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Hi there, this is my first post so i am extremely grateful for all advice!
My wife left me 15 months ago from our home in Fort William and took 2 of our three children with her to live in Plymouth. I am in the military and have just had a letter from the CSA saying they will start at the end of this month to take payment direct from my wages. When my wife left she left me with all the debts, at the time she worked and we managed with 2 incomes now its one income and over half of my wages goes on the bills. CSA don't take any debts or bills into consideration and told me what will be coming out.
My issue is that the £300 or thereabouts that i have to live of each month for my son and i doesn't cover what CSA will be taking out, meaning i will be overdrawn each month before i even look at food money for myself and son.
I spoke to my ex to explain this and stated that it will affect my son and i yet she doesn't care and said she still wants to go through CSA. My next issue is that the £300 or so left out of my wages for food, petrol etc if taken by CSA means i won't have any money to even be able to afford to drive from one side of the country to the other to see them. Ive asked her to be reasonable and maybe come to an agreement between us for half of the suggested CSA payments which would then take into consideration the marital debts but she still refuses. Also she states if i want to see the kids i have to travel the 600 mile one way trip to see them, although i have no where to stay with them when i get there. She won't meet me half way! She isn't bothered about seeing the son that lives with me so i try to find the money for him to go there which she doesn't take into consideration.
She gets legal aid, i don't cause i earn too much but yet again the debt I'm left with isn't allowed to be considered so i can't afford a solicitor!
I haven't seen my kids for over three months and its killing me cause i don't know what to do! My 10 year old daughter won't speak to me at all which i know is her coping strategy as we have an amazing relationship together when we get the chance and my 12 year old son i speak to most days and wants to come and stay but his mum refuses to let him or dictates that i have to travel the 1200 mile round trip to pick him up then the same again to drop off which i just can't afford.
So I'm left getting penalised by CSA for working and having a wage to pay for children that i can't see. Whats more important CSA payments or their relationship with their father?
Where can i go for advice or help? I really am at my whits end and can't deal with this emotionally anymore, please help?
I also forgot to add that she has stated that she is willing to accept that she committed adultery if i want to file for divorce, which i can't afford!!
How do i stand with regards to my military pension and gratuity? Is she entitled to anything if she walked out on my and confessed to adultery?
Hi
You are really going to need specialist advice from a divorce lawyer as the CCLC do not give advice in this area. It may be worth contacting the Citizens Advice Bureau in the first instance.
I can say, however, that her admission of adultery will not have any bearing on the financial outcome of the divorce - generally, any assets and income you have will be included in the final settlement, you will probably need to get a valuation of the pension for the courts.
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