lady on the phone couldn't really say because she didn't know herself then she re asked me if I would pay arrears off and I told them I couldn't at the moment because it was really skint. I really felt like I was getting punished for no reason and mother of my child had stopped ez seeing her till she got what she was entitled to. Got in touch with my solicitor about it and all he said he could do its right a letter to the other solicitor about it and I thought what's the point In that anyway he had made one anyway and I eventually got one back saying that If I was to pay the arrears and sort the CSA out then I would get my access back because my client does not wish for your client to have access till this has been paid.it was something along them lines

I was literally all over the place missing my daughter like crazy and had hardly no money head was baffled felt like there was just me on my own. I ended up having to get a loan out to pay it off and got bit extra to give her in advance until the CSA had fixed the problem.
there's been more problems then that but I would be here all day writing about it

Got me access back on Christmas eve I was over the moon and back 🙂

and things are Starting to work out great for me now we have been getting to up to allsorts of things me and daughter

My ex partners mam has had a baby of her own so now she's backed off thank god what a nuisance she was

Ex partner has Started been nice to me recently its very weird getting loads of texts from her but im trying to not go back down that route incase I end up back to square one.

Thank you for taking your time to read this

Aaron

Good to see you have some contact. I think it's a matter of trying to get the odd day here or there, especially over school holidays etc. If you can make it so it's convenient for your ex, then you may have a better chance of getting more contact.